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sad step mom

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:29 PM
  • 63 Replies

Hello,

I have been a step mom for 14+ years to 2 boys.  I love them as if they were my own and they are mine in my heart, but their egg donor mother makes this very difficult.  She has brainwashed these boys their whole life.  The oldest boy is 19 and the other son is 15.  She is a spiteful conniving brainwashing worthless....

Their dad has had custody of the boys since the youngest was 18 months old and the oldest was 5 yrs old. 

I am at wits end with all the stuff she tells them and turning them against us.  we have neer talked bad about her to them or to anyone in front of them.  Unlike what she does!

The 19 yr old moved out when he was 17, didnt want to go by any rules.  He stays wherever whenever...  I think the 15 yr old is going to do the same.  He is becoming very physical and so on.  He always says, she said this or she said that. ....

We have 2 children together and they are learning all this negative behavior, the only difference is these children are mine and I can and do discipline them!

Please help, ask any questions.

Thank u

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:30 PM
3 moms liked this

If she is only an egg donor, how can she have had the power to brainwash them?

sadstepmom02
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:37 PM

She is their birth mother, sees him 3 hrs during the week, every other weekend and talks on the phone. 

korra2013
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:38 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like they are being teenagers. There is nothing you can do with the 17 year old. He is already an adult practically. Without knowing your whole history all we can do is speculate. Obviously you aren't their mom because their mom is still very much around and talking to them. They are old enough to know right and wrong. You may see yourself as mom but you aren't, and they are letting you know by their behavior. Mom will always be mom, her behavior doesn't change that. She may not be a good one but she is still their mom. No matter what you say you can't change that. Leave those boys alone and let their dad take care of them. They have lived with you for a long time. They should know who you are as a person by now. So it begs the question..what can she possibly be saying to them? What is it about you they don't like?
sadstepmom02
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:43 PM

He is 19 now.

I will not let them disrespect me, my children or anyone else.  I have been there she has not.  And this is my home as well!!  She is not a big part of their lives.  Only when it is something that she can cause drama, problems or bribe them with.  And they call me mom, I have been the one that has cared for them, made sure they had birthday parties at school and so on!!  NOT HER!!   Their dad does and always has taken care of them!!

kristinbugg
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:49 PM
2 moms liked this
BM is their mother. You are not and never will be. This should not be news to you.

You are attempting to take BM's place. SSs have made it abundantly clear that they do not want you to be their mother. Respect their wishes and leave them alone.

You are the person who is being disrespectful in this situation.
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:49 PM
2 moms liked this
Your dads wife, not mom. From their behavior it's obvious that is how they see it and don't want you forcing yourself on them.
whatIknownow
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:51 PM

I guess the bond that a mother has with her children is so strong, that even with this limited contact, she remains their mother and the most important influence in their life.

Quoting sadstepmom02:

She is their birth mother, sees him 3 hrs during the week, every other weekend and talks on the phone. 


kristinbugg
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this
She's not a part of their lives? Yet, by YOUR admission, she sees them three hours per week, in the weekends and speaks to them on the phone. For someone who is not part of HER children's lives, BM certainly sees and speaks to them quite a bit.

Quoting sadstepmom02:

He is 19 now.


I will not let them disrespect me, my children or anyone else.  I have been there she has not.  And this is my home as well!!  She is not a big part of their lives.  Only when it is something that she can cause drama, problems or bribe them with.  And they call me mom, I have been the one that has cared for them, made sure they had birthday parties at school and so on!!  NOT HER!!   Their dad does and always has taken care of them!!

sid1083
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:54 PM

If the 19 y/o moved out and is so disrespectful, why do you allow him to treat your home as a hotel? Staying as he pleases?

Thanks, no thanks. 

sadstepmom02
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:59 PM

I have never forced my self on them!  I know kids will be kids, but when they think its ok to break all the rules anywhere they go, that has nothing to do with me being their step mom,  when the 19 yr old now, would hit on his brother 15 now, he got disiplined for that.  Now the 15 yr old thinks its ok to do that to his 9 yr old brother and his 13 yr old sister...not gonna happen.  He says they need to man up.  How does that kind of behavior have anything to do with me being their step mom?  The 15 yr old tell me good night I love you, mom see ya in the morning, but he has a hard time when he comes back from her house!!  I am not blaming the boys for all of their behavior.  But there comes a time when they have to use their own brain and do what is right, in whatever situation is.   When they introduce us to their friends , its this is my dad and mom, not dad and step-mom.

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