I have joined this forum with hopes that I can get advice and talk to others who may be able to understand where I am coming from because there really isn't anyone in my life that can relate! So here is the cliff notes of my story: I am newly 30 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. He is 38 and his kids are 15 (boy) and 12.5 (girl). I call myself a step-momish because we are not married however we have lived together for 5 years and my boyfriend has his kids full time. There mother is in the picture, however she only sees the kids everyother weekend and I feel like she is a mom when she needs to be or wants to be and that is it. She really has little to no interaction with the kids inbetween visits. So I have pretty much help raise them. I do their laundry, cook for them, help with homework...everything that a mom does I do. I have a great relationship with the girl. We have similar interests in (music, fashion, tv shows, books, arts and crafts, etc.) and we have always been super close since I met her when she was 6. Yes we have our moments, of course but the relationship is good. Before I go any further let me also say that I really try not to be a disciplinary figure....there have been moments where I have gotten upset with them in the past but overall I let their father do the disciplining. I also do not try and preach my religious beliefs on them because I feel like that is something that their mother or father should do, not me. So back to where I was at: My main issue is my relationship with his son (15). It isn't that he super disrespectful to me or anything like that..it is that I feel like neither one of us knows how to act around the other person. It is weird to say, I know because I am the adult. Me and him have never had this super close relationship-- not that I didn't want to, it was that I didn't know how to relate to him because as a young boy when I met him (and now) all he wanted to do was play video games and skateboard...guy things really..and him and his Dad did that stuff together. I could sense how much his daughter needed a mother figure in her life and I just did everything I could with her. Now as his son has gotten older, we really don't talk much or if I ask him something or say something to him I usually get major attitude. I am not going to lie-- I feel completely in over my head. I am only 30 and trying to raise teenagers is so hard. About a year ago, I learned his son had lost his virginity and start smoking and drinking. Now, I know that as a teenage boy in HS he is going to experiment and the fact that he is so open and honest with his dad about it is strange to me but I know his Dad is trying to steer him in another direction but at the end of the day- he is a teenager and he is going to do whatever he wants to do regardless of how long he is grounded, the advice we give, etc. Since learning this I have had an even harder time because all I want to do shake some sense into him and tell him that he is playing with fire. What bothers me the most is that in 4 years he will be graduating HS and moving on to his adult life and for as much as I have been through with these kids and this family I feel like they are my own...So I am starting to feel like if I don't have this relationship with him now, I am never going to have it, but I don't know how to back track when I feel like he just could take me or leave me. It hurts me so much when he will give everyone else a hug in the room goodbye and walk right past me.
I know I have just done a bunch of babbling and hopefully if you are still reading this you are following me right now. I just don't know how to fix this broken relationship and would love to before it is too late!
Thank you for your help!