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Tomorrow is the big day...

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:36 PM
  • 23 Replies

Tomorrow evening, DH leaves for Pakistan for a year. We've spent a lot of time with his kids and his family over the last few months and they all seem to be handling it well. I was doing fine with it until the last few days. Now not so much.

Knowing that tonight is the last time we'll spend the night under the same roof for months? Hate.I know WHY we're doing it ($$).  I know that DH wants to be able to pay for college and cars and other things for the kids and this is the best way to make up for some lost time when he was unemployed...

But for discussion...try this one on for size.

My DH (supposedly) gets two R&R trips, two weeks apiece.  The gov't will either A) fly him home or B) fly all of us to London to meet and then the rest is on us.  I say "supposedly" because depending on how things are going, he may or may not be able to take his R&R trips.

Anyway..

Here's the evil SM in me.  The kids have their mom.  Their grandparents. Their aunt, uncle and cousins.  All right there just like they have their whole lives.  I on the other hand, am in a state far far away from family and friends and starting tomorrow, my husband whom is kind of my "main" person. 

For the first R&R, we're planning to take the kids down to their grandparents' winter place in FL for spring break for the week. Whether or not DH can make it, and we won't know til a week or so before, I am supposed to drive 10 hours to get the kids, then 20 some hours to FL, then back to MI to drop them off 20 hours and then 10 hours back to where I now live.  I am not sure that I want to do all that if I am not going to see DH but I know it means a lot to him and to the kids so it will happen either way. At minimum, they'll get the nice spring vacay that they're used to.

But if he DOES get to go, he mentioned trying to book a one week cruise after the kids are back in school as they only get one week off for SB.  DH mentioned this to his mom and sister over the holidays and they felt like we are shorting the kids.  That he should put off his R&R until they're out of school so they can have the full two weeks with their dad. We're already planning the late summer R&R in Europe so they can take the full two weeks then.

So am I an a-hole for really looking forward to the idea of having a little alone time with DH in April if he gets to come home?

They (his family) seem to think that we should only plan the R&R for times when the kids are available for the full two weeks which means two trips in summer.  If we do that, he won't see them til June.  Then with an early Aug trip, they wouldn't see him again til late Jan of 2015.  The spring break attempt seems better than waiting til June.  And I'd like some alone time built in.



by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:42 PM
2 moms liked this

Why can't the kids fly there from MI? I personally would not do all that driving. 

I would not pay any attention to what his mom and sister say about the cruise.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:50 PM

I checked flights and it's outrageous during spring break.  We just can't afford the tickets right now. 

djohn13
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:55 PM
Here is my two cents...its your marriage. The decision of R&R time is between you and your husband. You all know what's best for your marriage. Its ok to CONSIDER. others opinion but the decision the last and final word is between you and DH. The only person you should really be considering is the BM just making sure schedules match and all that good stuff. Keep others out your marriage.
Cause what will happen is say you take all 2 weeks for the kids not because you and your husband thought it was a good idea but because you listened to others. You will be miserbale and resentful and it will be seen through your attitude and mood. And resentment is NOT good in a marriage.
I'm not say neglect you kids or neglect your marriage but make the best decision for your marriage and kids. Based on you and your husbands opinions
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:57 PM

Then why are  you going to florida? why not meet at a place that is cheaper to fly to? No way would I do that driving.

Quoting Birdseed:

I checked flights and it's outrageous during spring break.  We just can't afford the tickets right now. 


korra2013
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:00 PM
It's your marriage. You guys will need time for yourselves. Make the time
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:01 PM

Grandparents, SIL, BIL, neices will all be there at the family "winter home".  So it's a good time for the kids to see the rest of the family too and no expense to stay.

I'm not super hip to the driving.  But ultimately, it is what it is.  I'd rather go elsewhere but given that DH being able to join is up in the air, it made more sense to plan for a sure thing for them.



garfieldplanner
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:04 PM

No, you are not being "evil" or "selfish". I have been through several deployments and each time when DH was able to come home the kids were all in school only one of those times was he able to come home on Spring Break. The first couple of days they would stay home but after that it was business as normal, meaning they went back to school and we acted like it was any other day. Also if it is anything like ours you cannot really plan when he will be home. I would also keep an eye out for flights closer to the time instead of doing all of that driving.

 

FloridaMomma
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:09 PM
I was thinking the same darn thing. You're not a flipping chaffeur.

Quoting whatIknownow:

Why can't the kids fly there from MI? I personally would not do all that driving. 

I would not pay any attention to what his mom and sister say about the cruise.

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FloridaMomma
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:17 PM
5 moms liked this

Once again, you are the only one willing to sacrifice. It's ridiculous. BM needs to get her own DDs to Florida if everyone else us going to be there anyway. And you can buy 1 ticket for yourself to FL.

And anyway, are you making this up? DH and his family treat you like the little slave girl. And it's sad that you don't love yourself enough to stand up for yourself. I'm waiting for your post 10 years from now when DH has left you for a younger model and you're sad because it's too late for you to have any kids of your own.

Sorry to be brutal, but they treat you like a doormat because you let them.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:26 PM
4 moms liked this

so let them figure out how to get the kids there. It's not a drivable distance. It's not even like you live in MI and will be driving yourself down anyway. You are closer to FL now than you are to MI.  Fly yourself there, and let them figure out how to get the kids there, since it's THEIR family home, their family thing. If it weren't for this "family thing" he would be flying to where you are, and staying at YOUR home (which is also free). It's because of their family that they all want to go to Florida. Just say you cant do it. The WILL find a workaround.

Try it. I dare you. I dare you to see what happens.

Quoting Birdseed:

Grandparents, SIL, BIL, neices will all be there at the family "winter home".  So it's a good time for the kids to see the rest of the family too and no expense to stay.

I'm not super hip to the driving.  But ultimately, it is what it is.  I'd rather go elsewhere but given that DH being able to join is up in the air, it made more sense to plan for a sure thing for them.




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