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offer bm spring break?

Posted by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:04 PM
  • 49 Replies
The skinny:

1. SD is heavily involved with softball. Every weekend from March through June will include a Saturday - Sunday tournament or at least a Saturday game.

2. BM is required by co to let DH bring her to all softball activities, even if they fall on her weekend.

3. BM has attended about ten minutes of one game ever for SD. SD is very hurt by this.

4. Spring break is DH's this year.

5. Since so much of BM's time will be lost with SD gone for softball, DH is thinking about offering BM spring break. But he wants to put in the condition that BM must attend all of the games in at least one tournament before spring break for him to give it to her.

Does this "look bad?" Does it seem like a good idea? I think there is a 75 percent chance that BM would do it. Her mother would probably pressure her to. On the one hand, I think it's a great idea and on the other I'm not so sure - something about it seems off.

What do you think?

by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
FloridaMomma
by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:09 PM
4 moms liked this
I think he should give her spring break without conditions attached.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:14 PM
5 moms liked this
If he wants to give her spring break that's fine and nice. But don't add strings to it. The relationship with BM and sd is between them. Sd needs to communicate with her mom and let her know what is hurting her.

Dad can't force mom to be the kind of parent he wants her to be. My ex has nEVER attended any event for my dd since we have been divorced. And she's never been allowed to attend any activities during his time. So when I read 10 times I thought damn that's pretty good compared to what my child has received. I guess it just depends on perspective.
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sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:17 PM
It wasn't ten times. It was ten minutes. And she was pretty much bribed into that. But it meant a lot to SD.

Quoting momof2ex1: If he wants to give her spring break that's fine and nice. But don't add strings to it. The relationship with BM and sd is between them. Sd needs to communicate with her mom and let her know what is hurting her.



Dad can't force mom to be the kind of parent he wants her to be. My ex has nEVER attended any event for my dd since we have been divorced. And she's never been allowed to attend any activities during his time. So when I read 10 times I thought damn that's pretty good compared to what my child has received. I guess it just depends on perspective.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:21 PM
3 moms liked this

Why is DH putting such an unreasonable condition on the offer? Mom is not interested in going to the games. Why is he insisting that she go?

not all parents are into that. The kids play for themselves - they are not putting on a performance for their parents. It is not necessary that all parents attend, or even that ANY parents attend. I think your DH is being too controlling. It's enough that she loses her parenting time due to these softball games.

So yes, it "looks bad" for your DH to put this condition on his offer for make-up time.

cLanief
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:23 PM
That's kind of messed up. Some people just aren't in to sitting and watching boring sports even if their children are involved.
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:28 PM
I alsi believe he should offer with out conditions . you can force someone to be a parent their not.
PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:37 PM
2 moms liked this
Offering her spring break is an excellent idea!!!

Placing conditions on the offer is a jerk move.

liz1432
by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 3:14 PM

 2. BM is required by co to let DH bring her to all softball activities, even if they fall on her weekend.

really by court order? why? who has custody? what does SD want to do spring break? I understand where he is coming from, but BM obviously does not want to go to the games. I would just leave it the way it is already. BM does not realize it now, but she is totally missing out. I love going to my sons travel Baseball games....would not miss it for the world.

liz1432
by on Jan. 12, 2014 at 3:18 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting cLanief: That's kind of messed up. Some people just aren't in to sitting and watching boring sports even if their children are involved.

 you are missing the whole point. Its for the children, not us...even if you are not interested.

Taylor5kids
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 3:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with momof2ex1.

I played competitive softball year round, and I hardly ever saw my BM since she always had to stay home or handle the life of my other siblings. I couldn't imagine what it would've been like if my parents had been divorced or had to split time with me.

Have you ever thought that maybe BM may feel a little resentment towards the actual sport?

Not that it's really your responsibility to ever care about what BMs true feelings are or whatever, but offering the extra time with BM possibly could do wonders for her and your SD, assuming that she chooses to spend the time wisely.


Quoting momof2ex1: If he wants to give her spring break that's fine and nice. But don't add strings to it. The relationship with BM and sd is between them. Sd needs to communicate with her mom and let her know what is hurting her.



Dad can't force mom to be the kind of parent he wants her to be. My ex has nEVER attended any event for my dd since we have been divorced. And she's never been allowed to attend any activities during his time. So when I read 10 times I thought damn that's pretty good compared to what my child has received. I guess it just depends on perspective.
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