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ugh I'm so frustrated

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 9:30 PM
  • 6 Replies
Sds meds fell out of her bag on our way to meet bm. I called the pharmacy and the Dr I got her an emergency refill that I prepaid for over the phone. Bm didn't pick them up. She was freaking out about sd not being on her meds and all she had to go was actually go to the pharmacy that she passed 4 times last week while having sd.
Sd took jewlery from bms house that was sds but wasn't supposed to take home. When I asked sd why she said she wanted to give it as Christmas gifts to family members up here.when dh explained this to bm and told her wed take sd shopping for cheap Christmas gifts bm told him sd needs to learn the value of money.
I'm frustrated because what the hell how are we supposed to teach a kid that when her mother doesn't understand the value of my time and my money. I prepaid for sds meds. It was an accident that they fell out but we found a way to make up for it. I even made an after hrs call to the dr for meds that she never picked up. Who's going to teach bm that? I know I shouldn't allow this to get to me dh already said that but this shit makes me so mad. He told me that's just how bm is ok well next time something happens similar I will just ignore it. Why is it she gets to just be stupid and everyone says I don't know what more u want from her but yet we are expected to be the only one teaching sd how to be a responsible adult. Im soooo mad I just need to let it out.
I wish dh would have said something to her.
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 9:30 PM
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Replies (1-6):
amanda.lyn
by New Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 10:16 PM
Ugh, so sorry... Bump
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Dec. 29, 2013 at 10:32 PM

You're not expected to do anything   

I raise my children all the time, my ex isn't involved in that.  He showed up for Christmas, before that, not at all.  It is how it is and getting upset by it will do nothing.

Same with my husband.  

Same with you.  

mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 12:29 AM
Your absolutely right it's not going to help in the end. However I am expected to help raise that kid. Sd expects it dh expects it and I'm pretty damned sure bm expects it because she's the one that told me the meds were missing. She told me to find a way to get them to her. I did that and she ignored it.
When dh and I got married we had a special spot in our ceremony were we promised our lives to the children his to mine and mine to his. I have no problem helping him raise sd and I am fine with sd and dh expecting me to help because I made that promise to them.
My problem is I didn't promise bm shit. I didn't promise to anyone that I'd be ok with her acting a fool and expecting him and I to do all the work. I know it shouldn't upset me but it does. I am sure I'm being petty in ur mind and the minds of some other people but it hurts to see my sd care so much for a woman who has so little concern for her. As I'm sure that it hurts u to know that this man u had children with could turn into the type of person that would only show up for maybe a Christmas with his children.
Im not going to tell her one doesn't care for her because that is mean to say to a kid. I just want her to learn that a mother doesn't act like this. I want to know that dh and I our doing our best to show sd how an adult and a parent acts so that someday when sd is an adult and maybe even a mom she will be that much better of one.
I honestly am scared that because of her moms u deal with the mistakes no matter who created them mind set that dh and I are going to have to put up with way more then what we are cut out for.

Quoting packermom4ever:

You're not expected to do anything   

I raise my children all the time, my ex isn't involved in that.  He showed up for Christmas, before that, not at all.  It is how it is and getting upset by it will do nothing.

Same with my husband.  

Same with you.  

minimoo
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:36 AM
1 mom liked this
I totally get where you are coming from. You want what's best for sd and for her to have good role models. I struggle with this myself with my dd and her bf. The examples he sets are not something anyone would wish for a child. I worry that she is going to make the same mistake I did and be with someone like him, which will hold her down and diminish her sense of self worth as well as subject her to horrible abuse of the worse kind. I worry that she will think it's okay to not work and live off the backs of other people. I worry that she will start smoking, drinking and doing drugs (he has already said that he will buy them for her). I also worry that sm will have an influence over her and she will think it's ok to cheat on her own dh and have multiple babies with other men. I have worried myself sick over it. His sister in law actually helped me quite a bit. She said that yes, he is a bad example and worse role model possible, but I have to remember that he is not her only role model. There is a chance she might end up with someone like her father, but there is also a better chance that she sees dh, her sf, treat women with much more respect and want that for herself. She is super close to dh. I have taught her values and the importance of commitment- we had a huge talk about chasing on people and why it is wrong before she told me that sm cheated on bf and get child wasn't his and she didn't know who the dad was (why a child was told this information is beyond me). The thing that sil told me that stuck out more them anything was that she is confident that dd will see the difference between the two different lifestyles (working hard vs welfare/mooch, glass of wine here and there vs heavy drinking every night (and most of the day), drug and smoke free vs drugs, loving and healthy relationship vs insecurity and trust broken, parents who value education and both have degrees vs hs dropouts who are going nowhere fast with their lives... she gets to see first hand the damage and affects their lifestyle had made on their lives along with the consequences. She sees that the alcohol abuse leads him to not be able to keep a job And makes him mean. She sees that we have always worked hard and sacrificed in order to provide for them- as a result, we now own a really nice home and while we are not rich, we are comfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say is it really helped me to switch my thinking around. Instead of worrying about whether she might follow mom's example (bc if she does, you can't control it- sd will make choices and you can't control mom's choices), focus on being the best role model you can be in hopes that she will make better choices.

Hope this helps :-)

Quoting mamaBerg85: Your absolutely right it's not going to help in the end. However I am expected to help raise that kid. Sd expects it dh expects it and I'm pretty damned sure bm expects it because she's the one that told me the meds were missing. She told me to find a way to get them to her. I did that and she ignored it.

When dh and I got married we had a special spot in our ceremony were we promised our lives to the children his to mine and mine to his. I have no problem helping him raise sd and I am fine with sd and dh expecting me to help because I made that promise to them.

