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Never been a mom.. about to meet BFs 3 kids... I have no idea what to do

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:27 PM
  • 28 Replies

I am 29 divorced with no children dating a divorced 36 year old amazing man of my dreams whom with things are serious enough I am going to be the first female hes introduced to his children, 17, 13, and 10.  I am absolutely terrified.  I know they are his world and I hope they won't hate me or think I am trying to take their mom's place.  I have three step parents (don't ask) whom I all love.  I'd love some tips or just any direction on how to do what im happily getting myself into.  Thank you all!

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CrunchMaMaBear
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:58 PM
2 moms liked this
Be nice
Be friendly
Don't try too hard
Be yourself
:)
whatIknownow
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 1:59 PM

Is their mother dead? If not, I doubt they will think you are trying to take her place. 

whatIknownow
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:00 PM
2 moms liked this

all this.

and, be the really cool lady who is dating their dad.

Bribery helps too. Bring donuts.

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: Be nice
Be friendly
Don't try too hard
Be yourself
:)


aeELE
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:12 PM
I was a childless divorcee of very similar ages when (now) DH and I agreed it was time.

My SS is younger, but I let him set the tone of our relationship.
I was nice and friendly, but not in his face about it. If he was feeling shy, I let him have his space. I also let him have his dad! I had, and have, loads of time (half, to be exact) w DH all to myself; so time w SS was about fostering their relationship and letting ours (mine and SS) grow on the periphery.

I know it's scary, but it was one of the best things I've ever done. Good luck!
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 2:13 PM


Quoting whatIknownow:

all this.

and, be the really cool lady who is dating their dad.

Bribery helps too. Bring donuts.

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: Be nice
Be friendly
Don't try too hard
Be yourself
:)


donuts didn't work for my stepkids-it was actually twizzlers. they were meeting my parents for the first time-scared little things (my father's a very large scary looking man) once dad broke out the candy-all was good!

OP-they're right-just be yourself-fun loving older friend type-you'll be fine!


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:10 PM

 i pretty much was just nice and let them decide when and if they wanted to get close to me. i let their dad parent... sometimes i didnt like how he parented but they were his kids so i said nothing unless asked ( mostly guilt parenting stuff that has resolved itself, not anything huge)

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Since they are older go in just be nice and friendly.  Don't over do it or they will think you are fake.  How long has BF and BM been divorced?

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:15 PM
1 mom liked this
You love your stepparents. What did they do or not do? It sounds like they may have created a good roadmap for you.

The best advice is to just keep it casual. The kids are older. Just be dad's friend - treat it the way you would if you were meeting any friend's kids.
shekyram
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:20 PM

Be yourself.......

Taylor5kids
by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 3:08 PM
Well, considering you have step parents of your own I would say that you have a leg up on some of us and probably won't realize it until you are in the situation yourself. I'm thankful that I had two parents who managed to stay together for 37 years until my dad passed away, but I do believe that I would've had a little more of an understanding on how to handle skids or blending a family if I had been around more COD or atleast had friends who were open about the life they lived.

You can do it! Just be nice and friendly and do not set any expectations for any of the kids. I did that after spending time with my skids before I married my DH and from hearing everything I supposedly needed to know from family members. I never realized that even if they were perfect angels at one point, that hormones and the 13th bday would just sneak up when least expected and change all of that overnight. Teenagers can be scary. Lol


Quoting NeverBeenAMom29:

I am 29 divorced with no children dating a divorced 36 year old amazing man of my dreams whom with things are serious enough I am going to be the first female hes introduced to his children, 17, 13, and 10.  I am absolutely terrified.  I know they are his world and I hope they won't hate me or think I am trying to take their mom's place.  I have three step parents (don't ask) whom I all love.  I'd love some tips or just any direction on how to do what im happily getting myself into.  Thank you all!

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