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help, SD is making me crazy

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2014 at 12:12 PM
  • 24 Replies
My 8 year old SD has been with us full time for a year, 0 contact with BM. She has a lot of behavior problems. She takes ADHD meds, but is still beyond out of control I think a lot of it is just I am a brat and want my way. My husband and I are usually on the same page, but at the end of the day i know he feels guilty for missing a lot of her early life because he was gone in the military so he often thinks I am too hard on her. She is extremely manipulative and lies constantly. She bullys kids at school and just acts like a brat and I am fed up. I wish I could have a fun loving relationship with her but I want nothing to do with her. Everyday it is the same thing, she is bad, then says how much she loves us and how sorry she is, then the next day it is the same story. I don't know what to do, sometimes I wish she would go away so I could have the life I loved back instead of this stress filled existence and feeling like I try so hard to help her and she doesn't care, and doesn't actually want to change, what do I do??
by on Feb. 1, 2014 at 12:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Well first off she is only 8. That is very young and it sounds like she's had some rough stuff happen.

Where is her mom and why had there been no contact?

Is she in therapy? If not I suggest you guys get get in there. Actually, going yourself might be a good idea too.. You might learn some coping skills and how to deal weigh the frustrations you are feeling.
sue1982
by New Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 2:06 PM
She was suppose to come for a visit, but her mom cancelled her return flight, and we havent heard from her sense. She does go to therapy, she just talks about she wants to change and get good consequnces, then puts in 0 effort to actually change. I know she is "only 8" and had some rough stuff happen, but she counts on using that as an excuse, she is so extremely manipulative, some day my husband see it and others he falls for it. Because she lies and manipulates so much i just have no desire to try and have a relationship with her because i feel like it is all just fake and calculated.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 2:33 PM
2 moms liked this

She's 8 and has ADHD. As the mother of an ADHD child, I am HORRIBLY offended by your post.

You have to understand that children with ADHD have different brains than a typical person. There is scientific PROOF that parts of their brain are malformed (different sizes than they should be), and that they lack key chemicals in their brain that aid with self control, impulse control, self calming, attention, etc.

I suggest YOU research ADHD and better understand how it effects a child. I also suggest that this child be put into behavior modification therapy, and that you AND your DH attend these sessions.

Does she have an IEP or 504 plan at school that helps deal with the bullying and other issues at school?

sue1982
by New Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 2:58 PM
I have done a lot of research, but ADHD or not she can't just do whatever she wants whenever she wants. I think about 30% of her issues are ADHD, the rest is just her being a brat. She lived with her mom and grandma before and she had 0 rules. She never talks about missing her mom or grandma when we tell her no, then she suddenly misses what they let her do, but never them. She does have a therapist and a physctriast, and she is a 504 student. She just doesn't seem to care about anything, no consequences or rewards change her behavior, I am done putting in effort to help her when she doesn't care. I mean I will take care of her, but trying to form a bond with her is just not going to happen.
PJs35
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 3:02 PM

I am in the same situation with my SD minus the apologies. She has no remorse for anything she does wrong. She has not been diagnosed with ADHD but we are in process of getting her to the doctor to be tested. SD does all the exact same things as yours but last week when she got in trouble at school and I asked her to lay down for a nap to calm down she told me she wished me and my unborn baby were dead so she could make her dad go back to her mom. Her mom has not been a part of her life in 3 years. These outbursts are new to us at home but not at school. Yesterday she had another at school and told me when I picked her up that her dad is a terrible Daddy and that she doesn't want a family anymore. I don't have the heart to tell her father what she said either time. Its killing me inside because I would do anything for her but my son heard both comments and he is really upset by it. I normally wouldn't share any of this on here because people seem to think their way is the only way even if we've tried it and were not successful. My advice, talk to her doctor. Maybe she is on the wrong meds. I've seen it with my nephew and once they found the right one he was fine. It could also be a change in the situation. She also could be taking her anger at her mom out on you. We suspect thats what SD is doing to me. It hurts a lot but all I can do is take it and walk away. She is angry and doesn't understand that she is being cruel.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 3:31 PM

She lived with her mother, the mom sent her for  a visit, cancelled the return flight, and you have no idea where she is? 

Did you call the police? how hard did you try to find her? did you check the death index? Do her family members know where she is? Was she reported as a  missing person?


Quoting sue1982: She was suppose to come for a visit, but her mom cancelled her return flight, and we havent heard from her sense. She does go to therapy, she just talks about she wants to change and get good consequnces, then puts in 0 effort to actually change. I know she is "only 8" and had some rough stuff happen, but she counts on using that as an excuse, she is so extremely manipulative, some day my husband see it and others he falls for it. Because she lies and manipulates so much i just have no desire to try and have a relationship with her because i feel like it is all just fake and calculated.


whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 3:32 PM

So BOTH the mom and grandma disappeared off the face of the earth? How very strange.

Quoting sue1982:  She lived with her mom and grandma before 
sue1982
by New Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 3:56 PM
Her mom is a cop, is not missing in any way, she was just done dealing with her. I get it that she is very beyond frustrating and while I can't find the desire to foster a relationship with her I could never just be like bye, and she isn't mine biologically. Her grandma is very overbearing, and she let her do whatever she wanted, she would get suspended from school and just get to play video games all day. She has been on 4 different meds and just nothing seems to click, she just says what she thinks you want to hear and does whatever she wants.
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this
What is dad doing to help his dd?
cdrainey3
by Cher on Feb. 1, 2014 at 4:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm not sure what to do with a child like that. However, I know as adults and parents we should never give up on our children! Never lose hope. Vent as much as you need to, but happiness comes from within. You need to change you. Change the way you react and change the way you discipline. This child knows she is getting to you like this. Be even stronger. Go to classes on dealing with a rebellious child. There are helping hands everywhere you look, you just have to look! Good luck, stay strong mama!
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