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My Sister's Keeper *added link to piog

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 11:20 AM
  • 51 Replies
Idk how many of you have seen it but there's a post in another group where a mom with sole custody and medical of her 10 y/o dd was told by her ex that she's a perfect match to donate a kidney to her 4 y/o half sister who's sick. The dad and sm supposedly put pressure and guilt on the 10 y/o to donate and save her sister.

The post made me think about what if this was us? What if my dd became very sick and her older half sister could save her life? What if my youngest dd got sick and my dd could save her? Would I be so desperate to ask them to be so selfless to give away an organ? Would I be willing to risk their health and safety to save their sibling? As a parent I would give my life to protect each of them without a second thought.

I honestly don't think I could ask that of them (step or bio). As an adult I understand the risks and would accept that risk for myself alone but I really don't think I could put that on a child, even if they were old enough and willing.

Has anyone here ever thought of these situations? What do you think you might do if you were the dad and sm or the bm?

http://mobile.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/19593038/I_am_not_letting_my_DD_donate_a_kidney_to_her_half_sister?next=1

*I just thought this would be a fresh topic for discussion in this group instead of the normal evil step mom and crazy bm posts
by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 11:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

 That's a tough one.  I'd hope to never be in that position but if they child was old enough to fully understand and they wanted to, 100% of their own accord, I might allow it.  It would be my last resort, though. And I would never ASK them to do it or pressure them in anyway.  It would have to come from them.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 1:36 PM
2 moms liked this

That is a tough one, I have two children and it would be a tough decision to make between them but I wouldn't expect that of a half sibling.

oldproatthis
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 1:44 PM

Quick question...to even know if she's a match TONS of invasive testing has to be done, inpatient testing. Living renal transplant is a huge process. How could this dad get this done on weekends without a sole custody mom knowing...I'm smelling a drama thread...suspect you may have been taken in. I work in healthcare. This is huge. One of my good friends tried recently to match for her mom...could ONLY be seen and worked up at the recipients center. She had to fly from Texas to Michigan to have all the testing done. Don't see how dad and SM could have sprung it on mom that "she's a perfect match".

DDDaysh
by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 1:47 PM

I have actually thought through this one alot because DS has a sister who is chronically ill.  It's certainly not an easy answer. 

In some ways you want to say "no".  But, the thing is, she's DS's sister.  Who am I to tell him he should just let his sister die?  What if I forbid him and she did die?  That would be awful! 

On the other hand, what if I let him, and something happened to him later in life that made that a very bad decision.  At 10, he's hardly old enough to really understand such ramifications. 

If it was bone marrow or something he could give that would be painful, but not necessarily any more dangerous than the general risks of anesthesia, I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't let him do it.  But if it was something that put his life in real danger...  I guess we'll have to cross that bridge if we get there. 

DDDaysh
by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 1:49 PM

Slightly off topic, but I know that DS's little brother's mother banked his chord blood specifically in case it was needed for their older sister.  It was something we'd really wanted to do with DS too, but simply didn't have the money to cover at that point in time.  This isn't quite the same, obviously, but it's a related topic. 

oldproatthis
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Just looked at the American Academy of Pediatrics. I think you got taken by a troll. The Academy's stance on pediatric living donation...pretty much limited to bone marrow...for leukemias, it regenerates and is of limited risk to the donor. Solid organ donation is restricted in minors. Only a handful of individual cases have been approved in the US. Case by case basis only...and likely only for direct siblings.

No way this dad and SM could have sprung this on mom

Here's the American Academy of Pediatrics publication link for you...

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/122/2/454.full.pdf

I'm a very skeptical person...

Regards,

Me

Let us know how the post goes down.

buttercup627
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 2:17 PM
I'm not really interested in the validity of the post after reading a lot of the comments I got the feeling it was a troll or at the very least exaggerated. It just made me think about how I might deal with it if, God forbid, I was in a similar situation.

Quoting oldproatthis:

Quick question...to even know if she's a match TONS of invasive testing has to be done, inpatient testing. Living renal transplant is a huge process. How could this dad get this done on weekends without a sole custody mom knowing...I'm smelling a drama thread...suspect you may have been taken in. I work in healthcare. This is huge. One of my good friends tried recently to match for her mom...could ONLY be seen and worked up at the recipients center. She had to fly from Texas to Michigan to have all the testing done. Don't see how dad and SM could have sprung it on mom that "she's a perfect match".

buttercup627
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 2:22 PM
That's exactly my thinking also. I'm hoping we never have to face this because I would be so torn.

Quoting DDDaysh:

I have actually thought through this one alot because DS has a sister who is chronically ill.  It's certainly not an easy answer. 

In some ways you want to say "no".  But, the thing is, she's DS's sister.  Who am I to tell him he should just let his sister die?  What if I forbid him and she did die?  That would be awful! 

On the other hand, what if I let him, and something happened to him later in life that made that a very bad decision.  At 10, he's hardly old enough to really understand such ramifications. 

If it was bone marrow or something he could give that would be painful, but not necessarily any more dangerous than the general risks of anesthesia, I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't let him do it.  But if it was something that put his life in real danger...  I guess we'll have to cross that bridge if we get there. 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know about a kidney because you can live without kidneys. but something like bone marrow, yes, I would allow my child to donate bone marrow to save a sibling, or probably any child.

I think the greatest thing we can do on earth, is save a life. I would not rob my child of that opportunity to save a life. 

buttercup627
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 2:26 PM
I wanted to do that with both my girls but it's so expensive and our doctor kind of talked us out of it. He went over the statistics of how many people actually end up using their cord blood and the fact that neither of us have a family history of medical issues we wouldn't likely need it. Of course part of me still wishes we had but it's too little to late now :/

Quoting DDDaysh:

Slightly off topic, but I know that DS's little brother's mother banked his chord blood specifically in case it was needed for their older sister.  It was something we'd really wanted to do with DS too, but simply didn't have the money to cover at that point in time.  This isn't quite the same, obviously, but it's a related topic. 

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