My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Like many married couples, we discuss hypothetical situations and "what ifs?" such as "If I were in a coma and I was not going to recover, I want you to pull the plug." and "If something happens to me and you get remarried, I will not be mad because I would want you to be happy." No, it is not morbid. We want to respect each other's wishes. One of the things that we discussed was that, if he died before I did, than I would still want to have a relationship with my stepdaughter. She lives with us full time and sees her mother every other weekend. I have taken on the role of mother to her and I would still want a relationship with her if her father passed away. Also, she has a relationship with me and my family and her step-siblings and her half-brother and it would traumatize her to lose all of us. My husband spoke to his ex wife about it and she said that that shouldn't be a problem. She also teased (though my husband thinks she was half serious) about continuing our current custody arrangement, if my husband dies, only with me having custody and she gets her every other weekend like she is now. I honestly would have no problem with that. Leslie, my husband's ex, is a workaholic. The reason we got custody in the first place is because she made partner at her law firm and started working around the clock and Anna was with sitters and at the day care all day long. When my husband and I were engaged, he was going to take her to court to fight for custody but she eventually agreed to change the arrangement around. Now, instead of being with sitters and day care workers all the time and being alone in the house with her mom, she lives with me, my husband, and my two kids. She loves being with us.
Leslie's mother hates my relationship with my stepdaughter and resents my parents' relationship with her as well. They are pissed at her for making that arrangement with my husband and I. They think that, as the wicked stepmom, I should just sit on my hands and never say a word to her, never discipline her, never play with her or spend any quality time with her because I have no right to acknowledge her existence because she isn't really my child and she is at my house to spend time with my husband, not me. Instead, I treat her like she is one of my own kids and they hate that. My husband's ex, however, loves that I am like a mother to her daughter. She and I are pretty good friends and we do things together like Christmas shopping for the kids and we plan my stepdaughter's birthday parties together. We coordinate presents together as well.
I hear a lot of people, on CM and in real life, say that the only good thing about loosing their husband has been/would be getting rid of their step kids. I love my stepdaughter and I can't imagine a future where I don't have the relationship that I do now. Am I so wrong for that?