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so ashamed of myself

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:08 PM
  • 73 Replies
I feel like shit right now. Bash away because I screwed up majorly.

I just got into a full blown screaming match with SD13. I said some very ugly things to her....and she escalated out of control, even though she "started it" its no fucking excuse for my behavior.

SD13 has borderline personality disorder. She calls me names regularly and is generally disrespectful. It is difficult living with her at times. DH does a good.job managing her, BM is not in the picture. I have disengaged, somewhat emotionally from her. I do parent her... etc...

I shouldn't have let her get to me like that though. No matter what. I am so stressed about everything! And its seems like the circus riots when I am working... sigh... I just got called a bitch one too many times in the space of an hour...

What can I do to fix it.
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kristinbugg
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:20 PM
7 moms liked this
It's human nature to defend yourself when you feel attacked. It's called the "sensitive line". The sensitive line is that point where one can only critize you do much before you become defensive.

The best thing to do is to be honest with SD. Sit her down and explain that her actions and words were inappropriate, but that YOUR reaction was too. Apologize for your bad reaction. Then, perhaps the two of you could have a conversation about what BOTH of you could do differently next time.

My ODD has some behavioral issues. What works for our family is that if one if us is having a bad day or if a discussion or interaction becomes too heated, we have a code phrase. Once someone says that phrase, everyone goes into a seperate space to calm down. After everyone is cooled down, we finish the discussion or discuss why we became upset. It works well.

I'm sure your whole family is under stress from recent events. Don't beat yourself up. All you can do is try to do better next time.
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:25 PM
I just snapped. I KNOW how she is and how she reacts. And even though she can be difficult, and I have protected my emotions. I do love her.

I think we will have a sit down tomorrow. Just me and her.

I actually think we need to have a family meeting too. Just to try get back on track....

I'm trying not to berate myself.. its hard..

Quoting kristinbugg: It's human nature to defend yourself when you feel attacked. It's called the "sensitive line". The sensitive line is that point where one can only critize you do much before you become defensive.



The best thing to do is to be honest with SD. Sit her down and explain that her actions and words were inappropriate, but that YOUR reaction was too. Apologize for your bad reaction. Then, perhaps the two of you could have a conversation about what BOTH of you could do differently next time.



My ODD has some behavioral issues. What works for our family is that if one if us is having a bad day or if a discussion or interaction becomes too heated, we have a code phrase. Once someone says that phrase, everyone goes into a seperate space to calm down. After everyone is cooled down, we finish the discussion or discuss why we became upset. It works well.



I'm sure your whole family is under stress from recent events. Don't beat yourself up. All you can do is try to do better next time.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

First, forgive yourself. 

Then, consider it a learning experience...  and let it blow over, give it time.

And think of something nice to do for her. Let her forgive you.

Forgiveness is very important in steplife.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

When you're both calm, apologize. Own up to your mistake.

kristinbugg
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I think every mother of a teen daughter has had one of those moments at least once. I dread DDs becoming teens.

Trust me. This will not scar her or make her become a serial killer. Just be honest with her and figure out how both of you can react differently in the future.

I'm sure someone will come on and tell you how horrible you are. You're not. You're human and you reacted because you felt attacked.

Quoting thecircus8: I just snapped. I KNOW how she is and how she reacts. And even though she can be difficult, and I have protected my emotions. I do love her.



I think we will have a sit down tomorrow. Just me and her.



I actually think we need to have a family meeting too. Just to try get back on track....



I'm trying not to berate myself.. its hard..



Quoting kristinbugg: It's human nature to defend yourself when you feel attacked. It's called the "sensitive line". The sensitive line is that point where one can only critize you do much before you become defensive.





The best thing to do is to be honest with SD. Sit her down and explain that her actions and words were inappropriate, but that YOUR reaction was too. Apologize for your bad reaction. Then, perhaps the two of you could have a conversation about what BOTH of you could do differently next time.





My ODD has some behavioral issues. What works for our family is that if one if us is having a bad day or if a discussion or interaction becomes too heated, we have a code phrase. Once someone says that phrase, everyone goes into a seperate space to calm down. After everyone is cooled down, we finish the discussion or discuss why we became upset. It works well.





I'm sure your whole family is under stress from recent events. Don't beat yourself up. All you can do is try to do better next time.
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:30 PM
No kidding... I am going to lay low with her tomorrow.. and see if I can't do something special with her Sat.

Quoting whatIknownow:

First, forgive yourself. 

Then, consider it a learning experience...  and let it blow over, give it time.

And think of something nice to do for her. Let her forgive you.

Forgiveness is very important in steplife.

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Great advice

Quoting kristinbugg: It's human nature to defend yourself when you feel attacked. It's called the "sensitive line". The sensitive line is that point where one can only critize you do much before you become defensive.



The best thing to do is to be honest with SD. Sit her down and explain that her actions and words were inappropriate, but that YOUR reaction was too. Apologize for your bad reaction. Then, perhaps the two of you could have a conversation about what BOTH of you could do differently next time.



My ODD has some behavioral issues. What works for our family is that if one if us is having a bad day or if a discussion or interaction becomes too heated, we have a code phrase. Once someone says that phrase, everyone goes into a seperate space to calm down. After everyone is cooled down, we finish the discussion or discuss why we became upset. It works well.



I'm sure your whole family is under stress from recent events. Don't beat yourself up. All you can do is try to do better next time.
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Teen girls are so scary. Lol. I think.I am going to wait until Sat to talk to her...

Quoting kristinbugg: I think every mother of a teen daughter has had one of those moments at least once. I dread DDs becoming teens.



Trust me. This will not scar her or make her become a serial killer. Just be honest with her and figure out how both of you can react differently in the future.



I'm sure someone will come on and tell you how horrible you are. You're not. You're human and you reacted because you felt attacked.



Quoting thecircus8: I just snapped. I KNOW how she is and how she reacts. And even though she can be difficult, and I have protected my emotions. I do love her.





I think we will have a sit down tomorrow. Just me and her.





I actually think we need to have a family meeting too. Just to try get back on track....





I'm trying not to berate myself.. its hard..





Quoting kristinbugg: It's human nature to defend yourself when you feel attacked. It's called the "sensitive line". The sensitive line is that point where one can only critize you do much before you become defensive.







The best thing to do is to be honest with SD. Sit her down and explain that her actions and words were inappropriate, but that YOUR reaction was too. Apologize for your bad reaction. Then, perhaps the two of you could have a conversation about what BOTH of you could do differently next time.







My ODD has some behavioral issues. What works for our family is that if one if us is having a bad day or if a discussion or interaction becomes too heated, we have a code phrase. Once someone says that phrase, everyone goes into a seperate space to calm down. After everyone is cooled down, we finish the discussion or discuss why we became upset. It works well.







I'm sure your whole family is under stress from recent events. Don't beat yourself up. All you can do is try to do better next time.
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Deep breath, it's ok.  You're stressed and she hit a nerve.  It happens to the best of us.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:35 PM
2 moms liked this
Honey you have had a hell of a week. Forgive yourself, you are stressed to the max and you just reached your point. Talk to her, apologize, and work it out.
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