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What would you do?

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:03 AM
  • 23 Replies

SS is 13 years old.  BM is pregnant with her third child, due in 2 months.  SS was present at her second child's birth.  DH and I both think it's a little weird he was in the room - he was 10 at the time - but whatever.  SS has not been present at the birth of DH's two other children but was brought to the hospital as soon as BM would allow.  She refused to let DH have SS during her time so he could meet his siblings sooner.  SS had to wait until it was DH's time and then DH brought him to the hospital. 

BM is trying to plan for labor/delivery.  She wants SS there for the entire process and wants DH to agree to let her pick SS up if he is with him when she goes in to labor.  Knowing BM, it is likely she will "go in to labor" 3 - 4 times before she actually is in labor and delivers.  DH is agreeable that he wants SS to be there if it's something he wants and he doesn't want him to miss.  However, DH will not let her take SS just because she calls and says she is in labor.  If she goes to the hospital and it is confirmed that she is in labor and they will be keeping her, then DH will bring SS to the hospital.  I feel like this is fair.  Has anyone gone through anything like this before?  What did your DH agree to?

Note: DH is aware this might not even be an issue because SS may be with BM when she goes in to labor but we want it to be discussed and addressed prior to labor/delivery.     

by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:05 AM

That sounds reasonable.

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:12 AM
4 moms liked this
I think you are making it more complicated than it has to be.
singlemom416
by Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I would just let ss go if bm calls.

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:26 AM

 This.

Your DH's solution seems perfectly reasonable.  Bringing him to the hospital after she is actually admitted makes the most sense-- especially since I'm assuming he's in school?

Quoting PumpkinSpice8: I think you are making it more complicated than it has to be.

 

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:28 AM
1 mom liked this

 I have to ask though--

How does SS feel about being involved in that?  Not that it matters to the situation I just couldn't imagine a teenage boy WANTING to see his mom like that!

Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:40 AM

 SS will do anything to please his mother.  Because she wants him there, he wants to be there.  It seems weird to me but...not my kid.  I wouldn't want my child there to see something like that.

Quoting AmericanDream:

 I have to ask though--

How does SS feel about being involved in that?  Not that it matters to the situation I just couldn't imagine a teenage boy WANTING to see his mom like that!

 

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this

I can't fathom any teenage boy wanting to watch his mom give birth...does the kid even want to be there?

No, I haven't gone through this...my son's sm had a normal birth as did bm. No kids were invited in the room.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 5:45 PM

Your DHs plan seems reasonable. 

I, myself, wouldn't have my kids in the labor/delivery room with me.  I, myself, wouldn't allow my kids to be there when SM gave birth.  BF wanted the boys at the hospital, in the waiting room, the entire time SM was in labor, so they could meet their sisters 'right away'.  I said no.  They were too young, IMO, to care when they met their sisters, and waiting a few hours wouldn't make a bit of difference to them.  I did, however, drive them to the hospital after each was born, sat in the main lobby (not even the maternity ward, just the main lobby) and read a book, peacefully, for the couple of hours they visited and took pictures and whatever they did.  I didn't feel it was up to SMs family to entertain the boys for however long labor might take.  Turns out she had a long labor, like I did, and there's no way they'd have been good/calm for 12+ hours while waiting. 

But, if SS wants to be there, BF is ok with his DS being there, and he's willing to take DS to the hospital once BM is in active labor (or confirmed labor), this seems reasonable. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 7:51 PM

I find it kind of mortifying that anyone would want their CHLILD right there for delivery.  But whatevs. If DH is fine with taking his kiddo to the hospital once she's admitted, more power to him.  Personally, I don't think that's a place for a young kid.  But that's just me.  And if I were a divorced parent, I would probably say no.  No kid needs to see Mom's vagina, be near all that....you can be a perfectly lovely big brother or sister and not be exposed to all that goes on in the birthing suite. 

Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 8:14 AM

 DH and I agree that it's a little odd that BM WANTS SS there...again.  Like I said, he was there for the birth of his younger sister almost 3 years ago.  I don't think he should be exposed to that kind of thing, but it also isn't something DH will to deny him the opportunity of doing.  DH just isn't going to let it consume all of his time with SS.       

Quoting Birdseed:

I find it kind of mortifying that anyone would want their CHLILD right there for delivery.  But whatevs. If DH is fine with taking his kiddo to the hospital once she's admitted, more power to him.  Personally, I don't think that's a place for a young kid.  But that's just me.  And if I were a divorced parent, I would probably say no.  No kid needs to see Mom's vagina, be near all that....you can be a perfectly lovely big brother or sister and not be exposed to all that goes on in the birthing suite. 

 

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