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Ss18 got his license,who pays for what?

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2014 at 10:44 PM
  • 37 Replies
I've written about this before,but I have mommy brain(dd14 months old) and I can't remember the post:(

Anyhow! I'm a Bm of 3 dds. 1-10-12 and my dh has his sons "week on and off"(usually 3-4 days less then Bm)DH pays her CS.

Ss just turned 18 and wants a car. Bm is buying him a car because my dh will not buy him a car without ss "working" for it. SS quit his job,doesn't really do any chores,grades are bad even though he's really really smart,ditches on BMs days,Ect....

The plan was My dh would have paid 1/3(ss,Bm,my dh) of the car,insurance,gas,Ect. Since ss hasn't tried doing any of this,dh will not help with the costs of the car. He has told ss that once he sees some effort,he will help with gas and college expenses(he's still a senior)

Bm,her dh and ss are upset about this and think my dh is a deadbeat. I would do the same thing to my own dds if they didn't put their part.

How did/do handle this situation? Ss is a good kid but he has no motivation because he's been "given" everything without working for it. IMO.

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by on Jan. 3, 2014 at 10:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jan. 3, 2014 at 10:46 PM
Ps-I'm all for helping kids out. Shoot! When/if ss or my dds get married,we'd love to put the first down payment on a home for them if possible. But we don't like to give handouts when the kids haven't even worked for it. YKWIM?

If it makes my dh look like a douche,oh well... Lol. Jk. :)
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Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 10:57 PM
2 moms liked this

Yea, I'd continue to tell them all that once I see SS put some sort of effort into earning a car, gas money, insurance, etc I'd be more than willing to help with it.

jules2boys
by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:03 PM
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I  haven't faced this YET (ODS is 15, and of course he 'wants' a car but knows darn well that's not happening! LOL).  I would handle it as your DH has so far.  Once his DS shows some initiative (gets a job, saves some money, brings up grades, stops ditching school, etc.) I might help out.... HOWEVER, now that the kid is legally an adult, though still in school, I'd set a deadline on that 'offer' too.  Say, by the end of his first semester in college/trade school, or December, 2014, if DS has, by then, found and kept a job, saved money, graduated high school with passing grades (better on honor roll but that may not be an option if he's ditching school too), is enrolled in school (college or trade school) and ALSO maintaining good grades, I'll consider offering my 1/3rd for a set amount of time as well. Otherwise, nope, offer has expired and BM, SF, and DS can think whatever they wish of me, but my $$ is staying in MY account. 

ODS15 knows this.  He is free to WANT whatever he wants, and I'm free to NOT GIVE HIM what he 'wants'.  I'll provided basic needs, the more he does, the more he's provided, but he is NOT free loading off of me, or anyone else while living in my home.    I have NO PROBLEM being thought of by anyone as the 'mean mom'.  None. 

I think BM, SF and SS are looney for thinking BF should contribute a dime to someone who's not willing to contribute himself! 

chasinrainbows
by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:41 PM
My son will be 15 soon so he will get his Learners Permit. I have custody. EX will not pay for anything outside of child support so that leaves me buying a truck, insurance, registration. I plan to buy his truck if he has good grades. Maybe even gas if he is playing sports at the time. I was so bent on working all through high school because that's the only way I got anything (including clothes) and I really want it to be a little easier for my kid.
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I feel the same way regarding my kids. If they want a car, insurance, gas money they need to be putting forth an effort to contribute and to show they can be responsible. The same was expected of me and my sister- we both played sports and did activities with school, were honors students and had jobs from the time we were able to work legally. It can be done.
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jan. 4, 2014 at 2:09 AM
Thanks for the advice. I feel the same way. I will help my kids/skids if they show initiative in trying to get ahead in life by working,grades,Ect.

I can tell my dh feels conflicted and feels he should contribute because it makes him feel like he's being a tight wad but that's not the case. I agree with you 100%:)


Quoting jules2boys:

I  haven't faced this YET (ODS is 15, and of course he 'wants' a car but knows darn well that's not happening! LOL).  I would handle it as your DH has so far.  Once his DS shows some initiative (gets a job, saves some money, brings up grades, stops ditching school, etc.) I might help out.... HOWEVER, now that the kid is legally an adult, though still in school, I'd set a deadline on that 'offer' too.  Say, by the end of his first semester in college/trade school, or December, 2014, if DS has, by then, found and kept a job, saved money, graduated high school with passing grades (better on honor roll but that may not be an option if he's ditching school too), is enrolled in school (college or trade school) and ALSO maintaining good grades, I'll consider offering my 1/3rd for a set amount of time as well. Otherwise, nope, offer has expired and BM, SF, and DS can think whatever they wish of me, but my $$ is staying in MY account. 

ODS15 knows this.  He is free to WANT whatever he wants, and I'm free to NOT GIVE HIM what he 'wants'.  I'll provided basic needs, the more he does, the more he's provided, but he is NOT free loading off of me, or anyone else while living in my home.    I have NO PROBLEM being thought of by anyone as the 'mean mom'.  None. 

I think BM, SF and SS are looney for thinking BF should contribute a dime to someone who's not willing to contribute himself! 

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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jan. 4, 2014 at 2:13 AM
Totally understandable. I want my kids to focus on school. I don't really care if they have a job...as long as they are in clubs,sports and other ECAS in high school,I'd be fine footing the bill.

My dh would have given my ss dh's truck,but ss wants a "new car" SMH and Bm is willing to buy it so,ehhhhh,that's on her.

I do feel my dh should contribute if the child is on track and doing what they need(school stuff) to be doing to earn this.


Quoting chasinrainbows: My son will be 15 soon so he will get his Learners Permit. I have custody. EX will not pay for anything outside of child support so that leaves me buying a truck, insurance, registration. I plan to buy his truck if he has good grades. Maybe even gas if he is playing sports at the time. I was so bent on working all through high school because that's the only way I got anything (including clothes) and I really want it to be a little easier for my kid.
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jan. 4, 2014 at 2:15 AM
Wow,I bet your parents were proud of y'all:) I would take ss just being involved in school activities as a sign that he's "mature" and "deserves" these things. But he doesn't. So that sucks:/.

Quoting MommySabs: I feel the same way regarding my kids. If they want a car, insurance, gas money they need to be putting forth an effort to contribute and to show they can be responsible. The same was expected of me and my sister- we both played sports and did activities with school, were honors students and had jobs from the time we were able to work legally. It can be done.
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chasinrainbows
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 2:28 AM
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Oh I'm not buying him anything new lol. My cars are not even new!

Quoting Steamedpuddle30: Totally understandable. I want my kids to focus on school. I don't really care if they have a job...as long as they are in clubs,sports and other ECAS in high school,I'd be fine footing the bill.



My dh would have given my ss dh's truck,but ss wants a "new car" SMH and Bm is willing to buy it so,ehhhhh,that's on her.



I do feel my dh should contribute if the child is on track and doing what they need(school stuff) to be doing to earn this.




Quoting chasinrainbows: My son will be 15 soon so he will get his Learners Permit. I have custody. EX will not pay for anything outside of child support so that leaves me buying a truck, insurance, registration. I plan to buy his truck if he has good grades. Maybe even gas if he is playing sports at the time. I was so bent on working all through high school because that's the only way I got anything (including clothes) and I really want it to be a little easier for my kid.
CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Jan. 4, 2014 at 8:11 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think kids should have those things handed to them, that appreciate things more when they wOrks for them
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