Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

step son molested...decisions questions and concerns of a stepmomstepmom

Posted by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:09 PM
  • 102 Replies
I know its long but please help!....I have been a step mom for about a year now. The second I laid eyes on my SS I knew right then that my life would forever change. I loved him then and I love him now. With no children of my own, being a first time mom to this little guy was difficult. Not knowing where I fit in, what I could and could not say and what I could and could not do. Life was hard and it hasn't gotten easier but I wouldn't change a thing. I came into his life when he was 4 and he just turned 5. This is where my story starts.... my hubby and his ex were divorced for a year before we were married but the ex still loved him and fought for him even when we were married. With me and my husband both in the military and living so far from the ex, visitation with my step son jayden was hard. After the divorce it was agreed that it would be joint custody with month on month off visitation. But that soon changed. After 4 months of month on month off we learned jayden was molested while in his mothers care. Jayden told us what happened as best he could and when we contacted the ex she said he was lying. This woman has had 10 fiances within the year and always introduces these guys to jayden with no promise that they will be around tomorrow. We immediately got him counseling and opened a cps case. She was found guilty of child neglect. And she later signed over sole custody to my husband. Since then she has had supervised visitation and after 8 months of him being away she has yet to send money to help take care of him. She is now pregnant and spends all her money on preparing for the baby. She has told people we are keeping her son away from her and all she wants to do is be a mom to him. The therapist once told us to cut off communication because jayden was acting out every time she called and it helped but I soon felt bad and started communication back up. Since then he's had nightmares about the molestation every time he talks to her. My question is...am I overstepping my bounds. I'm trying to protect him the best I Can. I'm not looking to tAke her place as his mom, I just dont want anything bad to hAppen to him ever again. Is it right of me to cut off communication since he has nightmares every time he talks to her. Supervised visitation isn't in the custody paperwork but she's mentally and financially unstable. She still has contacted with the molester and is possibly pregnant with his baby.... what do I do as a step mom. Protect him or let her be the mom she wants.
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:09 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Oh honey, your post is all over the place, which, for the record, I can understand.

Can I get more information more specific to molestation? How was he molested? What details did he give? Who molested him? How did mom get neglect against her?

Some of what you posted isn't related to his needing to be protected. For instance, her being pregnant is not relevant. I think it's important to focus on what's most important and direct your energy there.

To me, it would be insuring he is safe emotionally and physically. What do you think you can do to protect him? What about your husband? Where is he? What does he think?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SarahlovesLiz
by Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 12:05 AM
2 moms liked this

 Let his dad handle contact between the child and the bm.  If it were me, I'd go strictly by the paperwork and listen to what the therapist tells you.  If he says it's in the child's best interest not to have contact, and there is no specific order regarding it, don't contact.  When she obviously let this little angel get hurt to that extent under her care, and she was charged with neglect, she pretty much forfeited her right to make decisions for him.  Just support him, hold him, love him, and fully support his father in what he feels needs to happen.  That's all I can tell you to do.  *hugs*

jocelynrae6
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 12:23 AM
We never got a name of who molested him because he is so young and couldn't explain a lot of what happened but we believe it is a certain male...the male who got the ex pregnant. I included the fact that she's pregnant because if this male who molested jayden is the father of the baby then he is going to be around a lot more and if we allow jayden to go back to her...that male will be around and could hurt jayden again. Mom was charged with neglect because she didnt do anything to protect him and after he told us he was molested she didnt report it. My husband doesn't know what to do with this situation. I'm the one who suggested therapy after it happened. I take him to all his appointments. My husband doesn't do the research that is needed to care for this situation so that is why I took it upon myself. The mom still doesn't believe it happened and thats what scares me about sending him back to her, she might allow for it to happen again.

Quoting Silent_Sea: Oh honey, your post is all over the place, which, for the record, I can understand.

Can I get more information more specific to molestation? How was he molested? What details did he give? Who molested him? How did mom get neglect against her?

Some of what you posted isn't related to his needing to be protected. For instance, her being pregnant is not relevant. I think it's important to focus on what's most important and direct your energy there.

