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Help!! The X wife is driving me insane & my SD also.

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 5:47 AM
  • 76 Replies
1 mom liked this
I'm just trying to find some answers on how to handle my husbands ex. She has been causing drama for months. I've been married to my husband for over a year. We met we were fine. Then my SD & SS would go telling there mom I was mean to them. I'm sorry but I have rules in my home & when there in my care they need to respect me & the rules in the home. It's to the point now where the ex is calling my husband saying she wants to fight me. Back in the days I would have lol but I'm a mother now and I have priorities in my life & don't have time for pert drama. And my husband never speaks up. He defends me to a minimum but now I'm tired this whole situation is driving me in sane. It's causing problems in my marriage & it really is distancing me from my step kids. I feel like I can't be myself in my own home, I have to watch what I say, what looks I make, if I'm quiet or if I'm to loud. Please help how do I handle this whole situation before I file for divorce. Ohhh I forgot to mention him & I just had our first baby 3 weeks ago. So basically I've dealt with all this during my pregnancy and still going through it.
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 5:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Dec. 29, 2013 at 5:52 AM
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She wants to fight you? How childish. 

Your husband should make it clear to his ex that there are rules in the house, and the children need to follow these rules. The main issue is not the ex but your husband. He should put his foot down because he is the only one who can put a stop to this. In the meantime, I'd go on the way it was before. The ex has no right to dictate how you run your house. She might be the mother of the SKs but she has no sayso in how you have to live your life. 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 5:59 AM
4 moms liked this

Don't be the one to enforce rules in your home. Your husband is a big boy and can be the one to enforce to his children how they will behave and any consequences for not behaving appropriately.

If his ex gets violent with you, or acts like she might, call the police. Have her ass thrown in jail. I have ZERO tolerance for adults who act like teenagers.

Logansmmy
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 6:02 AM
2 moms liked this
I totally agree he needs to put her in her place but he does only to a minimum. & wanting to fight yes childish. I have warned him several times that if this continues I will leave. I just can't feel this frustration any more. It's like every time he says he's picking the kids up I get nauseous because of all the problems they cause & I just sit there & think what's next.
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Dec. 29, 2013 at 6:24 AM
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He seems to be scared of her. How often does he pick up the kids? You can't force him to man up, and you can't force BM to stop her behavior. Ignoring BM works me. Nothing she says phases me. In my life, she does not exist. My husband is the person who I have to be on the same page with. BM has no power over me or my life. No matter what I did or didn't do, she always found something to bitch and complain about. What was okay on one day, was unacceptable the next. It took a little while to get there but the best solution for me is to shut her and all the drama she wants to bring in my life out. 

Quoting Logansmmy: I totally agree he needs to put her in her place but he does only to a minimum. & wanting to fight yes childish. I have warned him several times that if this continues I will leave. I just can't feel this frustration any more. It's like every time he says he's picking the kids up I get nauseous because of all the problems they cause & I just sit there & think what's next.


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:40 AM

It's sad that you will be a single mother of an infant, but I don't see any way around divorce. Your behavior with your stepkids has caused them to dislike you and this has caused problems in your marriage. I think divorce would be best, since you seem unwilling to change your behavior.

kellynh
by Kelly on Dec. 29, 2013 at 8:07 AM
2 moms liked this

Your thinking is off....

See the red.... The problems THEY cause. It's not them. They are children. Kids talk to their mom and they should. I didn't let dd5 have ice cream last night. I was mean. She told my mom on the phonei was mean. To her, I was. You DH is not shutting this crap down. He is not speaking up. 

Change your thinking to problems the kids re causing and replace it with problems DH is causing. Keep that in perspective, because if you don't... You will end up resenting children for either normal kid behavior or for stuff that isn't their fault.

Also, look 3 weeks... You are exhausted, haven't slept and totally in love with your own little creature that just stole your heart and made you both extremely forceful and loving. Nothing else really matters to you right now. Nature is a beautiful thing... Also throw in the baby blue hormones and you are pretty much a zombie hormonal basket case right now. It's not the best time to be making decisions. Just try to have a semi normal talk with DH and spell out exactly what you need him to do to lessen your stress. 

Congrats on the new baby. 

Quoting Logansmmy: I totally agree he needs to put her in her place but he does only to a minimum. & wanting to fight yes childish. I have warned him several times that if this continues I will leave. I just can't feel this frustration any more. It's like every time he says he's picking the kids up I get nauseous because of all the problems they cause & I just sit there & think what's next.


CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Dec. 29, 2013 at 8:16 AM
Wait until your emotions are " back to nornal" you have been hormonal, preggo. .. now you're sleep deprived and dealing with a whole new life with a baby to ajust to. Kids are annoying in general, your kid will be too, just won't bother you as much because you love him/her so much. Stop GIVING the kids so much power over you. YOU have a choice to ignore things, walk away, and if anyone causes problems its your hubby
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:33 AM
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Are you mean to them?

Why are you the one enforcing the rules?

Let dad handle it and let go of what he doesn't want to handle.

And tell him to stop telling you what BM says about you to him.  You don't need to know it.  All he is doing is adding to the drama by replaying their entire conversation.

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this
Why don't you try backing off and let your husband parent his children. Try playing the role of the fun aunt. Ignore BM completely. Don't listen to phone calls, don't read messages, and don't discuss her with your DH.
kristinbugg
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this
You talk of everything SCs and BM do that is wrong.

What are YOU doing to contribute to the chaos?
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