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Double standards?

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:13 PM
  • 37 Replies

Need your opinion on the following-I feel dh is having double standards when it comes to his bios and he insist everything is different when I call him on it.

 When my grandson 4 comes over he goes on  the Ipad  and wants to use the  volume (low) it is not ok while watching tv  so we get out the earphones but, It is ok for a kid to play foosball or  pool while watching tv-or playing stuff on phone periodically. Now is this the same thing or different?

Next scenario- We live in the country and Ive let my son take the vehicle up the road (few miles) to his dad when he was 15 1/2.  dh thinks thought this is wrong and says sd will not be going on the road until she gets her license- well he let her drive in the school parking lot a few months ago-he said it wasn't the same because it was a parking lot.  now isn't this the same thing? driving without a license???

dh is always trying to limit grandson's time on ipad when he is visiting because it's not good for him.  But on the same hand he is not limiting his own daughters time on it-which they have their face in theirs pretter much the whole time when they are here. Same or different??






by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Well the grandson is only 4 that's a huge difference right there
SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:21 PM
I have to say the no license is no license they should both be licensed drivers, but than again a few blocks is different than a parking lot too.
Is she "practicing" in a parking lot? Was her dad in the car?
Is it like a busy mall when she drove about?
A lot of cars? Or in just a section of the lot that is empty?

Is your grandson much younger?
How old are his girls?
He may think the grandkid is too young to be starting those habits.
Pool and foosball is different than and ipad too
Its physical and you cant put earphones while playing those games.
But if he doesnt want the grandkid on an electronic, his kids should get the same medicine too.
pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Driving in a parking lot is different than driving up the road to wherever without a license. 

Another difference, your grandson is your grandson and his SD is his daughter.  Two totally different people.  You two apparently parent kids differently and this should not be any surprise because I am sure he was like this with your DS.

stemp387
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:38 PM

it was a empty parking lot and she was 13-and yes her dad was in the car.

grandson is 4- and my point was that noise is noise-but it just seems it's fine and dandy when his bios are making it.

and I totally get the being on the ipad thing but, grandson is visitng grandmas  and  10 to 15 min i don't feel is a big deal, I guess I just feel grandmas house is a fun place-void of daily rules (within reason)  He really isn't here for more then  2-3hrs tops (we joke Im the 3 hr grandma lol) sd's are 14 & 11.


Quoting SnapIt: I have to say the no license is no license they should both be licensed drivers, but than again a few blocks is different than a parking lot too.
Is she "practicing" in a parking lot? Was her dad in the car?
Is it like a busy mall when she drove about?
A lot of cars? Or in just a section of the lot that is empty?

Is your grandson much younger?
How old are his girls?
He may think the grandkid is too young to be starting those habits.
Pool and foosball is different than and ipad too
Its physical and you cant put earphones while playing those games.
But if he doesnt want the grandkid on an electronic, his kids should get the same medicine too.


KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:39 PM
If he let her drive in the parking lot, does that mean he was with her? That's a difference in being with her while in a parking lot vs letting your son drive for real alone.

I do think there's a difference in playing pool while someone is watching tv and being on a phone. You can use headphones to silence the ipad/phone, but pool/foosball is completely different.

And I guess I also think there's a difference in a 4 year old and an older child spending time on electronics, but I don't limit my 4 year old as much so I'd be more on your side for this scenario.
_Meg_
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:39 PM

For the first scenario, I think that's a double standard. I agree with you. 

For the second...were either you or DH in the vehicles with the teens while they were driving? Letting a teen practice driving (with a parent) in a parking lot is not at all the same as letting a teen without a license drive (without a parent) on a road amongst other cars. And technically, both are illegal in THIS state (CA) unless the teen has a legal permit to drive. Still, if you're not worried about that part of it, and only thinking of fairness, then again I'm wondering if you or your DH were in the vehicle with either teen that was driving? 

stemp387
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:41 PM

yes we do parent very different, and yes he was basically the same with ds16 when he was 11 -12, and now that the girls are basically doing the same stuff, sassing the same way, electronics, etc -it's really not that big of a deal to dh anymore, which drives me absolutely crazy.  

Quoting pepper504:

Driving in a parking lot is different than driving up the road to wherever without a license. 

Another difference, your grandson is your grandson and his SD is his daughter.  Two totally different people.  You two apparently parent kids differently and this should not be any surprise because I am sure he was like this with your DS.


stemp387
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:44 PM

dh was with his daughter driving.  I was not with ds-he basically grew up on a farm  and around here kids start driving around 10 (w/supervision).  I know it is illegal and whatever but my point was they were both breaking the law whether in the parking lot or on the back road.

