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DD17 said I could ask...UPDATE page 4 - FIXED DATE!!!!

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:30 AM
  • 127 Replies
1 mom liked this

When is it OK to allow your high school daughter sleep over her boyfriend's house?  We are talking long-term, monogamous, committed relationship.  There would be no sneaking around, she won't do it unless I am Ok with it.

they are both Juniors.  

My head is spinning.

by on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tracylynn100
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:32 AM

When they have graduated from high school.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:39 AM

Why?  And I promise, I am nt being argumentative.  I am trying to understand why I feel the same way and yet feel I am being silly at the same time.

Quoting Tracylynn100:

When they have graduated from high school.


NicoleJudy
by on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:46 AM
3 moms liked this

I think she is old enough now. If you know the family and it's a safe space, and you trust him to treat her well, then I think she's old enough.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I feel the same way, but I feel like it's because I don't want to think about my babies growing up and having sex.

SD is our oldest and she's 13. It's a little different with her due to her special needs. I don't know that there will ever be a point when I'll be OK with her staying the night with a boyfriend, LOL. I kinda feel the same way about the others.

I mean, teenagers are going to have sex, but sleeping over like that just feels too adult to me. Who knows how I'll feel when the kids actually reach 17.

Being the parent of a teenager (or teenagers) is terrifying!

Quoting pdxmum:

Why?  And I promise, I am nt being argumentative.  I am trying to understand why I feel the same way and yet feel I am being silly at the same time.

Quoting Tracylynn100:

When they have graduated from high school.



Mommyto3band1g
by on Feb. 1, 2014 at 2:00 AM
1 mom liked this

I stayed over with my ex husband when we were juniors. it was sad though lol, his mom didnt trust us and made him go sleep in her room with her. i laughed so hard. he never stayed at my house though. is your daughter on birth control? how much longer until she turns 18?

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 4:02 AM
I think at 17 that could be ok... What do the boys parents think about it?
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 6:54 AM
I was 18 and out of hs when my mom allowed me to do that. I think if you feel comfortable w/it then she's old enough.
Pero3
by on Feb. 1, 2014 at 7:15 AM

I married when I was in my early-20s. I was still living at home back then, but in sort of a granny flat in the basement. My parents (BM and SF) didn't want my then boyfriend sleeping over, not for moral reasons, but because they really don't like people around, they are a bit reclusive.

Since my then boyfriend was a civilian working at a US Army base in Germany, he was sharing a room with two more people, meaning that whenever we wanted to spend a weekend together (we lived about 2 hours apart), we had to get a hotel room together. These complications made the longing even bigger, it was us against the rest of the world ... which ultimately led to us marrying way too early, and to divorce two years later.

I am convinced that had I had the opportunity to spend some time with him under normal circumstances, without this added stress ... I'd have noticed before saying "yes" that he was NOT the right man for me, that we were not compatible.

She is 17, I presume they are engaging in sexual activities anyway. Personally, I'd rather have them do it in a controlled environment, where they can focus on those little things like birth control or protection, instead of them getting carried away in a car or alley way, worrying more about getting caught than looking after themselves.

 

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 7:20 AM
8 moms liked this
When you are ready to be a grandparent.

That is the most simple answer and that is the irrational nagging feeling in the back of your head.
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 7:25 AM
9 moms liked this

When she is fully self supporting and not living under my roof.

Why?  Because sex always comes with the risk of children.  I won't promote that by allowing sleepovers.  Because it could easily become living together.  Because it is not a social norm for kids that age to live together.

This is how it started with my sd.  Sleepovers.  Then bm let her bf move in.  Dial forward.  Sd and bf sat alone at the prom.  Sd did not pursue friendships while with her bf.  After high school, she moved in with the bf's parents and now they have an apartment.  Sd did not have as many social opportunities in college, did not join into as many college activities.  She will likely finish college and is an extremely bright girl.  But I wish she had had the experience of living in a dorm, working in a team, making lifelong friends, meeting new people of the same age. 

What if this guy turns out not to be the one?  Why should dd be so serious at this age?  The down sides of holding off on sleepovers are almost none.  Where the downsides of allowing it are:  pregnancy, being too serious and attached too young, social pressure (many of her peers will not be allowed to do this) and social sanctions.  I think there are great reasons to keep it slow until the child is fully ready to make adult decisions, mitigate risk and take the reins of her life with full responsibity.

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