Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

So what if BM has the busy job?

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 5:46 PM
  • 63 Replies

I am cranky today.  Broke my pinky toe last night, my new glasses while very cool looking are making things blurry and DH snored like a fucking freight train last night so I slept on the couch.  Maybe I am just not understanding things.

BM was a SAHM at the time of divorce.  From what I have gathered, regardless of the divorce, she was planning on returning to the workforce and it just had not happened yet.  She was granted majority residential but DH quickly ended up with practically 50/50.  Even though she worked part-time and he worked full-time.  I guess kudos to them for seeing the value in equal overnights with both parents.   I think each of them worked hard to be home close to 3:00 on the days they had the kids.

Fast forward to today,  even though DH moved 3 hours away, he negotiated telecommuting times to allow him about 35 - 40% time with his kids.  Now all DH hears is how busy BM is because she had to go back to work full-time and that she consistently works 80 hour weeks.  Yes, he assumes this is hyperbole, but let's take it at face value and assume she does work 80 hour weeks.

Should DH file for a change in custody?  He can easily only work 40 hours in the office and has tons of flexibility to work from home and flex his time.  If the boys were living primarily with DH, he would see them more than BM sees them currently.

Is part of this debate about a father working so much just leftover sexisit ideas of gender roles?  


by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 5:46 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:00 PM

I'm not sure how much of a hypothetical this is.

But changing custody is always a huge risk and usually does not go well.

How old are these kids?

and sorry about your toe. Ouch.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:02 PM
Sure why not? Is she leaving them with stepdad while she works and while dad is home and available to care for them? I can't remember their ages.

That totally sucks about your toe and your glasses. :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:02 PM
Oh and my husband snores too. I'm not sure I'm getting enough sleep right now either. It's probably why I'm cranky as well.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
stemp387
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:04 PM

80 hours a week? Right lol. Anyway are you up for full time? Looks like there is a lot of running around right now. Bm will prob welcome the idea of him getting full custody. 

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:04 PM

Would they have to change schools and everything to change custody? If not go for it, if the change would be huge, then I imagine there should be more talk about it..

malinda74
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:05 PM
I don't know.... Im assuming she doesn't really work 80 hours a week, but just enjoys complaining?
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:13 PM
I get where the dad working post came from but this was also my thought on it as we'll. bm recently took a job working evenings and weekends so dss is spending his time at bms house primarily with her boyf. My dh has a job where he most often is home between 330 and 530 and rarely works weekends. Should he run to Court and reduce her time bc she got a job that's not ideal for time with dss based solely on that factor?
I think if I made a post to that affect I would be skewered and honestly I I read a post to that affect I would say the dh was frankly being a dick. So yes in 'short' I agree its left over sexist bs.
progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:16 PM
If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gandar (or in this case, vice versa).

If BM truly is working 80 hour weeks, then I do think the kids should stay with their father who is more available.

Now, I don't know if I would recommend going to court to change custody based on this one fact - but I do think the kids should be with be with the parent who is more available.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:20 PM

IT SUCKS!!!!  I had just downloaded an app at the recomendation of SS15 called Zombies Run.  It is an app that uses music from your itunes account and sends on zombie missions using GPS to go get supplies for Zombie killing.  And all because we watched the first four episodes of The Walking Dead.

Now I can only shuffle like a fucking zombie!!!!!

It is only hypothetical because DH would not file for a change.  The kids are old enough (teens) and get themselves around by bus.  Teens don't want to be with mom and dad anyway.


Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm not sure how much of a hypothetical this is.

But changing custody is always a huge risk and usually does not go well.

How old are these kids?

and sorry about your toe. Ouch.


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:21 PM

Winner winner chicken dinner.

That is the hypothetical part.  He doesn't believe for a second she is so busy.  It is just her mantra when they need to talk or deal with anything.

Quoting malinda74: I don't know.... Im assuming she doesn't really work 80 hours a week, but just enjoys complaining?


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)