Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Extreme low self esteem

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 10:50 PM
  • 23 Replies
My 12 yr old SD has shown some unusually extreme low self esteem in the last year. She is CONSTANTLY having negative self talk saying she is ugly and not smart and basically thinking that she is worthless. She is failing at school in almost every class, she is always comparing herself to her peers and she thinks she has no talent or skills. Instead of working harder to try to get better grades (which she claims she wants), she just gives after putting forth minimal effort. She only seems happy when she is with her friends or at home relaxing when there is nothing expected of her. The minute she is given a task or confronted about something, she gets irritable and negative. Also, when she's upset at herself she takes it out on her brother and sister, calling them mean names and being just plain cruel. Today BM caught her copying her friends homework and now she is here and my DH is trying to help her with homework and she's just moping around. I don't know what to do to help her, we tried tutoring last year and it did help a little but did not work miracles or anything. The only reason it helped is because she was forced to do homework 3 times a week and had help with every problem. Any experience with this type of thing? Advice?
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 10:50 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:00 PM
2 moms liked this
Force her to do homework each day keep in contact with teachers. take away all she considers fun until she gets her act together. Being grounded definitely sucks as a teen.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:38 PM

Counseling for the low self esteem and maybe some type of incentive for homework? (Turn in your homework every day for a week earn X, everyday for a month earn something bigger/better).

rwcw89
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:41 PM
Sounds like her hormones may be out of whack, make her keep up with the homework and you can try getting her to a counselor , it's a tough age though , between now and 16 is when girls start to pull away from the happy chipper selves and try to find their own person (from my experience between me and my friends at that age)
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:42 PM
Yes I have lots of experience with this. Unfortunately. My dd is going through the same thing. Although she has stopped complaining about her looks - she struggle with acne and she is finally to a point where it's clearing up. So that's helping. However she still has low self esteem and low self worth. She is in therapy. I highly suggest it. She has someone she can talk to. Someone who adores her and believes in her other than mom or dad. Although yes a paid friend lol but that doesn't really matter to her.

It's a work in progress and getting her to put herself out there to meet new friends is a struggle but she's getting there.

Homework. We are struggling lol everything is a struggle right now. Tutoring. All her teachers have her coming in after school to get extra help. It's only Monday but we are having a good week (cross fingers)

Just some thoughts.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 12:56 AM


Quoting momof2ex1: Yes I have lots of experience with this. Unfortunately. My dd is going through the same thing. Although she has stopped complaining about her looks - she struggle with acne and she is finally to a point where it's clearing up. So that's helping. However she still has low self esteem and low self worth. She is in therapy. I highly suggest it. She has someone she can talk to. Someone who adores her and believes in her other than mom or dad. Although yes a paid friend lol but that doesn't really matter to her.

It's a work in progress and getting her to put herself out there to meet new friends is a struggle but she's getting there.

Homework. We are struggling lol everything is a struggle right now. Tutoring. All her teachers have her coming in after school to get extra help. It's only Monday but we are having a good week (cross fingers)

Just some thoughts.

I get a two for one with both you and the OP. :) 

Preteen and Teen girls lose their damn minds from 6th to 8th grade. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful school counselor for my ODD who let me know all this settles down in 9th grade. I was not like this so I had no experience but, even with all my doubts she may not be right, she was. :) I think it's hormones honestly. Completely normal to be insecure and not be able to stay motivated or focused on important things like school.  


It's gets better. Get them the help and stay consistent. Consistency is the key. Hugs. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 1:14 AM
That's not the best way to raise a teens self esteem. If she was just being defiant - fine ground her. But this girl has self esteem issues and needs some positive reinforcement.

Quoting venessaw04: Force her to do homework each day keep in contact with teachers. take away all she considers fun until she gets her act together. Being grounded definitely sucks as a teen.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 1:17 AM
Thanks. For my dd it is the emotional abuse she has sustained over the last 3 years. She has all the other factors. She just has a lot of sadness. It's not easy being last place when you are your fathers only biological child. And the distractions of anxiety. She's already belly aching over the upcoming weekend with dad. Although today was a good day she's already cried over having to go. There's just much more to my daughters situation - but that is on top of normal teen stuff.

Quoting Silent_Sea:


Quoting momof2ex1: Yes I have lots of experience with this. Unfortunately. My dd is going through the same thing. Although she has stopped complaining about her looks - she struggle with acne and she is finally to a point where it's clearing up. So that's helping. However she still has low self esteem and low self worth. She is in therapy. I highly suggest it. She has someone she can talk to. Someone who adores her and believes in her other than mom or dad. Although yes a paid friend lol but that doesn't really matter to her.



It's a work in progress and getting her to put herself out there to meet new friends is a struggle but she's getting there.



Homework. We are struggling lol everything is a struggle right now. Tutoring. All her teachers have her coming in after school to get extra help. It's only Monday but we are having a good week (cross fingers)



Just some thoughts.

I get a two for one with both you and the OP. :) 

Preteen and Teen girls lose their damn minds from 6th to 8th grade. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful school counselor for my ODD who let me know all this settles down in 9th grade. I was not like this so I had no experience but, even with all my doubts she may not be right, she was. :) I think it's hormones honestly. Completely normal to be insecure and not be able to stay motivated or focused on important things like school.  


It's gets better. Get them the help and stay consistent. Consistency is the key. Hugs. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:02 AM

I'm dealing with this with my ds right now... It doesn't seem like it gets better no matter what I do

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:35 AM
Its more then self esteem if she is also not caring about school. and yes i believe not doing well in school needs discipline. Get her into counseling, but you can allow her to just slide by getting bad grades.

Quoting momof2ex1: That's not the best way to raise a teens self esteem. If she was just being defiant - fine ground her. But this girl has self esteem issues and needs some positive reinforcement.



Quoting venessaw04: Force her to do homework each day keep in contact with teachers. take away all she considers fun until she gets her act together. Being grounded definitely sucks as a teen.
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:42 AM
4 moms liked this

Find something in life for her to do that she loves. Renew her will to care about things. When a child has low self esteem, they cant just be talked out of it. And pushing them harder at the things they are already struggling with risks shutting them down completely. You dont need a counselor. You need intuition and a realization that this child is different. For whatever reason, she just is. Find her bugaboo.....find the thing that makes her feel worthhile and feed it. Work from the other end of this problem.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)