Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

In Shock!

Posted by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 7:57 AM
  • 52 Replies

My husband and I both have joint custody of our kids and have had them on the same visitation schedule of every other week. I've really like our schedule the way it is as I work from home running my own business and so on the weeks we don't have any kids it gives me a chance to focus on that and also get some time to myself. We have 5 kids between the two of us; his two and my three, plus we are expecting one of our own any day now. Well anyways last night his ex wife informed us that she is moving all the way to Minnesota!! We live in Utah! Here's the kicker, she's not taking the kids and she's leaving on Monday! She is leaving them here with us and only wants to have them in the summer. I am currently a stay at home mom to all the kids when they are here but I really don't know if I can handle this. His kids are good kids but they don't listen to me and my husband works a lot of various hours because he is a tow truck driver and is always on call so I will be the one solely resposible for them. I am not sure I can do this and I am also worried that is will cause resentment in my own kids because they already struggle with not having enough quality time with me. I don't know if this is going to be good for our marriage either. I am in shock!

I guess I should clarify that I am not attacking BM! She cannot financially take care of the kids and her and her husband are always arguing and so it's not a healthy environment for the kids. I am glad she is not trying to take them with her because it is best that they stay here where we can take care of them and they don't need to leave their school, friends or family. She is a good mom and she has always been very involved with the kids thats why its so schocking to me. I never expected this from her but I am understanding to her situation. Also I should I do need to say DH isn't gone for days at a time; he is on call two nights a week and every other weekend so he does work various hours. I shouldn't have said I will be the one solely taking care of them but I will be the one doing the majority of it because my husbands work hours. Thank you everyone for the support, when I originally posted I was very much in shock; I'm getting ready to have a baby any day now and now adding two more on such short notice had me feeling overwhelmed but I know we can do it and we do have a strong support sytem here with our family and friends.

by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 7:57 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sparkles9009
by Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 7:58 AM
How old are they?
BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:04 AM
3 moms liked this
You need to have your husband go down to court and file emergency custody so she can't say or do anything if she gets pissed plus she needs to start paying child support to him.

As for my doing it you can. The children have no choice but to listen to you. You stick to your guns they will be fine. I would talk to them about how they feel w their mom doing this. Maybe get them in counseling.

And you can still do things with your bio children it won't make you look bad or be mean.

Just breath as keep your communication lines open with dh

Best Of luck
Valentina327
by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:04 AM
Can she actually do that? Doesn't she have to keep up her end by court order?
leeann0243
by Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:05 AM

SD is 10 and SS is 8 and my kids are DD 12, DS 8 and DD is 4, then we also have one due any day now

leeann0243
by Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:07 AM

In their divorce decree it states that if one of them move out of certain counties then the children will stay with the parent who didn't move. I doubt we will get any child support from her; neither her nor her husband have work lined up there, they are moving there to try to find work.

BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:13 AM


Quoting leeann0243:

In their divorce decree it states that if one of them move out of certain counties then the children will stay with the parent who didn't move. I doubt we will get any child support from her; neither her nor her husband have work lined up there, they are moving there to try to find work.

BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:13 AM
We'll try to think positive.
They are older so you can talk and try to reason w them.


Quoting leeann0243:

In their divorce decree it states that if one of them move out of certain counties then the children will stay with the parent who didn't move. I doubt we will get any child support from her; neither her nor her husband have work lined up there, they are moving there to try to find work.

dawncs
by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:29 AM

You need to get into court soon for a modification for his child custody agreement and child support to reflect her move. You need to address the travel expenses in it otherwise it could fall on you. In some states, the parent who moves away gets stuck with paying travel expenses. Even with it being spelled out what happens when one parent moves past a certain distance, the court order needs to be adjusted.

amomynous_j
by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:34 AM

rolling on floorif only it were that simple! haha

OP, it's going to be really difficult. their mom is essentially abandoning them and that will take an emotional toll on the kids. get them into therapy, stat. how old are they? 

i agree that your husband needs to get to court, or at the very least have a lawyer draw up an agreement that both he and her agree on to file with the court. 

another thing for husband and bm to decide on her communication with the kids -- since (i hope) she'll want to talk with them! decide when she can call, or how to contact -- skype?phonecall? etc. we personally don't do phonecalls right before bed because it starts a roller coaster of emotions and it's darn near impossible to get kids to bed after a phonecall to their other parent. 

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86: You need to have your husband go down to court and file emergency custody so she can't say or do anything if she gets pissed plus she needs to start paying child support to him.

As for my doing it you can. The children have no choice but to listen to you. You stick to your guns they will be fine. I would talk to them about how they feel w their mom doing this. Maybe get them in counseling.

And you can still do things with your bio children it won't make you look bad or be mean.

Just breath as keep your communication lines open with dh

Best Of luck


whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:50 AM

Put his kids in daycare.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)