My problem is I didn't promise bm shit. I didn't promise to anyone that I'd be ok with her acting a fool and expecting him and I to do all the work. I know it shouldn't upset me but it does. I am sure I'm being petty in ur mind and the minds of some other people but it hurts to see my sd care so much for a woman who has so little concern for her. As I'm sure that it hurts u to know that this man u had children with could turn into the type of person that would only show up for maybe a Christmas with his children.

Im not going to tell her one doesn't care for her because that is mean to say to a kid. I just want her to learn that a mother doesn't act like this. I want to know that dh and I our doing our best to show sd how an adult and a parent acts so that someday when sd is an adult and maybe even a mom she will be that much better of one.

I honestly am scared that because of her moms u deal with the mistakes no matter who created them mind set that dh and I are going to have to put up with way more then what we are cut out for.



Quoting packermom4ever:

You're not expected to do anything   

I raise my children all the time, my ex isn't involved in that.  He showed up for Christmas, before that, not at all.  It is how it is and getting upset by it will do nothing.

Same with my husband.  

Same with you.  

thecircus8
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:49 AM
2 moms liked this
Said perfectly mini. I worry all the time that DD17 will follow in her parents footsteps, or even worse be emotionally distant all her life. (We have guardianship of her. Lets just say her parental units are not great. And she is a child of my heart, most like me then any if my BIOS) I just know that me and DH are modeling good relationships, behaviors and how to be an adult. I can't change the other junk. Fortunately DD17 is about the most mature teenager I have even met. I am so thankful that she is in our lives. And I was so happy when she found her BoyF, and got giggly over him. Lol, it was nice to see her "act like a teen". The boyfriend is also very mature and has detailed plans for his life. OP just model good behavior you can't change anyone else's.

Quoting minimoo: I totally get where you are coming from. You want what's best for sd and for her to have good role models. I struggle with this myself with my dd and her bf. The examples he sets are not something anyone would wish for a child. I worry that she is going to make the same mistake I did and be with someone like him, which will hold her down and diminish her sense of self worth as well as subject her to horrible abuse of the worse kind. I worry that she will think it's okay to not work and live off the backs of other people. I worry that she will start smoking, drinking and doing drugs (he has already said that he will buy them for her). I also worry that sm will have an influence over her and she will think it's ok to cheat on her own dh and have multiple babies with other men. I have worried myself sick over it. His sister in law actually helped me quite a bit. She said that yes, he is a bad example and worse role model possible, but I have to remember that he is not her only role model. There is a chance she might end up with someone like her father, but there is also a better chance that she sees dh, her sf, treat women with much more respect and want that for herself. She is super close to dh. I have taught her values and the importance of commitment- we had a huge talk about chasing on people and why it is wrong before she told me that sm cheated on bf and get child wasn't his and she didn't know who the dad was (why a child was told this information is beyond me). The thing that sil told me that stuck out more them anything was that she is confident that dd will see the difference between the two different lifestyles (working hard vs welfare/mooch, glass of wine here and there vs heavy drinking every night (and most of the day), drug and smoke free vs drugs, loving and healthy relationship vs insecurity and trust broken, parents who value education and both have degrees vs hs dropouts who are going nowhere fast with their lives... she gets to see first hand the damage and affects their lifestyle had made on their lives along with the consequences. She sees that the alcohol abuse leads him to not be able to keep a job And makes him mean. She sees that we have always worked hard and sacrificed in order to provide for them- as a result, we now own a really nice home and while we are not rich, we are comfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say is it really helped me to switch my thinking around. Instead of worrying about whether she might follow mom's example (bc if she does, you can't control it- sd will make choices and you can't control mom's choices), focus on being the best role model you can be in hopes that she will make better choices.



Hope this helps :-)



Quoting mamaBerg85: Your absolutely right it's not going to help in the end. However I am expected to help raise that kid. Sd expects it dh expects it and I'm pretty damned sure bm expects it because she's the one that told me the meds were missing. She told me to find a way to get them to her. I did that and she ignored it.


When dh and I got married we had a special spot in our ceremony were we promised our lives to the children his to mine and mine to his. I have no problem helping him raise sd and I am fine with sd and dh expecting me to help because I made that promise to them.


My problem is I didn't promise bm shit. I didn't promise to anyone that I'd be ok with her acting a fool and expecting him and I to do all the work. I know it shouldn't upset me but it does. I am sure I'm being petty in ur mind and the minds of some other people but it hurts to see my sd care so much for a woman who has so little concern for her. As I'm sure that it hurts u to know that this man u had children with could turn into the type of person that would only show up for maybe a Christmas with his children.


Im not going to tell her one doesn't care for her because that is mean to say to a kid. I just want her to learn that a mother doesn't act like this. I want to know that dh and I our doing our best to show sd how an adult and a parent acts so that someday when sd is an adult and maybe even a mom she will be that much better of one.


I honestly am scared that because of her moms u deal with the mistakes no matter who created them mind set that dh and I are going to have to put up with way more then what we are cut out for.





Quoting packermom4ever:

You're not expected to do anything   

I raise my children all the time, my ex isn't involved in that.  He showed up for Christmas, before that, not at all.  It is how it is and getting upset by it will do nothing.

Same with my husband.  

Same with you.  

mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 4:58 PM
Thank u lady I just needed a boost. A shot of confidence that's all. A reminder that my heart is in the right place and to not allow the darkness to consume it. Lol sorry if that's a little fairly tailish I just took the kids to see frozen.
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