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She wants him to leave me and take our son so they can be together.

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:25 PM
  • 15 Replies

 back story: My husband has a daughter in Mexico, she is 4 and he has never met her. He tried to get them to come here before they split and his ex refused. So our only contact has been by phone. We send money to help out. We have received 3 pictures of her since she was born and we send extra money so she can send us pictures and she never does. Not only do we not get pictures he is not allowed to tell his daughter who he is, so she doesn't know who she's talking too. (His ex lives with her mother and her mother doesn't like him and doesn't want him to be apart of her life) so his ex is scared of being kicked out, though she has another child by another man who doesn't help at all. But of course grandma doesn't know we help so i guess it wouldn't really matter. So the relationship that he has with his daughter kind of sucks but he at least can speak with her. Well every once in awhile his ex goes through this faze where she wants him back and she starts talking to him about their past and why they didn't work, even had the audacity to tell him that he could take our son and come back to her to raise them together. We don't communicate, my Spanish is not good, though i am trying to learn for the sake of extended family in Mexico and so that my son can learn as well. So i got fed up with it and i sent her text and told her that if she wanted to text or call about his daughter that was fine, but otherwise she needed to stop. He's moved on and she needs to do the same. I was polite it was in English so it had to be translated, but of course she threw a fit and said she didn't want to talk to me and called me some nice names in Spanish which i do understand... lol but she holds this child over his head. he has very limited time with her on the phone and only gets to talk to her when its convenient for his ex. He has only spoken to her once in the past month. Anyways i guess more or less I'm venting. But what would you do. I'm not jealous, i don't care if he talks to his ex its not about that, its about the content of the conversation. It's completely irrelevant and disrespectful and I'm tired of it.

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:28 PM

I would just stay out of it. Let your husband talk to his daughter. There is no reason for you to be involved at all. He is doing the right thing by sending money to help raise his child, but it has nothing to do with you.

die4u
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:40 PM

 That would be fine if he was actually talking to his daughter, but instead he spends an hour on the phone trying to appease his ex about "their" relationship. for two days now she keeps telling him she is going to let him talk to her and still he hasn't. This hurts him, so yes i do think it concerns me. I have to except that she is part of his life she needs to except that i am as well and have respect for that.

whatIknownow
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:42 PM
1 mom liked this

So he and his ex have unfinished business that they want to talk about. That is really between them. Your DH is choosing to talk to her. 

I would just leave the room and tell  him you don't want to know anything about it.

Maybe one day when his daughter is grown, he will have a relationship with her.

Quoting die4u:

 That would be fine if he was actually talking to his daughter, but instead he spends an hour on the phone trying to appease his ex about "their" relationship. for two days now she keeps telling him she is going to let him talk to her and still he hasn't. This hurts him, so yes i do think it concerns me. I have to except that she is part of his life she needs to except that i am as well and have respect for that.


baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:44 PM

She made a request, he isn't moving.

She talks to him on the phone, he CHOOSES to engage and talk back.

Those are the facts. Learn to change what you can and accept what you cannot.

die4u
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:53 PM

 try forced to engage and talk back, when he Chooses not to she stops all communication with him for months a time. i don't understand how this is acceptable behavior.

Quoting baparrot2:

She made a request, he isn't moving.

She talks to him on the phone, he CHOOSES to engage and talk back.

Those are the facts. Learn to change what you can and accept what you cannot.

 

whatIknownow
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:56 PM

Well he got a woman pregnant and then left her in another country.  I guess there is nothing he can do, other than maybe hire a lawyer who deals with international custody issues.

She hold all the cards. Every. single. one.  He's SOL, I think.

Quoting die4u:

 try forced to engage and talk back, when he Chooses not to she stops all communication with him for months a time. i don't understand how this is acceptable behavior.

Quoting baparrot2:

She made a request, he isn't moving.

She talks to him on the phone, he CHOOSES to engage and talk back.

Those are the facts. Learn to change what you can and accept what you cannot.

 


DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:02 PM

I don't really think abandoning your child is acceptable behavior either, but he did it.  

Quoting die4u:

 try forced to engage and talk back, when he Chooses not to she stops all communication with him for months a time. i don't understand how this is acceptable behavior.

Quoting baparrot2:

She made a request, he isn't moving.

She talks to him on the phone, he CHOOSES to engage and talk back.

Those are the facts. Learn to change what you can and accept what you cannot.

 


die4u
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:09 PM

 Unfortunately she was born in Mexico, he is on the birth certificate as far as we know. I know it sounds shitty, but she got pregnant and he couldn't afford to take care of them there so he tried talking her into coming here as a family and she refused. He came with intention of going back, but while he was here she decided to cheat and they couldn't work things out. I met him when his daughter was 2.

Quoting mb1111:

Where was the SD born and is your DH on the birth certificate?  I ask because if she was born in the US and he is on the birth certificate then I would be consulting an attorney and working on getting a CO in place that allows for visitation or a change in custody and if I was him I'd be telling the girl that he is her father.  I'd also keep all records of having sent money to BM to let the court know DH has been helping support SD.  BM is manipulative and it isn't right.  I'm sure there are some laws that govern taking a child across the boarder but I don't know specifics about them.  Besides gaining some control in the situation and going to attorney, I'm not sure there's much to do.  BM is in control and a manipulative bitch and she knows it.

 

die4u
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:26 PM

 She almost gave up custody once when she was pregnant with her son, because she said she couldn't care for two children, but at the time we didn't have the money to go get her, we work paycheck to paycheck and i was pregnant at that time too. If we had the money she would be here with us now. I just don't understand being petty. I get that he's not there and cant do the things she would like him to do for their daughter, but why not make the best of situation and let him have a relationship with his daughter. Me and my ex had a bad divorce, but we realize its not about us, its about our kid and what makes her happy. I would hate for him to have custody, but in the long run if it was better for her, then i wouldn't hesitate. His daughter thinks he lives in the sky (dead), the past is the past why cant they make best of what our situation is now and give her what she needs.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:28 PM

Your SN freaks me out.

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