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Why does ss seem so ungrateful....

Posted by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 2:23 PM
  • 28 Replies
... When Dh and I do and buy things for him, yet bm can show up for a visit with a toy from the dollar tree and she's the best mom ever??

I'm trying to understand, and I'm not mad at ss over it or anything. I was wondering if it has something to do with mom not buying things for him or taking him places.
We don't really spoil him rotten or anything, but we have disposable income and enjoy going on trips and buying the kids things...
by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 2:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mama_AG
by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 2:34 PM
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Is she the one with custody? If not it all makes sense.. She could bring him a turd on a plate and it would be wonderful to him.  The kids seem to flock to the crappy parent.. Thats just how it is.. Believe me 14 years of seeing it go down!

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 2:49 PM
Dh is the one with custody.

That's kind of what I was assuming, but I've never really had experience with step families until I married Dh!
I guess it could be something about trying to gain approval from the crappy parent? Idk


Quoting mama_AG:

Is she the one with custody? If not it all makes sense.. She could bring him a turd on a plate and it would be wonderful to him.  The kids seem to flock to the crappy parent.. Thats just how it is.. Believe me 14 years of seeing it go down!

inkandflowers
by Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 8:21 PM
2 moms liked this

Because it's BM and usually skids think they are the best people ever no matter what they do. Currently my SD thinks her mom is the greatest ever and in reality she sits home everyday chain smoking, sponging off friends and spends child support on cigarettes and everything but the kids. My SS on the other hand is older and realizing that BM doesn't really do much for them and the reality of the situation. As they get older they will become more aware.

KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Dec. 21, 2013 at 8:34 PM

In what ways does he seem ungrateful?

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 9:29 PM
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It's simple. He expects these things from you and DH because he knows that you all will follow through. He takes you all for granted as kids do. BM is not as reliable so it must be extra special if she does something for him.

Like when you or DH do something special for each other...it's extra special cause you aren't used to the special treatment. Same goes for when BM does something for SS.
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 9:35 PM
1 mom liked this
Because you are the "of course" and she is the "maybe".
Mandy_yanna13
by Manda on Dec. 21, 2013 at 10:02 PM
This

Quoting SassyMom25: It's simple. He expects these things from you and DH because he knows that you all will follow through. He takes you all for granted as kids do. BM is not as reliable so it must be extra special if she does something for him.



Like when you or DH do something special for each other...it's extra special cause you aren't used to the special treatment. Same goes for when BM does something for SS.
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 10:56 PM
He just doesn't recognize the effort and money that goes into things. He's only 5, so I expect him not to understand money.

Yesterday we had a huge bday party for him. All the decorations he wanted, invited his whole class, and had it at this super cool place he picked out. He never even said thank you. Then talked excessively about how his mom was having a party for him the next day the whole drive home.


Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

In what ways does he seem ungrateful?

KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Dec. 21, 2013 at 11:06 PM

That's pretty typical of any child, especially at that age.

Try not to take offense by it. If you want to hear a Thank you, then ask for one.. "What do you say to someone after they just threw you an awesome birthday party?"  Pretty sure he's going to say "Thank you! "

Manners are taught.. and no children don't ever really recognize the effort and money their parents spend on them until they have children of their own.

I know the BM thing is annoying, but just take it with a grain of salt. The point is he feels safe enough with you to talk about it, and it sounds like seeing his mom really makes him happy. so be happy with him. You're not in competition and he will grow up and remember the awesome things you did for him too..

Quoting dawnnamarie: He just doesn't recognize the effort and money that goes into things. He's only 5, so I expect him not to understand money.

Yesterday we had a huge bday party for him. All the decorations he wanted, invited his whole class, and had it at this super cool place he picked out. He never even said thank you. Then talked excessively about how his mom was having a party for him the next day the whole drive home.


Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

In what ways does he seem ungrateful?


progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 11:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Like you said, he's five.

I don't think he's being ungrateful, especially if he doesn't know the value of money (or the value of your effort). Children are not born with manners; they have to be taught. Maybe it's time for your DH to start teaching SS the value of money and hard work, and how to be appreciative.

I don't think he's intentionally talking about the birthday party he's going to have at his mom's to try to upset you. He's five and excited for the ‘next' thing. Just say - "It sounds like you're going to have a fun party" and let it go. Don't try to turn it into a competition.

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