I am on such " high alert" stress mode, when we have our ss. Actually, I'm not doing this intentionally, my body is like in a fight or flight mode and I know it is not healthy for me to "feel" this way so much. My husband and I always seem to get into one big fight when my ss is with us. I hate it! I want any advice how to stop this pattern.
I've been in my ss life since he was 1. He is now 9. I know....how can I "still" have these feelings?
I do truely love him and yes it is not exactly like my own kids but, I would walk on hot coals for my ss ! I am lucky, my ss loves me very much as well, since I've been a huge part of his life!
I know, a hard thing for to have ever overcome is, I have wanted a child together with my dh but, he did not. I'm trying my hardest to move on, but that yearning is sooo strong and I can now not have a child. I feel like I am grieving over this child I could not have.
It is quite painful. And when we have my ss, it is a reminder of what my dh and I do not have together. Of course, I do not blame my ss for these feelings.
I do however, have resentment towards my dh and anger that I try to keep deep inside me.
I would have at least loved support from my dh, but he can not give me that. I have tried counseling and they did say it is important to get support and understanding from my dh. He needs to know what a woman goes through when she wants a child and can not have that child, whether it is because of health reasons or one spouse does not want this child, the pain is the same.
Finances have made it impossible to continue couseling at this time. I am normally a strong woman but this has all thrown me off balance! I've had feelings, I never had before.
Being my kids are young adults, and no longer living at home, when we have my ss, he feels like an only child. That is something else I struggle with. For me, I wanted more than one, so they could play together, have a connection and companion later in life with eachother when I am gone.
Ss is with adults almost all the time when he is here, except durring school. Not many friends here because the school he goes to is a city away (bms choice). We will however, hope to get him involved in some "kid friendly" activities here. Its hard when its a week on and a week off, as most things like swimming, art classes go for 2 wks straight or more.
Anyway, I am not trying to whine, just explaining a little of my situation. Wondering if anyone else out there is in a similar situation? Thanks for taking the time to read this!