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I just don't know what to do :(

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 3:12 AM
  • 58 Replies

 We have shared physical custody of SS and BM is still keeping things from us :(  He got his report card Friday ..he told us it was in his book bag on Saturday. We asked if we could please see it and he said sure but guess what it wasn't in there. So disappointing. 

In the past three school years we have seen his report card twice :(  We do not get papers to sign up to help with class room parties or anything because BM sends them back before we even knew the sign ups were out until it is to late :( 

I made SS a physical appointment at the doctors office after I found out he hadn't had one in three years and then that led to him getting orthotics because at the physical appointment found out he has had flat feet and that explained the feet and leg pain he got when he walked for a while.

Also made him a dentist appointment after finding ouit he hadn't been to the dentist in three years also :( On a positive note he didn't have any cavities :) Thank goodness for that :)

And BM will send SS over in shirts that are two sizes to small and smell like cigarette smoke. and usually has at least two new flea bites on him after being there for three days.

BM gets mad at me though for making the appointments..but she had three years to do something. It is sad. And now she is trying to buy his love by buying him a cellphone at age 8. Also and I-pod and lets him watch pretty much whatever he wants...he has watched Walking Dead and played the game and also has watched The Chainsaw Massacre. I just don't get it...he asked me before if I would wake him up at 6am instead of 730 on school days that way he can play a game before getting ready and I told him No. He asked why my mom does that for me..so I said to SS that I believe his sleep is more important then playing video games.

Can any SM out there relate to me??? I feel so lost...I have two bio children of my own and so I treat SS as my own and BM says that she likes that I do that so he isn't left out but then will turn around and say that I shouldn't do so much because I am not his mom...and I know that and if BM would do HER job I wouldn't HAVE to...I would LOVE it if BM would step up and be the mother to him that he deserves. SS has come to our house crying because his mom didn't have time to play with him because she was fixing her hair..I can relate to that because my mom was the same way except for the cigarette smake and flea bites. :( I feel for him and I let him know I have been there and know it is tough but that is still his mom and she does love him even if she doesn't show it to well. :( so sad

by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 3:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Arucana
by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 7:58 AM

Sounds like my step grandkids. Nothing I can do except do the best I can for the kids when they come over here. Well, unless I want to go broke trying to fix their home. The parents are laow income and can't afford an exterminator for the roaches and fleas, new clothes (they buy thrift store stuff) or better than hamburger for meat.

I'm not willing to turn my step grandkids over to social services and, don't have room to raise them myself so, short of reporting to welfare or spending a fortune to fix thier home, I can't do much except make the time the kids are here good for them and let it go at that.


So, if money is the issue, then it's up to you, spend your money on the kid or don't and, report and take over raising the kid entirely when welfare says the home is unfit or, let it go and just do your best when the kid is with you.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 8:05 AM

is he in public school?

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 8:07 AM
4 moms liked this
Your DH can go up to the school with self addressed, stamped envelopes and request that they mail him a copy of the report cards. Also, he can email his teachers and ask to be kept in the loop via email.

Where is he, anyway? If he hasn't been to the doctor in three years that is as much on him as it is his mother. Same with the dentist.

As far as buying stuff I doubt BM is trying to buy his love since he's her son and he already loves her. We've purchased my SD a laptop, iPod, and an eReader. We aren't truing to buy her love we just know what she will enjoy and use.
tiafez
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 8:14 AM
2 moms liked this

how is a child in school without the required yearly physical? why hasn't the Father, not the Father's wife, contacted the school and signed on for report cards/notices/etc to be mailed to him? 

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 8:28 AM
2 moms liked this
Why hasn't your husband contacted the school and asked for two sets of papers to be sent home including report cards or emailed to him or sent snail mail? I assume he's made a parent/teacher conference, he should have seen a report card then.

Why hasn't your DH made a doctor or dentist appt for SS in three years?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 9:03 AM

I doubt very much the mother is trying to buy her 8yo's son's love. Do you really think this child does not already love his mother?

If you really treated him as your own, you would have found a way to get a copy of his report card, and you would not have waited 3 years to take him to the dentist.

I think you are competing with mom, and I think yo are finding petty things to complain about because you want to believe you are a better mom to your SS. I think this is a bad road to go down and will not end well for you.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 9:04 AM

These are important questions.

Quoting PumpkinSpice8: Why hasn't your husband contacted the school and asked for two sets of papers to be sent home including report cards or emailed to him or sent snail mail? I assume he's made a parent/teacher conference, he should have seen a report card then.

Why hasn't your DH made a doctor or dentist appt for SS in three years?


shanlee42
by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 9:04 AM
2 moms liked this
Dad has shared custody. Dad should contact the school. They can and will issue a second set of all important paperwork. I agree dad needs to contact the teacher and have her/him email all other important stuff.

I would probably be mad if I were mom that you made appts for my child also. Honestly it's not your place and I consider it overstepping. If dad wants to make them, that's fine since he is the child's parent.

Dad needs to step up here. You have more of a dad problem than a mom problem with most of the issues in your OP.

As for the small clothes and cigarette smell, I'm not sure there is anything you can do other than replace and wash the clothing. Definitely have him change as soon as he gets to the house. Maybe contact a lawyer to see if you can put it in the CO that neither parent can smoke in the house on their parenting time? But I'm not sure that is even feasible.
shanlee42
by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 9:06 AM
Very important!

Quoting whatIknownow:

These are important questions.

Quoting PumpkinSpice8: Why hasn't your husband contacted the school and asked for two sets of papers to be sent home including report cards or emailed to him or sent snail mail? I assume he's made a parent/teacher conference, he should have seen a report card then.



Why hasn't your DH made a doctor or dentist appt for SS in three years?




GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this

No, I can't relate.  Things BM should have been handling as CP commonly did not get done.  DH did what his kids needed done. 

It is as much your DH fault for lack of dental and medical care.  He can always contact the school and teachers for the information he wants.  His lack of involvement is his fault.

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