Desperate & in need of some reasonable mature advice
I am a new step mom to a 5 year old son. His dad & I are to be married in October 2014. This will be his 2nd marriage & my first. BM & him divorced b/c she cheated and left a video of herself and another man having sex in the son's diaper bag (wreckless). My fiance is in the military and I am in healthcare. Due to him being in the military, BM, has full custody of the son. BM also has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship.
Fast forward to the present, I moved from northern NJ to Philly to live with my fiance in April 2013. It was great, we got along well, it was a real happy period in my life. He proposed in August and since then we've been planning a wedding. This past summer, BM agrees to letting my fiance have his son stay with us the entire summer. A month into him staying she decides she wants him back b/c she decided to move to TN b/c she couldn't find a "job" in VA (*side note, BM has moved every year for the past 4 years w/in the MD, VA area where her kids have had to start a new school every year). My fiance sends him back. She moves to TN in August and in December decides she's leaving TN to move in with her god mother in TX. The reason for that move was b/c it didn't work out with a boyfriend in TN, not the "job". While in TX, she moved again back home to MD b/c it wasn't working out w/her godmother. She then contacts my fiance and asks him if he can keep his son with us till the school year is over. He agrees and has temp custody of his son.
Now the issue here is that the BM has no boundaries. My fiance and I constantly have to rearrange our lives, work schedule to accomodate her everytime she decides to leave us with his son. We have to scramble quickly to find after care and school for his son. She isnt' working and is staying with a friend at her friends' house with her daughter. She calls every 4 days or so then sometimes everyday & texting him at 9-10pm to find out how her son is doing. where were u all day?! WE are all sleeping and that is not an appropriate time to text someone. When she wants to see him, he drives to meet her 1/2 way in MD. This week, she decided that she wants to call every night to pray with her son. We pray with him at night and I feel it's a bit much. Im feeling as if she is calling all the shots and he has no say as to whether what is allowed and what isnt. Every few days when I get home I have to hear about something that she wants for us to do and I am sick of it. We are capable of taking care of the child and he is in a stable loving environment. Why doesn't she back off? and why is he letting her call the shots in OUR home?!