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At My Wits End with Boyfriend's 14 yr old Daughter!!! ***Update***

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:24 AM
  • 85 Replies
1 mom liked this

This is my first time posting to a group, so forgive me if I get too wordy.

I'm not a stepmom yet and may never be if things continue on the present path.  Here's the situation:

I have lived with my boyfriend, "P" and his 14 yr old daughter, "K" for 3.5 years along with my sons (13 & 11) and daughter (7).

Since day one things have not been great. "K" is ADHD and "P" uses it as an excuse for everything. She is always extremely rude and disrespectful to me and nothing is ever done about it.  I love "P", but this is just pushing me further and further away from him. 

"P" works offshore 2 weeks a month.  During that time "K"  is with her mother.  I hate to admit it but I am my happiest and relaxed when she isn't here.

For the past few years, I've dealt with her bullying my children, calling me names and telling me she wished I had died from my cancer.  I had Stage IIIA Breast Cancer last year.  I'm doing great now but she is wearing  me thin.

Yesterday was the last straw.  I was trying to explain to her that the world unfortunately judges you by the way you dress.  She dresses inappropriately a lot of the time.  At the age of 14, she is built like a woman. For her Mardi Gras Ball gown, she has picked out a strapless and low cut in the back gown that is about 6 inches above the knee.  People here typically pick out floor length gowns that are pretty modest.  She told me " Bitch, this is my house and you should pack up your shit and leave."  All "P" said was "Now, "K", that's not nice."  Seriously?  NO punishment!! 

After her outburst, she was allowed to go to her mother's house for a BBQ and have a friend spend the night.  I resent the fact that her dad wants to be the good guy and never punish her or if he does, she's let off punishment within an hour.

When my children act out, they lose all privileges for at least a day.  This is a rare occurrence however.  My children listen and are respectful.  They don't understand why "K" is never punished.  Things need to change, but I'm afraid they never will.  I can't marry a man who won't control his daughter.

Thank you for hearing me out. 




After a lengthy talk with "P", I have decided to leave for my children's and my sake. He leaves tomorrow to go back offshore. That gives me 2 weeks to get my situation settled.
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:25 AM
7 moms liked this

You should be at wits end with your boyfriend.

Luckily you aren't married and you can get out now.  This is how the rest of your life will be.

rmgriffberg
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:28 AM
1 mom liked this

 i think it is time the two of you sit down and you let him know how you feel and if things dont change let him know you will be leaving, and then follow through if nothing changes

looneytunes290
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this
I would totally leave- seriously he has raised a brat sounds unwilling to move toward correction of it and your going to have to deal with it forever if you stay- get out an find Someone who really loves you.
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:36 AM
3 moms liked this
I'd leave. That's bullshit.

BUT that's a dad problem. He's the one allowing her to be disrespectful.
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:38 AM
2 moms liked this

you can stay and deal with the abuse (his daughter) or the lazy parenting (your boyfriend)

You and Him need to sit and talk-sadly you can't force him to parent the way YOU think he needs to be parenting...but if he can't even see where he's failing his daughter...then there's no hope.

You're prolly better off just leaving instead of subjecting your kids and you to her abuse.

november117
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this
This.

Quoting Tigress22304:

you can stay and deal with the abuse (his daughter) or the lazy parenting (your boyfriend)

You and Him need to sit and talk-sadly you can't force him to parent the way YOU think he needs to be parenting...but if he can't even see where he's failing his daughter...then there's no hope.

You're prolly better off just leaving instead of subjecting your kids and you to her abuse.

babie113
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this
leave trust me he wont change .my dh and sd were the same way .I would have left if we didnt have a child together .my dh honestly was scared of his dd not loving him and he allowed her to treat me and our son like shit on her shoe .it didnt stop till she left to go to college this past summer .I was a csm since she was 12 .
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

But wait...who the hell are you...who admittedly barely sees her and is glad when she is gone....one to school her on life lessons about how she should dress? I think you deserved what she told you. She just said it in a disrespectful "14 year old, no filter way" in response to yu having no respect for who she is and the fact she already has a mother to tell her those things. Which she, nor her dad obviously didnt feel the need to do.

You were the only one with a problem with her. Now she has a problem with you and your lack of boundaries. Why are you surprised she bit your head off?

tiafez
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 11:49 AM

if it doesn't change can you live with it forever? this isa fail on your boyfriend's part and if he allows it now there is a good chance he always  will. 

Angela70760
by Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 1:54 PM
The problem is no one teaches her right from wrong. I respect who she isand know u can't change her. I don't and will not accept the way she acts. She's the type of child who will end up 16 and pregnant. The parents are the problem, not me. Put yourself in my shoes and then judge me.

Quoting baparrot2:

But wait...who the hell are you...who admittedly barely sees her and is glad when she is gone....one to school her on life lessons about how she should dress? I think you deserved what she told you. She just said it in a disrespectful "14 year old, no filter way" in response to yu having no respect for who she is and the fact she already has a mother to tell her those things. Which she, nor her dad obviously didnt feel the need to do.

You were the only one with a problem with her. Now she has a problem with you and your lack of boundaries. Why are you surprised she bit your head off?

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