My husband and I have been married for 7 months. I love him fiercely, but I really do not care for his daughter. She is manipulative and very childish. She is 11 years old.
I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt on many occasions. Her mother is a deadbeat and my husband has tried to compensate for that. Unfortunately, discipline was not high on the list of things he should instill/implement.
I teach 4 year olds. My students know how to say please and thank you, they clean up after themselves and they don't whine! Yes, you heard me! No whining!
His daughter cries, complains, whines, asks the stupidest questions...and could not put a taco together without whining and wiggling in her seat. Everytime we are with her I want to put in ear plugs and zone out.
I was raised with manners. If I ever acted that way in public, I would have been in serious trouble. When he asks me why I don't warm up to her I am honest...I tell him I expect more out of that age. He gets mad and starts snapping at me. "Children should be children" he snaps. I agree...but there is nothing wrong with a child having manners and showing respect.
I understand that he is a father and he needs to be with her. (she lives with his mom) But I will be honest...I really thought I'd get more of his time once we got married...you know, enjoy the honeymoon stage a lot more. I'm lucky if he gets home before ten and I'm still awake. He works super long hours and does see his daughter after work which I understand and respect. However...we are MARRIED. Shouldn't I be number 1 sometimes? Once he comes home, she will call non stop about dumb things "where's my sweater?" "Can I watch tv?"...
The other day, we argued about Christmas Day. I told him now that we are married, I expect him to wake up with me on Christmas. He said "No, I am going to be with my daughter" Before I got really pissed off, I calmly said "I understand that but I am your WIFE and this is what I want. She can stay the night here. We are going to my parents for breakfast" He then asked if I was going to be nice and then I just lost it. I told him I was sick of being second all of the time and tired of being looked down on for my personal beliefs and upbringing. He NEVER sees what she does or how she acts. I'm already tothe point where I want to NOT do family things because he's always scrutinizing ME and ignoring his child who is picking on her younger cousins, making messes, whining about things she doesn't have, etc.
How do I not shut down?