Quoting _Meg_:

For the first scenario, I think that's a double standard. I agree with you. 

For the second...were either you or DH in the vehicles with the teens while they were driving? Letting a teen practice driving (with a parent) in a parking lot is not at all the same as letting a teen without a license drive (without a parent) on a road amongst other cars. And technically, both are illegal in THIS state (CA) unless the teen has a legal permit to drive. Still, if you're not worried about that part of it, and only thinking of fairness, then again I'm wondering if you or your DH were in the vehicle with either teen that was driving? 


jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Ok, here's an idea.  I HATE the noise from the kids phones (my own kids) when they watch a video or something, so I'm guessing it's similar to the ipad (my kids are deprived, we don't have iPads here, but plenty of other electronics - I'm just not a big apple fan overall).  There is a different 'pitch' to the things they listen to on their tablets, games, phones and making noise 'in real life'.  I hate it on their electronics but I can ignore plenty in real life.  Maybe DH has the same issue and doesn't realize it?  OR maybe it's the difference in what your GS is watching vs. what his kids are?  (cartoonish voices are like nails on a chalkboard to me on those things, not in movies, but on the portable gaming things, they are). 

As for the driving, both are wrong, however, his DD was 13 and in a private parking lot.  Your DS was 15.5 and on a public road.  I think you were more wrong.  That said, I do NOT live in the country, I'm in the height of suburbia.  ;)  I have family who live in the country (middle of no where Montana, beautiful area!).  Their kids have 'driven' for years before they were legally able to.  Why?  Because, literally, their 'traffic' is wildlife, not usually other people!  They do NOT drive on the main highway to get to the bigger cities but they do/have driven on the dirt roads (still public land) in their area.  It's just different.  Another family member has property way out in the country.  They've let their 14 yo DD drive on their own land, all on her own in the truck.  It can handle the terrain (the truck) but they're out watching her drive, and she's learning on private property.  She's not been driving on a paved road yet (no permit yet) but their own land?  Sure, why not.  Difference is WHERE the driving is taking place.

Perhaps DH will feel differently when his DD is 15.5 intead of 13? 

In the end, what you've described could be said to be the 'same', or 'different', depending on the angle of your argument.  :)  But, the bigger question is, which is a hill to die on?  :) 

stemp387
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:57 PM

I agree-and none these are a big deal to me until he says something.  I just feel  it's always something and then with his girls basically do the same thing its ok-no, I mean "that's different" lol-Im just feeling very frusterated and need advice how to communicate this to dh so he can see my perspective.  My past attempts to communicate stink-when he get's into thats different mode, I basically shut it and do something else.

Quoting jules2boys:

Ok, here's an idea.  I HATE the noise from the kids phones (my own kids) when they watch a video or something, so I'm guessing it's similar to the ipad (my kids are deprived, we don't have iPads here, but plenty of other electronics - I'm just not a big apple fan overall).  There is a different 'pitch' to the things they listen to on their tablets, games, phones and making noise 'in real life'.  I hate it on their electronics but I can ignore plenty in real life.  Maybe DH has the same issue and doesn't realize it?  OR maybe it's the difference in what your GS is watching vs. what his kids are?  (cartoonish voices are like nails on a chalkboard to me on those things, not in movies, but on the portable gaming things, they are). 

As for the driving, both are wrong, however, his DD was 13 and in a private parking lot.  Your DS was 15.5 and on a public road.  I think you were more wrong.  That said, I do NOT live in the country, I'm in the height of suburbia.  ;)  I have family who live in the country (middle of no where Montana, beautiful area!).  Their kids have 'driven' for years before they were legally able to.  Why?  Because, literally, their 'traffic' is wildlife, not usually other people!  They do NOT drive on the main highway to get to the bigger cities but they do/have driven on the dirt roads (still public land) in their area.  It's just different.  Another family member has property way out in the country.  They've let their 14 yo DD drive on their own land, all on her own in the truck.  It can handle the terrain (the truck) but they're out watching her drive, and she's learning on private property.  She's not been driving on a paved road yet (no permit yet) but their own land?  Sure, why not.  Difference is WHERE the driving is taking place.

Perhaps DH will feel differently when his DD is 15.5 intead of 13? 

In the end, what you've described could be said to be the 'same', or 'different', depending on the angle of your argument.  :)  But, the bigger question is, which is a hill to die on?  :) 


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