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Giving away dog for Step child? advice?

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:13 PM
  • 108 Replies

Long story short 2 years ago my husband had an affair which resulted in a baby. We have been through extensive counsling and are working on our marriage daily. 

The child comes over every Wed and everyother weekend. 

My husband and I have 2 other kids (15 and 17) who have gone through a lot with the situation. They don't have a great relationship with their dad, though we are working on it everyday. My daughter for one "cannot stand him." it is understandable, they are hurt (he wasn't there for them during the affair. missed events and her birthday)


Anyway, turns out the stepkid is allergic to dogs. The mom wants us to get rid of the dog. However, we have had this dog for 16 years. He is going to pass soon and I am unwilling to make my child sarafice time with the dog she has had since before she was born (not to mention who would adopt a dog this old). BM is going to court to stop this. My kids have sacraficed soooo much in this situation and I feel this is taking it too far for them. DH and I don't want to give the dog away, but we don't know whatelse to do.

When my stepkid comes over we put the dog in my daughters room and vacuum and clean. Not enough for BM. 


What would you do? 

by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:17 PM
9 moms liked this

I would have your dh take the SK elsewhere for visistation until the dog passes

amomynous_j
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:20 PM
2 moms liked this

i'm not sure what a court would say about a dog, but is the allergy life threatening? 

can the child take benadryl or something like that to ease the allergic reaction? what is the reaction the child has?

lovelydayy
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting amomynous_j:

i'm not sure what a court would say about a dog, but is the allergy life threatening? 

can the child take benadryl or something like that to ease the allergic reaction? what is the reaction the child has?

He has watery eyes, runny nose, sore throat, and a cough.  I thought he could just take some medicine and suck it up. I didn't want to be insensitive though 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:23 PM
3 moms liked this

Having a kid with animal allergies (though they've nearly outgrown the allergy, thankfully, since they both love animals), putting the dog in another room and simply vacuuming is NOT going to help a child with allergies.  The dander is 'everywhere', including on your clothing. 

Would your DH consider seeing his other child outside of your home for a while?  The young child is under 2, right?  He won't likely 'notice' that he's not going where the rest of you are.  I wouldn't put down an elderly dog due to an allergy and, you're right, it's not likely that a 16yo dog would be adopted either.  I'd opt for DH to see his child outside your home.  Does DH have family nearby that he could see his child at their home for a bit? 

Has your DH been to the allergist with BM and the young child to hear for himself what the allergy is?  I ask because, for most dogs, YDS11 isn't allergic anymore just being around them, but when he pets them, that's when he has issues.  If it's a high allergy then just being in the same room with one will trigger the allergy, but if it's a low allergy, perhaps the child taking something like Benadryl or Claritin would suffice? 

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:33 PM
2 moms liked this
I wouldn't give up my elderly dog.... There are other options.

This made me think of our dog who has been living with DH his entire life and is now on his last stretch of life. It would be cruel to send him away at this point.

I would take visitation somewhere else or try prescription allergy meds. Something!
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:34 PM
Let me just say that I am not only allergic to dogs, my baby daughter is allergic to dogs, and I just plain do not like dogs. I don't want them near me. I don't think there are any redeeming qualities to having one. I was thrilled when my daughter's allergy was diagnosed because finally my husband would agree to give away our dog.

With that said, there is no way in your situation that I would be getting rid of that dog. Have any meds been tried with SD? What has her doctor advised? I would recommend DH taking her to an allergist for advise on this situation.

As a last resort, DH can take his visitation outside the home with SD and keep separate clothes there (not contaminated with dander).

Realistically speaking, a 16 year old dog is not going to be scampering around the house. You could allergy proof one room, have the house vents cleaned and Hepa proof that room, and seal it off for the dog. Then, the dog would still have to leave for visits or one person would have to be the designated caretaker and have no contact with SD.

Again, I am clearly not a dog lover, but I could not be as cruel as the BM in your situation. I'm so sorry.
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:49 PM
3 moms liked this
No way
Have him see his SK somewhere else.
Honestly, put aside a dog, I think your H shouldn't bring this child in the house where you and your kids live.
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chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this
My parents had a dog. I am allergic. Developed asthma at the age of 12.

Our dog passed on. When I was 14, they got another dog, At 15 they got a cat and my allergies went haywire.

I spent 6 years hopped up on theophylline and having bronchitis and colds and visiting ERs.

After going off to college? I went off every medication. The cat passed on. At 20, I refused to stay overnight at my folk's anymore: the subsequent trip to the ER and weeks of medication made it not worth the visit. A few months after I told them, my parents gave the dog away.

It really really sucks being on medication all the time. It also sucks being sick after visiting your parent. It would super suck if the dog became the reason the child was sick or wouldn't visit.

I would have dad take visitation elsewhere, not take visitation at all or give up the dog. Because what you are doing is actually knowingly making a child sick otherwise,
steph0420
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Fuck no. Fuck that.
MeAndTommyLee
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 3:02 PM
3 moms liked this
No, I'm sorry for the child's allergy, but this dog is elderly and almost therapeutic to your bio children. Alternative visitation arrangements need to be made. Obviously, this won't go on for a long period of time. Sorry....for saying
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