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Deadbeat DH?

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:20 PM
  • 46 Replies
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The way some people talk on this site, all DH's are deadbeats who have nothing to do with their kids and leave SM to raise them.  That's not my experience and I'm just wondering if my husband is the exception.  DH is extremely involved with SS.  He does homework, coaches sports teams, goes to all EC's, spends quality time with him and is in general just a good Dad.  It's saddening to think there are so many Dad's who don't take care of their kids.

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:21 PM

 my SO is like yours. he coaches football, helps with homework, does the transport, deals with the kids and deals with BM.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:24 PM
Your husband is not a dead beat dad. Hell my ex who does none of those things you listed isn't even considered a dead beat dad because 1. He takes his visitation 2. He pays child support. So if a dad is not doing those two things - then sure he is a dead beat dad. I've not seen any posters on here say their husbands are dead beats. It's quite the opposite in this forum.

(Unless you are referring to a different forum)
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whatIknownow
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:24 PM
3 moms liked this

This site attracts unhappy SMs. The happy SMs are less likely to post here.  Among unhappy SMs, the lack of involvment of their DH is a common contributor to the problem. That is why you have so many SMs posting here that their DHs leave the work to them.  I dont think it necessarily reflects the majority of SMs in the general population.

It is very sad that there are so many Dads who leave the work to their wives. 

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:25 PM
No he's not the exception. You get all kinds on here.
twinklebites
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this

A lot of women on here post " BM and SK" problems when in reality ther are DH problems, but even with a good DH , BM can cause lots of grief!

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:29 PM
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I wouldn't call a dad who has custody or a dad who takes his visitation and pays CS a dead beat. However, if a dad is too busy to spend time with his kids or care for his kids he's not a good dad. And we do tend to see quite a few posts where a SM says she does everything and dad does nothing. That's not a dead beat dad, that's a crappy dad.

A dad should use his parenting time, whether or not he is the CP, to PARENT his child/children. That's not to say SM can't help,  but dad should be just that, a dad.

Personally, I couldn't imagine being married to a person who didn't want to parent his children. 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:41 PM
Nope that's how my dh is. He is and always has been very involved with dss school and activities even when he was ncp.
pepper504
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:51 PM

I think that if I was the type of person to just take over and "parent" another person's child, I would be taken advantage of with regards to same.  This SM has made her DH responsible for his kid when it was/is SS15's time with us.  I have my OWN kid to deal with and even if I didn't, SS is not my kid and he has two parents. 


amomynous_j
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:03 PM

you're not alone. my SO is very involved. his sons live with us, and it's BM who has them EOWE. he does all their day-to-day care, and i help where he needs it, which isn't often. =)

EricaG87
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:11 PM
My dh and my ex are both excellent dads
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