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Christmas and the NCP

Posted by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 5:46 AM
  • 217 Replies
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DH's CO makes no specific reference to any holidays, it is just every other weekend. SS has expressed wanting to spend the Christmas at his Dad's house. He has never been here for Christmas, Dad has always done the Christmas grocery shopping for BM, bought presents for BM's house and sent Christmas money.

DH and BM had a huge argument early this month over a visitation that she cancelled, DH was livid and they have not spoken since, BM has been texting about Christmas supplies and the money, SS has been texting as well. DH has decided that he won't be paying for BM's Christmas any longer, he will indicate to her that she needs to send SS to him for Christmas, SS doesn't have school so there should no problem.

Question: Is it too late, after 10 years of paying for BM's Christmas, to stop that practice and request that SS spends Christmas with him?

Is SS request enough reason to request a change in the Christmas arrangement? Does he need to give a reason at all for the request?
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by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 5:46 AM
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caligirl7613
by on Dec. 22, 2013 at 5:58 AM
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nope. he doesnt need to give a reason at all, to BM that is. i would of course attempt to get SS for christmas day\eve but if BM absolutely refuses i would explain to SS that this year, instead of bringing his gifts to BMs house, we are going to wait until his next visit and do our own special christmas at our house. him and him BM will have their christmas, and when he coms to visit yall will have your own special christmas. its also a good chance to explain what the holiday is really about, being around loved ones, making memories, and enjoying time spent together...gifts are just a bonus.
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pristine729
by Bronze Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 6:03 AM
1 mom liked this
No, it's not too late....
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Dec. 22, 2013 at 6:13 AM
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The dad is not required to pay for it so he can stop it whenever he wants. He was just being generous. The child's request can be taken in consideration. He wishes to spend Christmas with his father, which is not an unreasonable thing to ask IMO. 

The father needs to communicate with BM about the son's request. I don't know how well this will go over since you said they have not spoken for a while. He will have to do it now, and make arrangements for this visitation. 


CampClan
by Bronze Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 6:55 AM
There's no local rule that they fall back on if neither can agree to visitation?

I ask because I know my local rule states this year the father gets the kids at 1pm Christmas day to a certain time the night before school is back in session.

I would look into it (be sure to look into it in the county where the divorce was filed not your current county) & make sure there isn't anything that he can fall back on.

Good luck!
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:01 AM
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I don't think it's too late. In my sitch we have always done Xmas seperate. My sc's do Xmas w/us in the morning, then go to BMs in the afternoon and have Xmas w/her.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:14 AM
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They haven't spoken since the argument this month. I agree he needs to tell her that he is stopping the regular Christmas practice and request that SS spend Christmas with him, he should have done it already.

Quoting AtillaTheHun:

The dad is not required to pay for it so he can stop it whenever he wants. He was just being generous. The child's request can be taken in consideration. He wishes to spend Christmas with his father, which is not an unreasonable thing to ask IMO. 

The father needs to communicate with BM about the son's request. I don't know how well this will go over since you said they have not spoken for a while. He will have to do it now, and make arrangements for this visitation. 


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leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:18 AM
Usually couples alternate the holidays every other year, they were never married.

Quoting CampClan: There's no local rule that they fall back on if neither can agree to visitation?



I ask because I know my local rule states this year the father gets the kids at 1pm Christmas day to a certain time the night before school is back in session.



I would look into it (be sure to look into it in the county where the divorce was filed not your current county) & make sure there isn't anything that he can fall back on.



Good luck!
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CampClan
by Bronze Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:26 AM
If they were never married did he file for visitation rights or is it just verbally agreed upon? I ask because in some states a father who was never married to the mother doesn't have rights until he files for them. Which means BM could prohibit BF from seeing his child at anytime & there may not be anything he can do. But if he did file then there might be a local rule he can fall back on.

Quoting leegirl_jm: Usually couples alternate the holidays every other year, they were never married.



Quoting CampClan: There's no local rule that they fall back on if neither can agree to visitation?





I ask because I know my local rule states this year the father gets the kids at 1pm Christmas day to a certain time the night before school is back in session.





I would look into it (be sure to look into it in the county where the divorce was filed not your current county) & make sure there isn't anything that he can fall back on.





Good luck!
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:29 AM
Oh, I thought I had mentioned that in the original post. They have a court order for every other weekend visitation, the weekend starts Friday 2pm and ends Sunday at 3pm. They stopped adhering to that over 6 years ago when DD6 was born.

I know BM can refuse to grant the access but he can still make the request.
Quoting CampClan: If they were never married did he file for visitation rights or is it just verbally agreed upon? I ask because in some states a father who was never married to the mother doesn't have rights until he files for them. Which means BM could prohibit BF from seeing his child at anytime & there may not be anything he can do. But if he did file then there might be a local rule he can fall back on.

Quoting leegirl_jm: Usually couples alternate the holidays every other year, they were never married.



Quoting CampClan: There's no local rule that they fall back on if neither can agree to visitation?







I ask because I know my local rule states this year the father gets the kids at 1pm Christmas day to a certain time the night before school is back in session.







I would look into it (be sure to look into it in the county where the divorce was filed not your current county) & make sure there isn't anything that he can fall back on.







Good luck!
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CampClan
by Bronze Member on Dec. 22, 2013 at 7:48 AM
My bad... you did mention it. But I would still look to see if there is a local rule. I know in my divorce papers it says we default to local rule if we can't agree to visitation. Just check into it- the worse that can happen is he would have to get a modification to include holiday schedule.

Quoting leegirl_jm: Oh, I thought I had mentioned that in the original post. They have a court order for every other weekend visitation, the weekend starts Friday 2pm and ends Sunday at 3pm. They stopped adhering to that over 6 years ago when DD6 was born.



I know BM can refuse to grant the access but he can still make the request.
Quoting CampClan: If they were never married did he file for visitation rights or is it just verbally agreed upon? I ask because in some states a father who was never married to the mother doesn't have rights until he files for them. Which means BM could prohibit BF from seeing his child at anytime & there may not be anything he can do. But if he did file then there might be a local rule he can fall back on.

Quoting leegirl_jm: Usually couples alternate the holidays every other year, they were never married.



Quoting CampClan: There's no local rule that they fall back on if neither can agree to visitation?







I ask because I know my local rule states this year the father gets the kids at 1pm Christmas day to a certain time the night before school is back in session.







I would look into it (be sure to look into it in the county where the divorce was filed not your current county) & make sure there isn't anything that he can fall back on.







Good luck!
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