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EOWE NCP's refusal to take visitation revisions........

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:28 AM
  • 91 Replies
6 moms liked this

In the cases of EOWE NCP's......

A CP will get in serious trouble if they deny a court ordered visitation. Witholding if you will.

But what about when THEY do not exercise the visitation granted them by the court?

It doesn't seem to "go both ways" in these cases.

If NCP just doesnt show up to pick up kids, it's an automatic "oh well".

Both denying visitation and not exercising visitation seems to have the same substantial negative effect on the children who need to stay in contact with the CP.

So why do you think there is no punitive punishment for those that choose not to take what the courts have given them?

If it is in the best interest of a child to not withold visitation (duh) why is it not the same for those NCP's who willy nilly around with not taking it?

Personally, I would be in favor of an NCP being able to be brought back to court after a pattern of non compliance precedent has been set to 1.) have the status of custody modified and 2.) have it reflect in the CS amount for the CP.

And you?

by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MomOfTwins789
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:31 AM
1 mom liked this
I love this!
tinybluemoon
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:42 AM
1 mom liked this

The answers in the name - The NCP is awarded custody. Now if you don't know law it just sounds like a few words strung together, but legally to take what you are awarded is optional. Just like you don't legally have to accept an awarded settlement, you don't have to take custody I guess. You can choose to take part of what you are awarded. Basically once you are awarded something you can basically pick and choose what you take, when you take it.

DH don't always take his custody time - sometimes my son has or recentally had chemo and the after affects of that aren't only difficult to deal with but are unpleasent to be exsposed to, and it's better for them not to have to wittness that. Sometimes we/DH aren't home that weekend and it's not feasible to take them with us/him. That's just life I'm afraid.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Visitation shouldn't be forced, not on the child nor on the adult, there is some emotional effect I have heard on children who are forced to visit (NCPs) or live with (CPs) who clearly don't want the visit or the child to live with them. Do  you really want people to takes visits with children because they are being forced to? For me that would be a hell no, my children are too precious, visits with them must be a happy choice.

If the issue is a parent not being able to be present at the visit then ROFR takes care of that, either the CP takes the child or NCP provides or finds someone to provide the childcare during his time. 

CS is for maintaining the child, it is not to be used in a punitive way, CS isn't reduced when a mother refuses to allow visits because it is for the child's care no matter what else happens.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:47 AM

And there is the "oh well" I described.

Quoting tinybluemoon:

The answers in the name - The NCP is awarded custody. Now if you don't know law it just sounds like a few words strung together, but legally to take what you are awarded is optional. Just like you don't legally have to accept an awarded settlement, you don't have to take custody I guess. You can choose to take part of what you are awarded. Basically once you are awarded something you can basically pick and choose what you take, when you take it.

DH don't always take his custody time - sometimes my son has or recentally had chemo and the after affects of that aren't only difficult to deal with but are unpleasent to be exsposed to, and it's better for them not to have to wittness that. Sometimes we/DH aren't home that weekend and it's not feasible to take them with us/him. That's just life I'm afraid.



baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:49 AM
2 moms liked this

You are right, visitation shoulld not be forced. But perhaps it should be revised.

Also, CS is set determining not only income but amount of time. If you are not taking your time....the other parent is taking up the financial slack for you. CS should be adjusted to reflect this. Every once in a while?...no big deal. But for those who on the regular choose not to take their visitation is what I am talking about.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Visitation shouldn't be forced, not on the child nor on the adult, there is some emotional effect I have heard on children who are forced to visit (NCPs) or live with (CPs) who clearly don't want the visit or the child to live with them. Do  you really want people to takes visits with children because they are being forced to? For me that would be a hell no, my children are too precious, visits with them must be a happy choice.

If the issue is a parent not being able to be present at the visit then ROFR takes care of that, either the CP takes the child or NCP provides or finds someone to provide the childcare during his time. 

CS is for maintaining the child, it is not to be used in a punitive way, CS isn't reduced when a mother refuses to allow visits because it is for the child's care no matter what else happens.


HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:50 AM
3 moms liked this
I would like to see NCPs fined when they do not take visitation, per documented event after a documented period of no shows. That money goes to the CP and is structured based on CS. While I know support and visitation are separate entities, let's face it, money gets people's attention. My ex has not exercised one of his weekend visitations in five months (this after moving back to the state and being absent from their lives for a year, so I guess we can call it seventeen months). The teen eating machines have their CS figured out to include those weekends away from us (food, utilities, etc). Groceries alone went up $50 every two weeks. My son's therapeutic services have had to be increased due to his father's absense (I pay for that). My son is having emotional issues at school and I have to attend meetings at school (missed work for hubby to watch babies or babysitting expense). There are activities on the weekends that I would not have to provide or provide transportation to if they were at their father's house as they should be. The costs add up to hundreds, if not over a thousand dollars over the course of a year.

