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Should the part-time parent buy 13 year old a phone?

Posted by on Dec. 19, 2013 at 7:18 AM
  • 33 Replies

So this in an on-going battle between bio-dad (who gets son every other weekend) and bio-mom. He wants son to have a phone. Son totally wants a phone for Christmas. (of course!) Mom waivers between yes and no. Dad bought the phone for Christmas.

Back story: this is not the first phone. One the child lost and didn't get a new one for six months (both parents agree) but previously he had another phone on our family plan. Mom would take the phone for punishment. Makes sense right? But what ended up happening is she starting using the phone on our plan. This went on for months. He would call and she would answer. She said she needed it, her phone was broken. Eventually Dad gets frustrated and threatens to take the phone. The kids in tears "mom needed it. we share it"

So now, here we are again. Dad is buying the phone for him. I feel that this is going to be drama. But Dad feels strongly that he earned it.

I guess I better put my seatbelt on for this bumpy ride. But I am staying out of this one. Thoughts?

by on Dec. 19, 2013 at 7:18 AM
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by on Dec. 19, 2013 at 7:22 AM

Quoting mom1317:

 But I am staying out of this one. 

good plan!

My thoughts to your original question "should the part-time parent by 13 year old a phone" are - sure, why not?

but if mom has a tendancy to use it..... hmmmmm.  I wouldn't like that.

by Platinum Member on Dec. 19, 2013 at 7:37 AM

BM is CO'd to buy the phone and pay the plan.  So, my answer is yes, the part time parent can buy it.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2013 at 7:38 AM
I don't see the issue. my dad took away my first car because my mom rode in it with my. I thnk its fine just let bm know. There's always gonna be drama one was or another get use to it. To me its a silly issue to stick your nose in when honestly ir won't affect anyone negatively
by Platinum Member on Dec. 19, 2013 at 7:49 AM
4 moms liked this
Why doesn't dad get a phone with parental controls, and lock it so that it can only dial certain numbers and during specific times of the day?
by on Dec. 19, 2013 at 7:58 AM may seem like a silly issue but any sm who gets hate text messages from bm would disagree. it's not fun! Plus if you are paying 300 dollars a month for a family plan and bm is using the plan you would feel something about that. But I kept paying and I stayed out of it then and will now. But I like the parental control tip. Thats a really good idea

by on Dec. 19, 2013 at 8:01 AM

Well my dad bought my brother one. He lives with mom and sees dad every other weekend and two days a week for a few hours. Plus of course some holidays and summer breakfast or two weeks. But mom doesn't not ever use his phone. In you case I would maybe tell him not to tell his mom he has the phone so she won't take it and use it.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2013 at 8:40 AM

We went through a phone war with my son when he was in high school. In high school, he either lived with me through the year or he lived wit his dad. When he loved with his Dad, my husband now (not his dad) came home one day with a blackberry for my son. It was so random. No conversation. My husband didn't even talk to me about it!!! My response was "you shouldn't have done that because 1. My son had a habit of breaking phones (football locker room incidents) so in my mind he wasn't responsible enough for a more expensive phone. 2. It would become an issue with Dad and Stepmom. Especially stepmom because then the blackberry phone parental power would be with our house not hers AND what about her son (would be her thinking)

Big lesson for my husband. Lol. I told my husband
1. Don't get mad when he breaks it, and 2 don't get all judgmental when his other parents freak out because you never should have bought it (and he did refuse to return it)

And this is what happened
1. Stepmom sent me a long winded email on why it was very wrong
2. She went out an bought her son a blackberry
3. My son dropped a weight on it at the gym
4. Dad and stepmom told my son this statement
"Your mom and stepdad are trying to buy your love."

Which is 180 degrees away from truth...

Glad that one is over!!!

With my SD- she got an IPhone 5 last year for Xmas and just walked in our door with it.

That was the best way. Lol. No conversation. No confusion. Just BM in charge of billing and phone rules. Easy and straight forward.
by Gold Member on Dec. 19, 2013 at 8:40 AM
I think whoever wants to buy the phone should buy it. My ds14 has asked his dad to add him to his plan for years but he always tells him no because he doesn't live with him. I've always gotten phones for my kids and DS is getting the one he has been wanting forever this Christmas. Ex refuses to call the kids in general so maybe he will call them more now. He didn't in the past when they had a phone but we shall see. I enjoy being able to reach my kids when they are with him without jumping through hoops so buying then both another phone is fine for me.
by Gold Member on Dec. 19, 2013 at 8:57 AM
DH is still not going to be able to control what Mom does with the phone while her son is with her so if Dad is going to be controlling and get frustrated with it then maybe a phone isn't the best Christmas present. That's just my .02 on the subject. But, it's good to hear that you are staying out of it, just remind your husband that you do not want to be involved if there is any drama. :)
by Ruby Member on Dec. 19, 2013 at 8:58 AM

If dad wants the phone,then he should buy it.

My stepdaughter12 wnted a phone-dad said no-mom said yes. (DH felt there was no reason for her to have a phone)but mom's mentality is-all her friends have one,so she needs one too!

Mom bought the phone-mom pays for the phone. The only time Dad has anything to do with the phone is when she's texting/using the phone while we're having dinner (there's a strict no cellphone at the table rule) and if she uses it while she's supposed to be in bed (these rules applies for mom's house as well.)

Now if BM said that her phone was broken-we would (and have) offered to help her replace/fix the phone,just so she didn't have to rely on using the kids phones.

Is that an option? To help BM get her phone fixed?

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