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CSM SM, 50/50, EOWE, Breaks and Summers, never around kids at all...

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:45 PM
  • 52 Replies

Just a discussion, no real life drama to weigh in on. I'm waiting for a query to run so am trying to come up with something to talk about...

As I see it, there are basically 5 types of Stepmothers from a "time with kids" standpoint:  CSM, 50/50, EOWE, Breaks and Summers, or never around kids at all.  The latter being either due to Dad not taking visitation or because the kids are grown and out of the house. Which do you think you'd prefer as a SM assuming that the kids' were thriving in any of those situations?  I'm talking ideal conditions stuff here and from a totally selfish standpoint as a SM.

Will post my thoughts in another post.




by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AmyB118
by NA Rocks on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:48 PM
I've been all of the above. Ultimately I think I like the way DH and BM did it. Their co was very vague saying he had liberal visitation so he got them whenever and when he was custodial he let BM have OSS whenever or let her stop by when she wanted.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:56 PM
I like my sitch how it is now.

I guess technically I'm a CSM bc the co says DH has sole custody. It's weird tho, the co makes no mention of a visitation schedule and for almost a year now DH and BM have been doing a EOW schedule. Soo I guess I fall under the 50/50 catagory too? Before last year BM had EOWE. I have also been a ncsm too where DH had EOWE.

I like the 50/50 EOW schedule the best tho. I think it's works best for my sk's as well.
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:00 PM
I like being a CSM. Its never been any other way..I did enjoy when SKids went to BMs for a visit. It was a special time with my DDs.

I.could not tell you if I would prefer any of the other choices because I've never lived them!
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:00 PM
2 moms liked this

 i think id be ok w 60/40 which is what we really have around here, although it is supposed to be eowe and mid week overnight. however i would NOT like all weekend every weekend, i like some damn down time. and dont tell me "well as moms we dont get down time" yes the hell i do, my older two sons are teens and rarely home on weekends, there is a BIG damn difference between just one baby and four boys running around here. lol

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:14 PM

I like my situation the way it is-if anything I'd change summer visitation to 5 days a week then 2 days at moms then 5days with us instead of the kis here allllllll summer long only going home for 48h a MONTH.

I love them really I do-but I'm on school schedule year round-and I need to stay focused on Princess instead of those 2 because their mother doesn't wanna be bothered with them.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:37 PM

No SM.  

Even if I hadn't had the experience I did with the woman that played the role of SM for a few years I don't think one is necessary for my kids to be happy and thrive.  

Or, never around at all, to answer with the choices you gave.  

We all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions so I don't even care about a woman's intentions with my kids.  If they HAD to be around a SM I'd prefer one that was happy being dad's wife and leaving things "as is" and only following the parents lead, like others do.  

GlockMom
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I am grooving on my newest SM "phase". SM to grown kids. They come over to visit when they feel like it. We just started EOWE Sunday dinners. It is AWESOME. I still get to be their super great SM and I get to focus on my two kids just about totally.
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 8:09 PM

I would prefer half of the breaks and the summers, that is more like the schedule DH had with his Dad while growing up and he enjoyed it, it is better for DH's schedule and the children like each other. SS usually spends the long holidays with his maternal grandparents, so it is not taking away from BM's time.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 8:24 PM
DH is custodial, full time, kids see BM 1 week a year. So I want to say it would be nice to have some more SK-free time (and DH could really use more breaks) but, ..., in dh's situation, BM is so vindictive that she would never be able to work with DH, in any form. It is unfortunate.

In an ideal world, I would love to have some kid free time. My kids go to their dad eowe and 1 night a week. Such a nice break for me!!
Birdseed
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 9:05 PM

Well yeah.  Ideally, parents wouldn't divorce or die so no need for steps.  And ideally, maybe I could've met a guy around my age who hadn't been married and had kids after I'd held off and worked on my career.

If you had to be a SM, that was just the way it was, which one of those situations do you think you'd prefer? I'd guess you'd prefer to be a CSM because you have a strong personality, are no nonsense, and are confident in your own abilities and are independent--not really needing or wanting outside input.  So I would think that if you were a 50/50 SM for example, you'd be very frustrated.




Quoting packermom4ever:

No SM.  

Even if I hadn't had the experience I did with the woman that played the role of SM for a few years I don't think one is necessary for my kids to be happy and thrive.  

Or, never around at all, to answer with the choices you gave.  

We all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions so I don't even care about a woman's intentions with my kids.  If they HAD to be around a SM I'd prefer one that was happy being dad's wife and leaving things "as is" and only following the parents lead, like others do.  


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