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how do you moms and step moms do clothing exchanges/purchasing?

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:22 PM
  • 47 Replies
Here is our situation:) I have a five year old SD and a 7 month old DD. My step daughter is at our house from Friday night at 7 til noon sat. And 7 fri .until 6 sunday alternating every other weekend. So as you can see we dont have to dress her very often. Up until just these last few months we have had clothes over here that her mom and nana buy and we buy her a few things here ant there. Well now her mom wants us to send her back with the clothes she wore over plus the clothes on her back. So now she doesnt have any clothes over here at all except the couple outfits we just bought her. my SD has a little sister 3 yrs old at her moms house so she gets the hand me downs. Well her mom suddenly wants us to have a full wardrobe for her here which is totally fine as I being a woman and inlove with fashion Love shopping and spoiling my littles. But this it the catch. When I buy clothes for my SD they go over to her moms and never come back. They keep them for her little sister to wear. Is it wrong of me to ask that any clothes we buy her are returned back to our house so that we can save them her her little sister here who is 7 months? He mom thinks we should not worry because after her other little sister gets done with them she will hand them back down to us. But I know that if the clothes were only worn here and returned they would be in great shape for our . Month old to wear not worn out by two girls already. we dont have alot of money as it is. So I dont want to spend $1000 a year on clothes that I might get back 4 years later all worn out ya know?? Thank you!
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:30 PM
4 moms liked this
Wash the clothes she arrives in and send her home in those.
momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Back when we did this ... I sent a bag to BF's for the weekend.  BF sent it all home dirty that way I knew I was getting it all back.  But we are 50/50 now so we have two seperated wardrobe.  If there is something I know I don't want to lose to Dad's my son doesn't get to wear it.  

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:34 PM


Quoting HopesNDreams: Wash the clothes she arrives in and send her home in those.

This, or go to the thrift store and get some cheaply clothes to send her home In Or garage sales.

shekyram
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Have clothes at your house, BM has her clothes and you don't send things back and forth.  We used to pack a bag for their visitations but things would not come back so to stop this from happening we send them with clothes on their back and when they come back they return in the outfit that they wore to BM house.

Diva-Mami
by Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:38 PM
This. Its the easiest way. That way you kbow they are in good shape and no arguements

Quoting HopesNDreams: Wash the clothes she arrives in and send her home in those.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:43 PM
1 mom liked this
We don't exchange clothes. My clothes stay here. Dads clothes stay there. She wears an outfit there and takes an outfit to come back in. And they send the first outfit back. Since your home is the one she is visiting this is easy. Don't send your clothes with her. They stay at your house. The clothes mom sends goes back to moms. Pretty simple. You don't need an entire wardrobe. A few pairs of panties some socks. 5-7 outfits so she can alternate. She isn't there enough to need more than that. Send her back in either what she came in or another outfit mom sent. No your clothes don't need to be handed down to her other child. That's wack.
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KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:48 PM
1 mom liked this
This is definitely the best way to avoid conflict.

Quoting HopesNDreams: Wash the clothes she arrives in and send her home in those.
pseudomamma
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:51 PM

This is what most everyone I know does.  We kept clothes at our house for the kids.  It was easier than trying to find the lost sock or missing shirt after the weekend.  There is no harm in sending the clothes with SD after she outgrows them so they can be given to her sister.

Quoting HopesNDreams: Wash the clothes she arrives in and send her home in those.


sarycanary
by Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 7:55 PM
1 mom liked this
We label everything even socks and underwear! It used to not be like that but it ended up being an issue at times. Now everything is labeled and we have on occasion taken a pic of a specific new,dressy or important item. Seems a bit silly but it keeps the peace. We try very hard to was an send SD back in her "moms" clothes. Or pick one particular outfit from your house and use that every time she goes back to moms. Then it isn't confusing to either house. No reason her moms other child should get hand-me-downs that you have purchased!!!

Quoting momof2ex1: We don't exchange clothes. My clothes stay here. Dads clothes stay there. She wears an outfit there and takes an outfit to come back in. And they send the first outfit back. Since your home is the one she is visiting this is easy. Don't send your clothes with her. They stay at your house. The clothes mom sends goes back to moms. Pretty simple. You don't need an entire wardrobe. A few pairs of panties some socks. 5-7 outfits so she can alternate. She isn't there enough to need more than that. Send her back in either what she came in or another outfit mom sent. No your clothes don't need to be handed down to her other child. That's wack.
aeELE
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 8:01 PM

Our situation is a little different w 50/50 custody; SS has always had a complete wardrobe in each house. 

I too love to shop, especially for SS. When our clothes stopped coming back, we just stopped sending SS in them. BM can't dictate to you what you do and do not send to her. How would she even know about clothes you buy and keep at your house? In our case the only thing that changes with SS is his lunch box and the clothes on his back. So he wears back clothes that wore here. We try to stay one outfit behind so that SS isn't wearing his Monday outfit back to daycare on Wednesday. Sometimes that doesn't work because SS will come in something he has outgrown or is much too big. When that happens, we will simply dress him in clothes that we are ok with not getting back. 

We try to decrease drama by working on our end to eliminate ways it can be caused. 

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