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Separate or equal kids and skids....

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 12:48 AM
  • 58 Replies
I have two kids and 4 step kids, my daughter is out of the house, my son is 12 with an autism spectrum disorder and has a special diet. I heard my skids think I favor my son. I've only been a stepmom for 9 months. They are 20(in college) 17,15 and 11 and spend 50% of the week with us. My son is with me 99% of the time.
I work full time an have always done well for myself so my kids have been used to doing things like vacations and movies etc without worrying about money. Now that we have 3 other kids living with us 50% of the time it's hard for me to give my son the life he was use to because it's just too expensive. I pay for every trip we take and recently I took my kids and husband to NYC, it wasn't our weekend to have them and when asked if they wanted to go they either said I don't know or no. . Should I feel guilty? I haven't heard the end of it from the SD and the x wife throws it in my husbands face. Even though she took her oldest to Florida last Christmas and left the othe kids with us she told my husband she would never go on vacation and not take the kids. Is it okay for me to do family trips with just my kids or do I always need to take the skids when it's not our time with them? (We do try to do local outings with them when we have them and we do a big family week long trip annualy). I still want to do things for my kids because I can afford it but I can't afford it for 8 of us.
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 12:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Taylor5kids
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Welcome to my world!

I've been cleaning away my frustrations over the fact that there's only one week left of my DS8's Christmas break before he has to go back to school, and all I've wanted is to find some time to be able to take him and my DS3 somewhere outside of the house and enjoy some time alone having fun. However, there isn't much I can do since my SD13 and SD11 will be here until Thursday, and we are in the same boat when it comes to being able to afford taking everyone out all at once. My boys are easy, and they don't ask for much. Ever. My SDs on the other hand expect a lot, and just the thought of taking them somewhere makes you want to take out a personal loan prior to leaving with them.
And as for the statement about you favoring your own child over your Skids? Ofcourse you never want to come across as the evil stepmom who wait on your child with a silver platter while your step kids are busy tending to your every need, but emotionally, you have every right to favor your own child and I have no doubt that their BM favors them over any other children she may have in her life.
BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:03 AM
2 moms liked this
I don't think it's a negative thing for any child to find out that they can't have everything and don't have to be included in everything. It's healthy they learn to deal with it.
It doesn't mean that you guys don't care about them. But it also means that your life and other children lives don't stop when there not around.

You offered for them to come and they decline. That's on them His ex needs to not feed into it. As let it stay Btwn you and the children.

Personally I wouldn't give it a second thought.
dawncs
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:04 AM
2 moms liked this

I come from a step family myself with both sides having one child on the spectrum each. I discovered from my own personal experience as a mild one on the spectrum that no one understands any disabled person or child unless they have a close family member affected by a disability. I would not feel guilty because you have to realize your step kids benefit from their mother's side of the family too. I doubt she would take your kids along on their family trips at all.

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:01 AM
8 moms liked this

you're allowed to do whatever you want with your kids and your money. My stepkids know that I do things/take trips with DD9 without them. Just like their mom takes them places without her stepkids.

They may not like it but tough shit.

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:15 AM
2 moms liked this
My SD complained that I favored DD because I took her places that I didn't take SD. When confronted with the fact that she was 1) invited to go, 2) slept through the time we were leaving, and 3) most of these 'awesome' places were things like grocery shopping, target, and doctors appointments where I needed help with the babies, SD backed down immediately. She then learned to only complain about it to people who would have no way of verifying any facts.

Some people just like to complain.
CrunchMaMaBear
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:20 AM
1 mom liked this
No. You are free to do things with your children olny. Nothing in life is fair and kids will realize it sooner or later. Of course you favor your child, he's YOURS!! How can you not , and he has autism , so he needs xtra attention. 4 step kids Is A LOT, I wouldn't do it lol
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:26 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: No. You are free to do things with your children olny. Nothing in life is fair and kids will realize it sooner or later. Of course you favor your child, he's YOURS!! How can you not , and he has autism , so he needs xtra attention. 4 step kids Is A LOT, I wouldn't do it lol

my 9 yr old is autistic and she needs a lot of attention-my sd12 complains a lot how I "ignore her for my daughter" and I told her-she's mine-you're not that's life kid!

although I must say-I do make sure sure BOTH stepkids get 1 on 1 time with me every day they are here.


whatIknownow
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this

What is wrong with you favoring your son? He is your son, the other children are not.

If their father can't afford to take them on trips, then they can't go on trips. That is not your fault.

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:16 AM

this

Quoting whatIknownow:

What is wrong with you favoring your son? He is your son, the other children are not.

If their father can't afford to take them on trips, then they can't go on trips. That is not your fault.


***Briterican***


bottomline
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:38 AM

 You shouldn't feel guilty about it.  You took your children on vacation, period.  Don't worry about what bm does, you don't want to lower yourself to anyone else's standards. Don't compare yourself or your actions to bm, just do your thing. If your Sk's can't understand your son needing more of your time, DH needs to sit them down and explain it to them in detail.  If they still don't get it, they are probably just looking for something to whine about.

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