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No time to be a father

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:07 AM
  • 132 Replies
3 moms liked this

Seriously.....what is with so many posts reporting that these dads have jobs that seriously hinder their ability to be a present and good dad?

I know that times are tough and that jobs are scarce but, so many posts are coming from SM's who say that he is barely home due to his job.

Everyones jobs take time away from being with your children to a certain degree. But, so much time that it is SM left with his kids while they are visiting?

Is this really OK? It seems very disproportionate compared to what kind of jobs women will accept because they know that SOMEONE has to feed, bath, homework and all the other incidentals for the kids.

I am of the staunch opinion that if dad has taken a job that severely hinders his ability to do even the most basic of parenting duties, and he is relying on SM to take his visitation for him for over 80% of the time allotted, custody should be modified and the child should remain with the parent who can actually be there for the kid.

by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
briellesmomma
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:09 AM
I agree
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:29 AM
1 mom liked this

I disagree if the father has every other weekend visitation, that is the bare minimum, I could support reducing the long summer visitation to the same EOWE schedule, but time with Dad in Dad's home is important even if Dad works a lot, he is home sometimes, I wouldn't reduce time to less than EOWE.

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:31 AM

I agree completely.

It's especially annoying to hear a SM *complain* that she has to take care of the kids, then come to find out Dad 'works long hours'.....  why would a SM go along with that? 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:35 AM
3 moms liked this

Well thats a bunch of shit. If dad has been given 4 days a month to spend with his child/children then shame on him for not even being able to dedicate 4 days out of 30 with your kids. Perhaps, if he cant even manage that, he shouldnt even have the 4 days either. You even said it...."time with DAD in dads home is important". And it is. Time with dad, not dad's wife. Because at 4 days a month visitation, it's pretty much just a dad's wife scenario.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I disagree if the father has every other weekend visitation, that is the bare minimum, I could support reducing the long summer visitation to the same EOWE schedule, but time with Dad in Dad's home is important even if Dad works a lot, he is home sometimes, I wouldn't reduce time to less that EOWE.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Lol, bunch a crap back at you.

Do most jobs have persons working both Saturdays and Sundays? Men have always been working, the EOWE schedule is due to that, I know many adults kids who would taken that one day with Dad than scrapping visits all together.

Quoting baparrot2:

Well thats a bunch of shit. If dad has been given 4 days a month to spend with his child/children then shame on him for not even being able to dedicate 4 days out of 30 with your kids. Perhaps, if he cant even manage that, he shouldnt even have the 4 days either. You even said it...."time with DAD in dads home is important". And it is. Time with dad, not dad's wife. Because at 4 days a month visitation, it's pretty much just a dad's wife scenario.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I disagree if the father has every other weekend visitation, that is the bare minimum, I could support reducing the long summer visitation to the same EOWE schedule, but time with Dad in Dad's home is important even if Dad works a lot, he is home sometimes, I wouldn't reduce time to less that EOWE.



Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

andersongirl562
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:45 AM
3 moms liked this

 This is why I worked around my exdh's schedule. We didnt do EOW. We did whenever he was off he could have the kids and then also if they wanted to stay a weekend when he was working to hang out with their Step and half siblings then I let them do that as well. They are now 16 and 14 and just float between our two homes as they please.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:45 AM
1 mom liked this

OK....let's see you send your two babies to some woman you don't know for two weekends every month. You wouldnt have it. Dont try to act like you would.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Lol, bunch a crap back at you.

Do most jobs have persons working both Saturdays and Sundays? Men have always been working, the EOWE schedule is due to that, I know many adults kids who would taken that one day with Dad than scrapping visits all together.

Quoting baparrot2:

Well thats a bunch of shit. If dad has been given 4 days a month to spend with his child/children then shame on him for not even being able to dedicate 4 days out of 30 with your kids. Perhaps, if he cant even manage that, he shouldnt even have the 4 days either. You even said it...."time with DAD in dads home is important". And it is. Time with dad, not dad's wife. Because at 4 days a month visitation, it's pretty much just a dad's wife scenario.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I disagree if the father has every other weekend visitation, that is the bare minimum, I could support reducing the long summer visitation to the same EOWE schedule, but time with Dad in Dad's home is important even if Dad works a lot, he is home sometimes, I wouldn't reduce time to less that EOWE.




HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:49 AM
I agree with cutting time down if dad isn't going to be there, but it works both ways. If dad is working days during the weekends and BM is taking that time, then make it up during the week. BF needs to truck his ever-so-busy butt down during the week to see his kids during weeknights when he is home and BM has to promote this.

Right now times are rough and people do have to work the hours they have to work. Flexibility may be what is necessary.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't and I don't have to act like I would since I married a man who believes the mother/child bond is scared. For those mothers who had children with men who would do the replacement mom business with SM, I doubt they have found much success in getting the court to take away Dad's visits all together.

Quoting baparrot2:

OK....let's see you send your two babies to some woman you don't know for two weekends every month. You wouldnt have it. Dont try to act like you would.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Lol, bunch a crap back at you.

Do most jobs have persons working both Saturdays and Sundays? Men have always been working, the EOWE schedule is due to that, I know many adults kids who would taken that one day with Dad than scrapping visits all together.

Quoting baparrot2:

Well thats a bunch of shit. If dad has been given 4 days a month to spend with his child/children then shame on him for not even being able to dedicate 4 days out of 30 with your kids. Perhaps, if he cant even manage that, he shouldnt even have the 4 days either. You even said it...."time with DAD in dads home is important". And it is. Time with dad, not dad's wife. Because at 4 days a month visitation, it's pretty much just a dad's wife scenario.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I disagree if the father has every other weekend visitation, that is the bare minimum, I could support reducing the long summer visitation to the same EOWE schedule, but time with Dad in Dad's home is important even if Dad works a lot, he is home sometimes, I wouldn't reduce time to less that EOWE.





Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

tinybluemoon
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:00 AM
1 mom liked this

It's not always so straight foward. My DH is an ER physician, he always gets Saturdays off but he is on call the rest of the 6 days. They usually don't call him in on Sundays but it does happen on a semi regular basis as we live outside a major city and major cities mean major populations and more major accidents (you get the point)and it can't be predicted when these are going to take place. Granted these usually take place at night but what is he supposed to say? 'no, sorry that person can bleed to death because I have my kids even though my wife is available to watch them'? Not bloody likely.

However, I do agree that if the husband knows he isn't available to look after the kids before hand than yes, custody should be revisted.

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