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A Bratty Christmas Vent

Posted by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 5:57 PM
  • 16 Replies
Years ago, DH told MIL that if she wasn't going to treat my DS and DD as equals in with Christmas gifts, that she should not send SD's gifts back to our house with her. This was based on MIL telling him that she considered my kids her grand kids and equal to her other grand kids and two years of SD getting gold jewelry and clothes, while my kids got dollar store quality items. I don't care if she doesn't buy anything for my kids, but SD's things needed to stay at her house because she was staying there one weekend a month and SD did not handle it tactfully. We were also having issues with SD losing the jewelry and MIL accusing my family of stealing it - we neither wanted her to receive expensive gifts nor have them in our house.

Flash forward to the first Christmas after MIL said everyone would be equals. Well...they were! DH refers to this as 'crap for everyone!' MIL bought cheap, low quality items for everyone. SD still had nicer things, but they were still not anything anyone would want. It would be difficult to say it wasn't 'fair',though.

Before anyone says it, MIL and SFIL do not have any economic issues. They are millionaires..,literally millionaires. They own several homes, country club, travel all the time - the works. There is no reason economically for this behavior.

Go forward a few more years and I have had a baby - a BIOLOGICAL grandchild! He is also given the crap treatment and HIS first gift is a lovely girls outfit. Every toy item they give him is thrown away within 24 hours because it is either unsafe or such poor quality I don't feel it is safe to keep. The same thing happened when our daughter was born 18 months later.

This year, SD is now living with them. A giant Box O'Crap arrived yesterday after DH visited (we are not invited to visit because it is too 'upsetting' for SD. MIL makes no effort to see the babies). This year's pile is worse than ever. I told DH that I would like to include a food stamps application in the thank you note since they are clearly having economic issues - he feels my sarcasm would not be appreciated. I have asked him to tell MIL that gifts are no longer necessary. She clearly had no interest and I have no need for this junk. Plus, it is incredibly wasteful! I would rather she make a $25 donation to Toys For Tots on the children's names.

Bratty vent over. This family makes me crazy :( I'm going to go hug my babies now.
by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 5:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
malinda74
by Bronze Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 6:10 PM
I'm just at a loss. How does your husband feel about this? Why does SD live with grandparents and not dad?
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 6:30 PM
My husband just shakes his head at this point. His mom is playing control games. I'm not one to be meek and let her manipulate me, son she treats the children and our family badly.

SD is a long story. She has some complicated mental issues stemming from living with her mother and was recently diagnosed bipolar as well. She was just discharged from a residential facility. While she was there, she refused to participate on family therapy, a condition of working towards discharge, as long as she was returning home. It reached a point where it was ridiculous and it was better to have her go somewhere else - it wasn't safe for her to return to our family and she was continuing to try and manipulate the system.


Quoting malinda74: I'm just at a loss. How does your husband feel about this? Why does SD live with grandparents and not dad?
Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Dec. 21, 2013 at 6:45 PM
1 mom liked this

 I have told people (my family mostly) that if they can't be fair, not to buy my kids anything. Most of my family doesn't buy for my kids at all anymore. Just my grandma, my mom when she has money (though we haven't been on speaking terms for a few years) and my brother and his wife.

I think I remember your story and, honestly, if I were in your position, I'd just tell hubby to tell MIL don't bother sending anything anymore please.

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 6:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I could never imagine getting upset about presents. Who and how someone gives gifts is their own choice. I am sorry you and mil and sd do not get along. I hope the father is doing therapy with her. That relationship needs to be fixed before any of the others.
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this
This is exactly why I titled this a 'bratty' vent. I am more upset at my kids' reaction. They pick up on MIL's disdain for them. They see SD get gold and diamonds while they get stuff from discount stores. They are polite and say thank you, but they do not understand what they have done to earn this woman's dislike. In truth, they have done nothing.

Quite honestly, nothing is far better than receiving a gift that is meant to belittle and insult. That is what MIL is intending by these gifts.


Quoting FreedomTruth: I could never imagine getting upset about presents. Who and how someone gives gifts is their own choice. I am sorry you and mil and sd do not get along. I hope the father is doing therapy with her. That relationship needs to be fixed before any of the others.
hissminenours
by Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 12:35 PM
I can empathize with you & don't feel like the feelings you expressed are wrong.
Sept-babies2
by Ashley on Dec. 22, 2013 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I can sort of understand your situation. I would ask to have her not get any gifts anymore. Or instead..just take the stuff she does send and donate it?
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 1:59 PM
That was my first thought. However, she took a Sharpie and wrote everyone's names in large letters all over the packaging of each item. Nothing can be donated as a new item or returned. We can donate them as a used toy or clothing item, which we will probably do.

Quoting Sept-babies2: I can sort of understand your situation. I would ask to have her not get any gifts anymore. Or instead..just take the stuff she does send and donate it?
GlockMom
by Gold Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 2:14 PM
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I would typically say this to people posting like this. Knowing what an asshole OP MIL is, she really isn't being a brat. She has a nightmare MIL. I don't know anyone who would not feel like OP by now after all this time of mistreatment her and her kids have gotten from her spouses mother. The lady is kinda a crazy bitch.

Quoting FreedomTruth: I could never imagine getting upset about presents. Who and how someone gives gifts is their own choice. I am sorry you and mil and sd do not get along. I hope the father is doing therapy with her. That relationship needs to be fixed before any of the others.
elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:19 PM

Wow, what a crappy MIL. My ex's mom was this way, and being the mama's boy he was, he let it go. I did not. I refused to take my kids over there after the 2nd year, the one where she announced to the whole family she was glad I miscarried, b/c she was sure that the baby hadn't been her sons, just like my girls couldn't possibly be b/c they look like me and not Ex. I took my kids and walked home in almost a foot of snow, that was the beginning of th end for me. Thank goodness I never married him! 

My MIL now is very evenish, though she will try and get SD what she wants first, all the kids gifts are nice, she is a freakin Macy's/JCP/mall shopper.

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