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BM is the one overstepping. She is NOT welcome. Period.

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:33 PM
  • 211 Replies

I am new to this site, and have read some interesting posts.  I am not a new SM.  In fact, I don't really consider myself a SM at all.  I am the THE ONLY Mother of my home. My situation is a little different, and I have posted it on a couple of different threads.

Background:

I do have a SD12.  We never see her.  We used to, but BM is impossible.  She is one of those lazy, worthless welfare moms who refuses to work and is always demanding a handout.  Especially from DH (not at the moment, but when it comes time to petition the state again she will be on it).  Then cuss him if he actually tries to SEE the child...heaven forbid. 

DH was never married to this woman. He was involved with her shortly before he and I met.  She is a manipulative bit** who was only looking to trap him.  She succeeded in holding him hostage financially (CS).  He didn't want a committment with this woman, and made that clear from day one.  She claimed to want the same.  She was married at the time to another one of her baby daddies.  He is a deadbeat, so I guess she was looking to hook someone who she could actually 'support' her lazy ass.  My DH was raised with great work ethic, so to super welfare mom that means $$$ if she can find a way to trap him.  So she convinced him that she was newly 'separated' from her husband and on an IUD.  She promised him he had nothing to worry about.  She lied. 

It didn't take long for my future DH to catch her going back and forth between him and the man she was already married to (few short months).  He broke up with her.

A few weeks later, he and I met.  Several months into our relationship, this crazy woman called to say she had his baby.  DH thought there is no way.  It has to belong to her husband.  Nope, blood test said child belonged to DH.  He was devastated and felt incredibly betrayed and that his wishes had been violated in the worst way. He apologized repeatedly for ever getting involved with this crazy nutcase.  It is the biggest regret of his life. 

Look, I know mistakes happen.  People learn from them and move on.  You play the hand you're dealt.  He should never have gotten involved with someone like that.  Now he will spend the rest of his life paying for it.

He and I decided to embrace the child and do the best we could.  BM wasn't having it.  She wanted DH and was out to make me look like a homewrecker. Even though she was MARRIED to someone else during the time of conception, and by the time SD was born she was BACK WITH HER HUSBAND!  A man she already had a child with! 

Well, she settled down after a few months.  SD was about a year and a half old when DH and I got married.  

BM didn't give too many problems for the next couple of years except a few obvious and desperate plays to get DH's attention.  SD was at this time calling her mom's actual husband "Daddy", and DH was called by his first name.  He did get SD to eventually call him 'Daddy' too, but never did anything about her calling her SF that.  Didn't want to deal with that can of worms.

Then a light bulb switched again.  She was back to accusing him of planning a child with her and then abandoning his "family" that they created together.  She got to where she was so scorned and hateful that she decided if she couldn't have him, then we shouldn't either. 

When SD was 3, BM convinced her to go in and accuse DH of sexual abuse.  It was horrible.  

Of course he didn't and was cleared, but this is the stuff we have been dealing with throughour SD's entire life.

So, I went off on BM.  Told her that she is never to expect anything kind from us.  We will deal with her on a business level only with SD.  We refused to be on a personal level with her whatsoever.  This infuriated her.  She told me that DH should respect her and and comminucate with her on a more 'friendly' level than that, because SHE is the MOTHER of his CHILD!!!

I told her, "I am the mother of 2 of his children.  You are a threat to our family, and you are not welcome in our home, on our property, and all communication will be documented.  You will never speak 'person' to 'person' with DH again.  Period." 

by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:49 PM
3 moms liked this

How does your DH feel about this?  Did his not seeing his daughter start when you told BM off?  Why is he not pursuing visitation?

LeKendria
by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:53 PM
WOW! That's a lot to tackle. Although BM seems to be a handful she also seems to be a woman scorn. For her to lay down with your husband inthe first place says there had to of been some type of relationship regardless to what he said. I don't think she would make up him saying they were going to have a baby together. Imo. It just seems like at one point he wanted her then he realized you were better and went a different route. She misses what she had and sees what she could have and it brings pain to her and like a child she lashes out. Dont stoop to her level. Allow her the time she needs no matter how long because its about his daughter not you him or the BM.
LeKendria
by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Also, all he has to do is contact the courts and let them know she is going against the cs order and will not allow him to see his child. That's a felony here in tex. Or he could go to the residence on the days of visitation and call the police when she doesn't allow sd to go with him and he needs to ask for a report each time unil he gets at least 5 to take to the courts.
Abby_Jones
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:01 AM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting Birdseed:

How does your DH feel about this?  Did his not seeing his daughter start when you told BM off?  Why is he not pursuing visitation?

He doesn't see much hope for this situation.  He was the original one who told her off.  He didn't use as nice of words as I did though.  We have spend thousands in court.  BM is really good at playing the system and knowing what to say.  Judges always seem to have a bleeding heart for her.  She gets away with it.  She will follow the CO if she knows she is being watched, but then turns right back around and does the same old crap again.  It is exhausting.

We cannot afford to keep fighting like that.  If she cannot put her emotions aside and do what is right for her child, then she is the problem.  Not us.  That's how we see it.   

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:02 AM
14 moms liked this

you actually believe all those lines your husband fed you? ayy vay. 

a simple solution to all this drama would be to ignore her. don't engage her. who cares if she accuses DH of "abandoning her family"?

SHE is NOT a threat to your family. YOU are allowing her to cause conflict in your home life, by giving her words power. just let them roll off your shoulders, and let ONLY dh deal with her. 

notquitethirty
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:06 AM
1 mom liked this

BM will NEVER quit.  Your only option is to go t#hrough the courts, and ALWAYS have a third party to supervise him and child, because she will NEVER EVER EVER stop.  #beenthere

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:08 AM
4 moms liked this

I'd not let my kid around you either.

Abby_Jones
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:16 AM
3 moms liked this

 

Quoting packermom4ever:

I'd not let my kid around you either.

I've read a lot of what you've said.   You are very biased against SM's.  VERY. 

Mommyto3band1g
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:21 AM

I would come up with more money to try to get 50/50 custody of my kid. I would also document everything, all phone calls, all texts, even facebook posts if you can see them.

Abby_Jones
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:21 AM

 It wasn't just DH telling me that.  HER own family told me what she did.  It is a long story, and I don't expect most to understand.  Her own family doesn't talk to her because of the way she is. 

I care that she teaches SD that DH was so irresponsible that he would do such a thing to an innocent child.  He is not that type of person.

Quoting wise.toes:

you actually believe all those lines your husband fed you? ayy vay. 

a simple solution to all this drama would be to ignore her. don't engage her. who cares if she accuses DH of "abandoning her family"?

SHE is NOT a threat to your family. YOU are allowing her to cause conflict in your home life, by giving her words power. just let them roll off your shoulders, and let ONLY dh deal with her. 

 

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