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TTC and being a stepmom

Posted by on Jan. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM
  • 20 Replies

I am a childless SM. My husband and I decided to start TTC in March. I'm worried on how this is going to effect the kids or worse it will cause problems.. They are 14, 12 and 8. Has anyone been through this? How did it effect your Skids? I have a great relationship with them, and I don't want that to change.

by on Jan. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 10:52 AM

I have not been through it but  my children have. They were adults (18 and 20) when their SM had her first of 2 children.  They have a minimal relationship with the SM (cordial but distant), but I think when she became the mother of their sister, it made them feel more affection or  more connected to her. Now, granted they don't live with her or even visit her, but my DD22 does enjoy babysitting for her little sisters now and then. She adores her little sisters, and that affection extends in some way to their mother. 

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Jan. 4, 2014 at 10:53 AM
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Its your life, I wouldn't worry about how it will affect the kids. Kids ajust and once you have a child of your own it won't matter anyways
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:07 AM
DH and I have two children together, my SS was 6 when we had our first, he has always expressed the desire for siblings from I have known him so he has always been positive about our children. They are 6 and 4 years old now, girl and boy.
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AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:14 AM

 I think you are overthinking it.

Maybe the kids won't be thrilled at first.  That's a possibility... but it's also normal for kids to have an adjustment period after new siblings are born, regardless of whether it's a blended or intact family.  New babies bring change but I'm sure, they will be just fine as long as the effort is still put in to ensure that they know they are a special, unique, and important part of the family.

mommyx437
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:19 AM
My kids were 13, 11, and 7. My step kids were 11, 7, 2 when we had our son. Honestly all of us got along before our son was born but it got even better after he was born. The older 5 kids told us that the little guy made us a complete family because he was 1/2 of each of our side of the family. We are very blessed that all the kids do get along and love each other. They are now 16, 14, 13(will be 14 this month), 11, 10.5, 4 and 2.5.

Heck my 16 year old son insists on his baby brother sharing a room with him still. I realized I needed to stop over thinking everything.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:50 AM
My sk's were 7 and 11 when ds was born. They were excited about it. They love their lil brother.
BrandiGra
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 12:11 PM
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I think having our DS gave us all a connection that wasn't there before.

I also know it made me happier and changed how I was with my skids.

I wanted kids and resented skids even being alive. Ttc brought out a lot of feelings that were not pleasant. I was angry and bitter until I finally conceived. I think my happiness was what changed or entire family dynamic. 

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 12:29 PM
We each had kids before when we decided to ttc. kids were 7,6,5,4,3,2. They were so excited about it and love their sis dearly . i was 13 when my sm and bf had my sis. she's my lil heart
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 1:39 PM
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I wouldn't let others dictate when I'm going to have another baby. This is a decision between husband and wife.
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Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 1:41 PM
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I'll say it this way-it could go either way-just reassure the kids you still love them and the new baby doesn't replace anybody.

Dh and I did gt pregnant but miscarried=we didn't tell the kids.

Bm did have a daughter right aftr having SS7-and she had many issues with her oldest-my sd12-behavioral mostly-sd12 didnt want the new sister and resented BM having the child but there's a whole backstory to it. Just realize-it may not all be peachy keen

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