To me, it would be insuring he is safe emotionally and physically. What do you think you can do to protect him? What about your husband? Where is he? What does he think?
GlockMom
by Gold Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 12:35 AM
How was she charged with neglect based on molestation when there haven't been charges brought against the person who molested him?
jocelynrae6
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:04 AM
The person couldn't be caught cause there was no witnesses or evidence besides our son stating he wad molested. Cps found her guilty of neglect because she allowed him to be put in harms way and did nothing after he stated he was molested.

Quoting GlockMom: How was she charged with neglect based on molestation when there haven't been charges brought against the person who molested him?
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:04 AM
Exactly...

Quoting GlockMom: How was she charged with neglect based on molestation when there haven't been charges brought against the person who molested him?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kristinbugg
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:11 AM
All of this.

Quoting Silent_Sea: Oh honey, your post is all over the place, which, for the record, I can understand.

Can I get more information more specific to molestation? How was he molested? What details did he give? Who molested him? How did mom get neglect against her?

Some of what you posted isn't related to his needing to be protected. For instance, her being pregnant is not relevant. I think it's important to focus on what's most important and direct your energy there.

To me, it would be insuring he is safe emotionally and physically. What do you think you can do to protect him? What about your husband? Where is he? What does he think?
kristinbugg
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:13 AM
2 moms liked this
If the molestation wasn't proven, CPS could not charge her with neglect, in regard to the molestation.

Quoting jocelynrae6: The person couldn't be caught cause there was no witnesses or evidence besides our son stating he wad molested. Cps found her guilty of neglect because she allowed him to be put in harms way and did nothing after he stated he was molested.



Quoting GlockMom: How was she charged with neglect based on molestation when there haven't been charges brought against the person who molested him?
jocelynrae6
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:16 AM
I think y'all are missing the point to my question. She was charged regardless of what anyone thinks. I'm asking if its right to do everything to protect him even if that means cutting off communication with his mom. Put yourself in my shoes. Someone molests your child...are you going to send them back with the person who was suppose to take care of them when theres a big possibility it could happen again.

Quoting kristinbugg: If the molestation wasn't proven, CPS could not charge her with neglect, in regard to the molestation.



Quoting jocelynrae6: The person couldn't be caught cause there was no witnesses or evidence besides our son stating he wad molested. Cps found her guilty of neglect because she allowed him to be put in harms way and did nothing after he stated he was molested.





Quoting GlockMom: How was she charged with neglect based on molestation when there haven't been charges brought against the person who molested him?
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:28 AM
3 moms liked this

If someone molested SD or any of my bio-kids, I'd rip their freaking throats out.

But, in your situation, I think your husband needs to step up and do more for his child. He needs to be involved in the therapy, he needs to follow through with whatever the courts have ordered and whatever the therapist has suggested.

My SD has been emotionally abused by BM and BM's family. CPS will do nothing because emotional abuse leaves no visible marks. So, we're working with SD's therapist (she has weekly therapy to help with these issues), and we follow through with whatever the therapist suggests, even if that means no longer encouraging SD to reach out to BM. This has resulted in pretty much ZERO contact between SD and BM outside of BM's parenting time, and even during BM's parenting time BM and SD pretty much only communicate via text as BM just leaves SD with BM's mom.

Anyways, the point is that your husband needs to step up and be involved in the therapy process and HE needs to decide what he wants to inforce as far as his son's contact with BM. 

Quoting jocelynrae6: I think y'all are missing the point to my question. She was charged regardless of what anyone thinks. I'm asking if its right to do everything to protect him even if that means cutting off communication with his mom. Put yourself in my shoes. Someone molests your child...are you going to send them back with the person who was suppose to take care of them when theres a big possibility it could happen again.

Quoting kristinbugg: If the molestation wasn't proven, CPS could not charge her with neglect, in regard to the molestation.



Quoting jocelynrae6: The person couldn't be caught cause there was no witnesses or evidence besides our son stating he wad molested. Cps found her guilty of neglect because she allowed him to be put in harms way and did nothing after he stated he was molested.





Quoting GlockMom: How was she charged with neglect based on molestation when there haven't been charges brought against the person who molested him?


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)