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Visitation vs extracurricular activities

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 8:08 AM
  • 13 Replies
I'm new here. I'm Bm of 4 and sm of 3.

Bm has primary physical custody of 4 year old. They have joint legal. Bm lives 12 hours away (she moved and yes dh tried fighting it). Visitation will be based upon school schedule.

dh would have about 6 days during winter break.
Dh would have about 5 days during spring break.
6 weeks summertime starting the Weekend before Father's Day. (Schedule would be adjusted to when child is out of school when he starts school in a year, school lets out week before Father's Day) This year it is from June 8-July 20. Child goes back to school after Labor Day (mom would have 6.5 weeks).

Total visitation days 52-53 days a year.

Bm last night said she wants summer visitation to change due she wants the child to play sports. Also she said she won't be able to vacation during the summer (not quite sure about that seeing as she gets 6.5 weeks during summer).

Dh is very upset because his time is limited as it is with his son. He told Bm that he could play sports during the school year with her and he could be involved with sport activities with dh during his visitation time.
She wants dh to lose Father's Day. He already loses Veterans Day (he's a veteran), both his bday and the child's bday, Memorial Day, Halloween, thanksgiving.

They have a court date in August to finalize future visitation schedule. Our lawyer said he doubts a judge will make him give up or change visitation especially when it is around Father's Day. Dh doesn't want his son to miss things but there are many activities where we live that run during the summer visitation time he would be visiting. We live in a very kid friendly activity area.

We do have a lawyer. Anyone with any positive tidbits I could pass on to dh to help his case?

Thank you






by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 8:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 8:38 AM
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The kid is only 4? Visitation first! In his later years EC's will start to get in the way. But certainly not at 4 years old.

Bm4sm3
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 8:58 AM
That's what I was going to say. I split from my ex when my kids were 12, 10 and 8. The older kids had activities so my ex would take time with the younger one not making the older kids miss activities.

My dh has 2 other sons who are older. They visit for most of the summer but we sign them up at the Rec center for stuff all summer which is what we can do for the younger one.

Dh wants to teach his 4 year old how to swim with swim lessons this summer.

Dh told Bm maybe she should of thought about all this when she moved away last year.

Quoting baparrot2:

The kid is only 4? Visitation first! In his later years EC's will start to get in the way. But certainly not at 4 years old.

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Feb. 13, 2014 at 9:01 AM
2 moms liked this
this, the kid needs to spend time with dad

Quoting baparrot2:

The kid is only 4? Visitation first! In his later years EC's will start to get in the way. But certainly not at 4 years old.

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 9:10 AM
1 mom liked this

visitation comes first! i've actually had to reschedule an EC for my dd b/c it interefered with her father's visitation.

....ClvrScn.
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 9:36 AM

My step daughter is 6. BM moved 6 hours away this past August. We have pretty much the same visitation schedule, but summer is just 6 weeks - father to have first choice of which weeks.

So DH tells BM we will be there on SD's last day of school, to pick her up after school.

BM is now having a tantrum because she wants SD to do competitive gymnastics. This child has never in life been in a gymnastics studio, she is not prepared to compete.

I found gymnastics classes here for only 20 dollars a week. BM isn't having it. She doesn't want "your wife" to be involved in anything.

What she fails to understand is that I work, more than DH. I have more responsibilities than DH and my primary concern is that my son gets to play baseball this year. DH will be responsible for gymnastics!

Whatever, they are just going to keep fighting about it. I'm done with it all

Good luck to you

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I love it when posters write what I was going to say first.

This!

Activities come later and most summer activities are camps that improve skills or just to introduce them to keep kids active during the summer. It is either hardcore for select teams or very laid back.

There is plenty of time for her to enroll in other activities that won't impede his time. I would ask to see the enrollment and program information for this activity, just because I'd show there are other programs she could pick later that would not impact the visitation.

Quoting baparrot2:

The kid is only 4? Visitation first! In his later years EC's will start to get in the way. But certainly not at 4 years old.

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Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:26 AM
2 moms liked this

Maybe a compromise would be to write something into the visitation/CO right now that when the child enters 6th grade/turns 12 or 14 or whatever, both parties agree to discuss modifying the schedule to accommodate ECs?

The kid is 4.  At best we're talking some bumblebee YMCA soccer or TBall or something.  Those things can be done with Dad in the summer--or Mom in the summer.  But that shouldn't come before visitation.

Sports schedules do affect the time that kids have available to visit as they get older, but at 4?  In grade school even?  Nah.

cdrainey3
by Cher on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this

My ss mom puts him in ec's constantly. I swear she does it, so he will be with her more. He's 10, so he's definately getting to the age where he loves football. But she put him in a very competative basketball league this year. In November the poor kid was practicing 5 nights a week. He told us, he didn't want to come over during the week anymore, because he just wants one night where he can play with his friends. His grades are horrible, but bm just keeps pushing him. I honestly feel like it's a strategy to keep him with her for longer periods. We only live 30 min from bm, but it's enough, to make it hard to get to things. We have a family we are running and we are busy with our two boys and my work schedule sucks, so we can't take ss to all of his sports and bm knows this. We talked with our lawyer and there's nothing we can do about it. Ec's trump parent time. I don't understand it. So when he's a teenager and playing sports like he is and very into friends, basically we won't see him at all. Bm knows it and she's loving it. oh well, I guess if a mother really wants that for her child she will just have to reep what she sows. 

I think in your situation, though, with the child only being 4 and it's Summer time you guys would win. There are no sports in the Summer. They are usually camps or simple things that could easily be done at your home. My son is  5 and he hardly pays attention when he's playing a sport. Half the time he's looking at the wall. Sports are easy and simple for that age for a reason! I wouldn't be afraid and fight while he's younger, because when he's older the judge will side with the EC's. good luck!

owl0210
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

Visitation trumps extracurricular activities. I would never schedule nor could I legally schedule activities during my ex-husband's parenting time and vice versa.

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:59 PM
This

Quoting baparrot2:

The kid is only 4? Visitation first! In his later years EC's will start to get in the way. But certainly not at 4 years old.

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