Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Step children showing step parents physical affection

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:53 PM
  • 71 Replies

History- I have a ss6. I’ve been in his life since the age of 2. His mom and his dad (my husband) share equal parenting time.

I put ss6 to bed last night and I leaned in to give him a hug and a kiss on his forehead goodnight. He was like a limp noodle and didn’t respond to the hug at all. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he isn’t allowed to hug, kiss, or tell me he loves me. I was confused so I asked him who told him he couldn’t do those things and he said his mom. I didn’t push him any further and I said goodnight with a smile on my face.

He used to be affectionate so this is not a change he did for his own comfort.  I feel it all derives from what his mom is telling him he should do.  I am confused about what I should do from here. What is your feedback on the situation?

by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:53 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Just keep being yourself. This stage passes. I would not have a conversation with BM because then she knows it worked and will keep pressing. He also could have misconstrued something that was said about good touch bad touch.

 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:06 PM
2 moms liked this

I find it really hard that a mom would tell her child "don't tell her you love her."  I just can't picture a mom saying that to a child. I cant' imagine the context in which such a statement would even come up.

It might be that he just doesn't want to be kissed or hugged and he found a good excuse to get out of it. 

or it might be that he misconstrued something, as the pp said.

cam2122
by Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:10 PM
1 mom liked this

When I told my husband he said he is going to talk to ss6 about it today.  I didn't really get more details from ss because I didn't want to confuse ss anymore.  Plus I feel like that's an issue for dh to talk out with ss.

pseudomamma
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:17 PM

It's not that hard to believe.   BM told my SKs they couldn't spend time with me.  If DH had to leave, they were to go to another room and wait for him to come back.  Didn't have to listen to me.  Couldn't hug me.  Couldn't kiss me.  She actually  told them they couldn't love me.  This was the first 6 years.  After Jr came we were getting along and I watched her tell him he couldn't do the these things to his real father.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I find it really hard that a mom would tell her child "don't tell her you love her."  I just can't picture a mom saying that to a child. I cant' imagine the context in which such a statement would even come up.

It might be that he just doesn't want to be kissed or hugged and he found a good excuse to get out of it. 

or it might be that he misconstrued something, as the pp said.


whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:28 PM

did the mom tell YOU that she had told the kids they couldnt' "love" you?

As for telling them to go into a different room, maybe the were complaining to her about the way you treated them and she said "well, go into a different room then." Who knows what was really said or what the context was.

Quoting pseudomamma:

It's not that hard to believe.   BM told my SKs they couldn't spend time with me.  If DH had to leave, they were to go to another room and wait for him to come back.  Didn't have to listen to me.  Couldn't hug me.  Couldn't kiss me.  She actually  told them they couldn't love me.  This was the first 6 years.  After Jr came we were getting along and I watched her tell him he couldn't do the these things to his real father.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I find it really hard that a mom would tell her child "don't tell her you love her."  I just can't picture a mom saying that to a child. I cant' imagine the context in which such a statement would even come up.

It might be that he just doesn't want to be kissed or hugged and he found a good excuse to get out of it. 

or it might be that he misconstrued something, as the pp said.



charleyangel317
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would talk to dh about it and see how he wants to handle it. Apparently the child wants to love you and show you but is scared to make bm mad. Just talk to dh and go from there.

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think you should kiss other peoples kids. I'd be disgusted if step sons wanted me to kiss them. But they are 10, 12 lol
Boobear110
by Audra on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I kiss my SD all the time. I kiss my nieces and nephews too. 

We are kissers in my family. I still kiss my parents hello and goodbye. My sisters too 

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I don't think you should kiss other peoples kids. I'd be disgusted if step sons wanted me to kiss them. But they are 10, 12 lol


whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:38 PM

I was thinking the kid was just feeling like he was getting too old to be kissed and didnt' want to be kissed anymore.

Quoting CrunchMaMaBear: I don't think you should kiss other peoples kids. I'd be disgusted if step sons wanted me to kiss them. But they are 10, 12 lol


pseudomamma
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:44 PM

No she didn't tell ME to my face, but she did tell DH when he asked her about it.  It was her insecurities.  She didn't want them forming any kind of relationship with me.

Quoting whatIknownow:

did the mom tell YOU that she had told the kids they couldnt' "love" you?

As for telling them to go into a different room, maybe the were complaining to her about the way you treated them and she said "well, go into a different room then." Who knows what was really said or what the context was.

Quoting pseudomamma:

It's not that hard to believe.   BM told my SKs they couldn't spend time with me.  If DH had to leave, they were to go to another room and wait for him to come back.  Didn't have to listen to me.  Couldn't hug me.  Couldn't kiss me.  She actually  told them they couldn't love me.  This was the first 6 years.  After Jr came we were getting along and I watched her tell him he couldn't do the these things to his real father.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I find it really hard that a mom would tell her child "don't tell her you love her."  I just can't picture a mom saying that to a child. I cant' imagine the context in which such a statement would even come up.

It might be that he just doesn't want to be kissed or hugged and he found a good excuse to get out of it. 

or it might be that he misconstrued something, as the pp said.




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)