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"whatever, he's 4"

Posted by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:49 PM
  • 99 Replies

4yr old SS has been acting up quite a bit lately (ie sneaking scissors and cutting open the presents under my moms tree, being generally sneaky, lying, coloring on  walls/television/all over his enitre body, being generally rude)and  i cant figure out why! most of these things havent happened at my house (just the lying and attitude)... the gift thing at my mothers and basically everything else plus throwing tows out the window, at BMs house.

Now, DH is the one that found out he drew literally all over everything at his moms house because he saw it when he went to pick him up for the weekend, plus his entire body being covered in marker. he asked BM if he was punished all she said is "no, hes just 4"

...............JUST 4?! he is way too old to be doing things like that and suddenly acting up. SO since we really dont have much control over how she decides to parent, we punished him at our house. he wasnt allowed to play his DS for the whole weekend unless he was good at mommys house all the next week. which worked like a charm lol


anyway, i just dont understand her "hes just 4" thing like he shouldnt be punished for doing something that he knows is wrong?? she has said that to us 3 times now. "hes only 4" and doing nothing about it. is she trying to make us the bad guys? i dont get how she thinks this is a good idea?! lol UGH

by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

You made yourselves the bad guys.

Quoting alegna4:

is she trying to make us the bad guys? 


momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:54 PM

so that sounds like a 4 yr old to me.  Should BM punish him.. ya he needs to learn but she isn't so that is her business.  And you don't have to be the bad guys.  If he does something naughty at your house then discipline him.  He will learn that you can't do those things at your house and that is all you need to concern yourself with.  

alegna4
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:54 PM

so we should just let him do whatever he wants?

Quoting whatIknownow:

You made yourselves the bad guys.

Quoting alegna4:

is she trying to make us the bad guys? 



whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:55 PM
4 moms liked this

Yes, if mom has chosen not to punish him, I wouldn't punish him on her behalf. I am not sure what you think that will accomplish.

And for you, the SM, to be involved in that, is step-suicide. I'm not sure why you would go down that path.

Quoting alegna4:

so we should just let him do whatever he wants?

Quoting whatIknownow:

You made yourselves the bad guys.

Quoting alegna4:

is she trying to make us the bad guys? 




alegna4
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:57 PM

but i dont want him thinking he can misbehave just because we are not around

Quoting momof2cuteboys:

so that sounds like a 4 yr old to me.  Should BM punish him.. ya he needs to learn but she isn't so that is her business.  And you don't have to be the bad guys.  If he does something naughty at your house then discipline him.  He will learn that you can't do those things at your house and that is all you need to concern yourself with.  


CampClan
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:59 PM

I'm sorry but I have had 5 kids with the youngest being 4 right now... AND the most challenging (I always say if he was the oldest he would be an only child).

That crap doesn't cut it in my house. His butt is red when he colors on things he is not suppose to color on. AND he is then made to clean it up while I am standing right there! I don't mess around... he creates a disaster he is to clean it up! 

Good for you & DH for taking charge though... I have often heard you shouldn't punish a child for something after the fact but I think in this case it is the right thing to do!

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:59 PM

His mom is around. When he is with his  mom, his mom makes the rules. If he doesn't get in trouble, then he hasnt' broken any rules. You can't punish him for not following Dad's rules during Mom's time.

Quoting alegna4:

but i dont want him thinking he can misbehave just because we are not around

Quoting momof2cuteboys:

so that sounds like a 4 yr old to me.  Should BM punish him.. ya he needs to learn but she isn't so that is her business.  And you don't have to be the bad guys.  If he does something naughty at your house then discipline him.  He will learn that you can't do those things at your house and that is all you need to concern yourself with.  



momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:03 PM

It is her house and her rules.  What will happen if she doesn't agree is either she won't tell you anymore or she will expect you to be the heavies and you stated you don't want to be that. So you can't discipline for her. 

Quoting alegna4:

but i dont want him thinking he can misbehave just because we are not around

Quoting momof2cuteboys:

so that sounds like a 4 yr old to me.  Should BM punish him.. ya he needs to learn but she isn't so that is her business.  And you don't have to be the bad guys.  If he does something naughty at your house then discipline him.  He will learn that you can't do those things at your house and that is all you need to concern yourself with.  



malinda74
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:03 PM
No but a 4 yr old might not understand why its okay to color on paper but not wallpaper....brain is still developing.
If it were my child...I would discipline but not every mom would.

Quoting alegna4:

so we should just let him do whatever he wants?

Quoting whatIknownow:

You made yourselves the bad guys.

Quoting alegna4:

is she trying to make us the bad guys? 



GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:05 PM
So you guys used BF limited visit to punish for something done on BM time she felt warranted no punishment for? If my kids at 4 did things like that (and they did at least once each) then I considered it a parenting fail on my part. ALL kids will do things like that if they are not supervised close enough. It was her fault, maybe that is why she isn't punishing for it?
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