This is to say nothing of the emotional damage done to them as dad is living twenty minutes away with his new family and not calling or coming to see them. I hate to see my kids hurting, but I also hate to see the effect on the rest of the house. The funk that two angry teens can spread is not fun to live with.

I would like to add a #3 to your list. The NCP must also have a large sticker (12''x24'' ) added to there back car window that says 'I suck as a parent'.
tinybluemoon
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:52 AM
1 mom liked this

But sometimes it is an 'Oh well' situation. For everybody. For example DS had chemo on the 24th of December and I had to send my kids to my mothers. I would have loved to have them with me and they would have loved to be home for Christmas, but sometimes shit happens and,oh well, you have to look at the bigger picture.

Quoting baparrot2:

And there is the "oh well" I described.

Quoting tinybluemoon:

The answers in the name - The NCP is awarded custody. Now if you don't know law it just sounds like a few words strung together, but legally to take what you are awarded is optional. Just like you don't legally have to accept an awarded settlement, you don't have to take custody I guess. You can choose to take part of what you are awarded. Basically once you are awarded something you can basically pick and choose what you take, when you take it.

DH don't always take his custody time - sometimes my son has or recentally had chemo and the after affects of that aren't only difficult to deal with but are unpleasent to be exsposed to, and it's better for them not to have to wittness that. Sometimes we/DH aren't home that weekend and it's not feasible to take them with us/him. That's just life I'm afraid.




whatIknownow
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:52 AM
2 moms liked this

I had wondered about this when my ex stopped taking visitation.  So, I did file for a modification in CS based on his lack of visitation. And CS was adjusted, they took away his overnight credits, and CS went up by a couple hundred dollars a month.  I did not file to have his visitation modified, however. That might have been harder, and I was pro se. But it was easy to get the CS modified based on his pattern of actual visitation used (zero or close to zero).

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:53 AM

Perfect!

Quoting HopesNDreams: I would like to see NCPs fined when they do not take visitation, per documented event after a documented period of no shows. That money goes to the CP and is structured based on CS. While I know support and visitation are separate entities, let's face it, money gets people's attention. My ex has not exercised one of his weekend visitations in five months (this after moving back to the state and being absent from their lives for a year, so I guess we can call it seventeen months). The teen eating machines have their CS figured out to include those weekends away from us (food, utilities, etc). Groceries alone went up $50 every two weeks. My son's therapeutic services have had to be increased due to his father's absense (I pay for that). My son is having emotional issues at school and I have to attend meetings at school (missed work for hubby to watch babies or babysitting expense). There are activities on the weekends that I would not have to provide or provide transportation to if they were at their father's house as they should be. The costs add up to hundreds, if not over a thousand dollars over the course of a year.

This is to say nothing of the emotional damage done to them as dad is living twenty minutes away with his new family and not calling or coming to see them. I hate to see my kids hurting, but I also hate to see the effect on the rest of the house. The funk that two angry teens can spread is not fun to live with.

I would like to add a #3 to your list. The NCP must also have a large sticker (12''x24'' ) added to there back car window that says 'I suck as a parent'.


macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 7:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry your son is ill and dealing with chemo. I cant imagine how tough that is for both of you. Sending you wishes for comfort and healing.

Howeve, I also find it sad that Dad has decided his kids can be brushed aside. = ( can he not take his visits with them elsewhere... Shouldnt they be important members of the family too?


Quoting tinybluemoon:

The answers in the name - The NCP is awarded custody. Now if you don't know law it just sounds like a few words strung together, but legally to take what you are awarded is optional. Just like you don't legally have to accept an awarded settlement, you don't have to take custody I guess. You can choose to take part of what you are awarded. Basically once you are awarded something you can basically pick and choose what you take, when you take it.

DH don't always take his custody time - sometimes my son has or recentally had chemo and the after affects of that aren't only difficult to deal with but are unpleasent to be exsposed to, and it's better for them not to have to wittness that. Sometimes we/DH aren't home that weekend and it's not feasible to take them with us/him. That's just life I'm afraid.


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