(New to cafe mom) stepmom at the end of my rope...help please
First I'll give you the Bach story. My husband and I starting dating in 2006. I was aware that he had been previously married and had a daughter, but the ex had disappeared with the child in 2002, he had no contact. Dec. 2007 we had our first son, July 2008 we got married, nov. 2008 we had our second son. In 2009 we received a phone call telling us where the ex was with the child, which we found was two hours away. I retained an attorney for visitation every other weekend. Every other weekend turned out to be hell. As soon as we got her there were issues (we knew there would be some things to deal with) she was lying about everything, trying to get my husband and I to fight, so many problems with boys (let's just say she knew ALOT more than a 9 year old should), wouldn't talk with me in the room at all. In 2012 she accused her 8th an current stepfather of messing with her. Hue state took her and her mothers other two children away for two days while investigating. Her mother and step father immediately packed her a large box of stuff and dropped her off at our home. The ex told us she couldn't handle the child anymore and signed over custody in our driveway. The ex was coming to get the child every other weekend until January of 2013, when the child told her mother she was uncomfortable being around the step dad by her self. The ex stopped calling and stopped coming for her visitations. The ex called once in October 2013, twice in November, and twice in December, the ex asked for the child for Christmas 2013, she went to the grandmothers home (since she was not allowed at her mothers house) for a day and a half. Two weeks ago January 2014 the ex told the child not to call her anymore and the child was no longer welcome there.
In the middle of all this drama; the child is 13, will be 14 in two weeks, the issues between the child and our household is getting worse. lying about anything and everything, hiding bad grades, having conversations about sex an how to dos of sex with children at school, sneeking around with boys, offering sexual favors to boys for money, trying to play her father and I against each other, we have had to place her on probation with the juvenile probation office, we have her seeing a therapist, I have her grades emailed to me everyday. I don't know what to do with this child anymore. I'm tired, my husbands tired. We burned out. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!