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How close is too close to BM?

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 8:16 AM
  • 29 Replies
We purchased a home close to bm so step kids would be able to travel back and forth at ease. They are older now and rarely stay here. By doing so we moved farther away from my own children. Am I wrong to feel that we should now be looking for somewhere comperable (and farther away) from BM. She is a constant presence in our lives because of her still trying to control ex and adult children.
by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 8:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

I would never move because of BM.  Is she coming to your home to control them?

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Jan. 27, 2014 at 9:36 AM
3 moms liked this
I would never move away from my own child for step kids, esp ones that are adults and do not even come over on a regular basis
daddysgf
by and that's all on Jan. 27, 2014 at 9:39 AM

We're moving within walking distance of BM.....

oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 9:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Hell no. Adult SKs. No. They're going to be getting their own lives and moving on, won't really be "in" either mom's or dad's house if they grow up like they should and any relationship that is already set should have them visiting if they want the relationship, they're already adults. Nope, no way. Absolutely NO need to be close to BM with adult SKs. At this point there shouldn't be any contact with her at all. Adult SKs should be managing relationships with each of their parents on their own.

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this
I would never move away from my child b/c of sk's. The sk's are adults now. How and why is she trying to control your DH? How old are your kids?
progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 10:49 AM
I would never move because of BM.

We live roughly two miles from BM. SS is only six though, so he doesn't go back and forth.
WickedPissah
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't move away from my kid for step kids.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I would never move to be closer to bm. Period.

We moved two hours away and it's a perfect distance. The skids are still over at our place the same amount of time and we have no regular interaction on a face to face basis with bm.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 11:08 AM

If I WANTED to move and all kids were adults, I would move where my husband and I wanted to move.  Period.  I wouldn't move closer or futher away due to BM.  In your situation, with adult skids who live WITH BM, I could understand why DH wouldn't want to move away because that might limit his interaction with his kids.

Until we moved states away last year, we lived 5 min from BM, 5 houses down from SIL, and a few miles from MIL/FIL.  Personally, I didn't enjoy that because it made for a lot of impromptu visits and made it far too easy for BM to A) break into our house B) drop the kids with no notice.  But they are minor children so it was actually good for DH and the kids to be so close.  If Mom didn't take visitation for a few weeks, their day to day routine was not disrupted.

But I think that deciding where to live is something you and DH need to think about.  Personally, I wouldn't plan a move to be closer to kids or skids if I didn't really want to live in that area to begin with because adult children take jobs and move away, have their own lives, etc.

cdrainey3
by Cher on Jan. 27, 2014 at 1:52 PM
We considered moving closer to BM so that dh could be more involved with ss school and sports, but the schools where BM lives are horrible. I was not willing to make my children sacrifice. Especially their education. Now I can't stand BM due to a huge fight and I'm SO grateful we live the distance we do. It's only 20 min, further would be better! I would never move that close no matter the relationship. GL
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