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" stepping up "

Posted by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 4:56 PM
  • 51 Replies
Who thinks its ok for a step parent to discipline their step child after the parent thinks that the action requires no discipline. Is it ok for a step parent to " step up" if in their mind the parent isn't handling the situation to their liking?
Moms ... would you be ok with a step parent disciplining your child for an action that you have already handled and decided what to do? ?

Lets hear.
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 4:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:01 PM
1 mom liked this
No...just no.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:01 PM
6 moms liked this

Nope!

I'm a custodial SM and I would actually say I'm helping to raise my stepkids. But I am not going to undermine their mother. That would be dumb, dumb, dumb.

Any stepparent who undermines the authority of the bioparents (BOTH of them) is just shooting herself in the foot.  But this is something newbies just won't get until years later when the kid hates them and thinks their mother walks on water and now the SM is in the doghouse. Dumb!!

mommymix0820
by Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:07 PM

I'm a SM and my DH is a SD this is our number one rule...we never EVER undermine a parent regardless if we agree or not. If he says something that's what it is and vice versa. If we don't agree with something the other did then after the kids are in bed we'll discuss it but never disagree in front of the children! and as stepparents there should be a certain boundary in place like where u know the bio parent isn't going to get mad if u discipline a certain way...

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this

If SD does something at BM's house that I don't agree with (and lets be honest, that happens nearly EVERY SINGLE VISIT) I say nothing. Now, DH can take it up with BM, and he has on several occasions.

I'm a CSM, and I help DH raise SD. But, those types of things, those are decisions to be made between DH and BM.

thecircus8
by Silver Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:14 PM
This exactly. I'm a CSM also. I would never override DH. And I really could care less what BM does, standard exceptions apply.The kids are there for a short period of time, they know they have yo follow the rules at our house. Evidently BM is getting SS6, who is on the spectrum a bow and arrow for Christmas. I don't thinknits a good idea but as long as it stays at her house, its whatever. Kids are smart, they will figure it out. And a SP never needs to be the bad guy.

Quoting whatIknownow:

Nope!

I'm a custodial SM and I would actually say I'm helping to raise my stepkids. But I am not going to undermine their mother. That would be dumb, dumb, dumb.

Any stepparent who undermines the authority of the bioparents (BOTH of them) is just shooting herself in the foot.  But this is something newbies just won't get until years later when the kid hates them and thinks their mother walks on water and now the SM is in the doghouse. Dumb!!

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:15 PM
No. Why? It likely makes everyone miserable especially sm. Sm "steps up". And then is not supported by dh or bm. And then the child resents her. Dh resents her and bm likely thinks she has overstepped.

If your husband isn't on board, sm should back off...
inkandflowers
by Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:20 PM
I roll out discipline but I do not go behind DH and tell the skids something different than what he just said.
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:21 PM

BM isn't an active parent, so she doesn't really count.  

I would never discipline SS's if DH didn't think it was necessary, and there have been times. 

malinda74
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:25 PM
No. That is all.
CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Dec. 26, 2013 at 5:29 PM
I was told by a new member that if mom doesn't step up and disciple her kid then she will. Check the 4yr old post. Shes freakin nutts

Quoting chanizen: No. Why? It likely makes everyone miserable especially sm. Sm "steps up". And then is not supported by dh or bm. And then the child resents her. Dh resents her and bm likely thinks she has overstepped.



If your husband isn't on board, sm should back off...
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