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what say you?

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 1:57 PM
  • 52 Replies

 so, i am a BM of ds19 and ds15 from exh. SO is BD to ss12, 10, and 5. we have ds 9months together.

sometimes, SO and i have a "date night" but we take our 9 month old because we dont have a sitter. he isnt mobile and doesnt need food ordered or anything, he can eat from my plate. SO and i just like to reconnect with just our mutual kid sometimes as well. taking that many kids to eat is expensive and somewhat stressful.

i dont think it really bothers the skids, its not all the time, and they know my older sons dont go either, but ss10 has said that ds 9 months is "lucky cuz he gets to go everywhere" (not in a sour grapes tone)

does anyone think we are doing something wrong? (i dont.)

 
        
         

by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 1:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
korra2013
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:01 PM
What I do personally, I have activities or dates planned with each child, all together and then dad and me. It did get tiring to even be taking just baby along. Since you don't have a sitter it is easier to take the baby with you. I don't see anything wrong with it.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:03 PM

I know this will probably sound silly, but the idea that you're taking your 9MO so you can "reconnect with just our mutual kid" does sound kind of...bad to me.  Especially if there's no special connect time with each of the other sets of kids.  It sounds like this wee one is being set up to be the golden child. 

Here's where the silly part comes in..had you said, "We take 9MO because sitters are expensive and the other kids don't want to babysit" I don't think I would've blinked. 

But it's obvious that the 10YO at least "notices" this and while he may not have said it with sour grapes, he does sound like he feels left out.

Can any of the kids babysit?  Can you FIND a sitter?  It sees to me that date night should be DATE night.  If you're going to do one on one things with baby, then to be fair, everyone else should get similar else you're likely to find that the other kids start to resent little baby brother....


MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:03 PM
Not at all. Dh and I do that with dd 4.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:04 PM

 we do things w each kid and all the kids together as well, and once in awhile ds19 watches the baby :)

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:05 PM

 but we do spend time w the kids all together and also one on one time with them. and occasionally ds19 babysits.

Quoting Birdseed:

I know this will probably sound silly, but the idea that you're taking your 9MO so you can "reconnect with just our mutual kid" does sound kind of...bad to me.  Especially if there's no special connect time with each of the other sets of kids.  It sounds like this wee one is being set up to be the golden child. 

Here's where the silly part comes in..had you said, "We take 9MO because sitters are expensive and the other kids don't want to babysit" I don't think I would've blinked. 

But it's obvious that the 10YO at least "notices" this and while he may not have said it with sour grapes, he does sound like he feels left out.

Can any of the kids babysit?  Can you FIND a sitter?  It sees to me that date night should be DATE night.  If you're going to do one on one things with baby, then to be fair, everyone else should get similar else you're likely to find that the other kids start to resent little baby brother....

 

 

 
        
         

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:08 PM
2 moms liked this
Dh and I also have yours, mine, and ours going on. And frankly dd, the ours- she sometimes gets the short end of the stick. Sometimes her brothers can't be at her stuff bc it's their time with their ops. Sometimes she has to sacrifice bc her brothers all have ops.

I don't there is anything wrong at all with fairy spending time with their child and doing special things with their shared child. Shouldn't that child have the opportunity to enjoy the fact that they have both of their parents together.

Quoting Birdseed:

I know this will probably sound silly, but the idea that you're taking your 9MO so you can "reconnect with just our mutual kid" does sound kind of...bad to me.  Especially if there's no special connect time with each of the other sets of kids.  It sounds like this wee one is being set up to be the golden child. 

Here's where the silly part comes in..had you said, "We take 9MO because sitters are expensive and the other kids don't want to babysit" I don't think I would've blinked. 

But it's obvious that the 10YO at least "notices" this and while he may not have said it with sour grapes, he does sound like he feels left out.

Can any of the kids babysit?  Can you FIND a sitter?  It sees to me that date night should be DATE night.  If you're going to do one on one things with baby, then to be fair, everyone else should get similar else you're likely to find that the other kids start to resent little baby brother....


cLanief
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:12 PM
I don't see anything wrong with it. My friend has 5 kids (all theirs) and when her and her husband go on date nights so does their exclusively bf'd child. Same diff. Lol
ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:13 PM

 I dont think there is anything wrong with it. If SS is getting his own time with you guys and the other kids as well, nothing to worry about. Besides...things cannot be fair 100% of the time. No matter how hard you try to make sure they are. Life doesnt work that way.

My SS6 told me that I could go on the computer to find a babysitter for my DS (after hes born of course). He said he saw something and you can find them there (i immediately thought of the care.com commercial). So I told him that those people are strangers and i wouldnt want strangers watching the baby. Later on the commercial came on...he said see Chels this is what Im talking about lol.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:15 PM

 I couldnt agree more.

Quoting MommySabs: Dh and I also have yours, mine, and ours going on. And frankly dd, the ours- she sometimes gets the short end of the stick. Sometimes her brothers can't be at her stuff bc it's their time with their ops. Sometimes she has to sacrifice bc her brothers all have ops.

I don't there is anything wrong at all with fairy spending time with their child and doing special things with their shared child. Shouldn't that child have the opportunity to enjoy the fact that they have both of their parents together.

Quoting Birdseed:

I know this will probably sound silly, but the idea that you're taking your 9MO so you can "reconnect with just our mutual kid" does sound kind of...bad to me.  Especially if there's no special connect time with each of the other sets of kids.  It sounds like this wee one is being set up to be the golden child. 

Here's where the silly part comes in..had you said, "We take 9MO because sitters are expensive and the other kids don't want to babysit" I don't think I would've blinked. 

But it's obvious that the 10YO at least "notices" this and while he may not have said it with sour grapes, he does sound like he feels left out.

Can any of the kids babysit?  Can you FIND a sitter?  It sees to me that date night should be DATE night.  If you're going to do one on one things with baby, then to be fair, everyone else should get similar else you're likely to find that the other kids start to resent little baby brother....

 

 

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ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jan. 9, 2014 at 2:17 PM

 Do your "yours" kids...both yours and DH's go to their OP's on the same weekends? So you have the weekend with just your "ours" kid? (if you do it that way...i dont know your visitation arrangements)

Quoting MommySabs: Dh and I also have yours, mine, and ours going on. And frankly dd, the ours- she sometimes gets the short end of the stick. Sometimes her brothers can't be at her stuff bc it's their time with their ops. Sometimes she has to sacrifice bc her brothers all have ops.

I don't there is anything wrong at all with fairy spending time with their child and doing special things with their shared child. Shouldn't that child have the opportunity to enjoy the fact that they have both of their parents together.

Quoting Birdseed:

I know this will probably sound silly, but the idea that you're taking your 9MO so you can "reconnect with just our mutual kid" does sound kind of...bad to me.  Especially if there's no special connect time with each of the other sets of kids.  It sounds like this wee one is being set up to be the golden child. 

Here's where the silly part comes in..had you said, "We take 9MO because sitters are expensive and the other kids don't want to babysit" I don't think I would've blinked. 

But it's obvious that the 10YO at least "notices" this and while he may not have said it with sour grapes, he does sound like he feels left out.

Can any of the kids babysit?  Can you FIND a sitter?  It sees to me that date night should be DATE night.  If you're going to do one on one things with baby, then to be fair, everyone else should get similar else you're likely to find that the other kids start to resent little baby brother....

 

 

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