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Wedding etiquette

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:42 PM
  • 35 Replies

My step-son is getting married.  We have a good, friendly relationship.  I absolutely adore the lady he has chosen to be his wife.

Here is my question (sorry it is so long),

I have two daughters of my own, and one step-daughter (biological sister of groom).

I want to give them a Stock The Bar Shower and the bride to be is delighted with this idea.

My two daughters want to help.

My step-daughter thinks that apparently I am trying to take over her mother's duties (I guess).

My step-daughter told me under no circumstances did she want me to give them a shower and leave their family out.

I have no intentions of leaving their family out (mother of the groom, aunt, uncles, cousins, etc.)

Should I contact the biological mother and ask if she wants to help out with the shower?

I have no idea why my step-daughter is acting like this as we have always had a very good relationship.

What should I do?

Thank you in advance for helping me out.

Pip1952

 

 

by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:51 PM

I do not know what relationship you have with the bm, but I would be pissed if the SM in my situation did this. Apparently your SD feels the same way. This should have been discussed with BM prior to talking to the bride. Maybe the mother is already planning something and the SD knows.

JuneCleaver256
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:55 PM
I think you were just trying to be nice, no one ever said she can't have two showers if her bm decided to throw her one. I'd still call bm and see if she's okay with it and SD can deal..
jlg12678
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Why is your stepdaughter so concerned about this? It's not her wedding.

If you all get along, call the biomom and invite her/their family to assist or attend...whatever they prefer.

Shouldn't be an issue in my book.

SM36477
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:01 PM

 Parents shouldn't be the ones to give the happy couple a shower, it is traditional considered to be tasteless.

With that said, if your SS wants you to give them a Stock the Bar, go for it.  It's about what the couple wants, not what BM wants.  Since they are getting married, I am assuming they are adults with the ability to make their own choices and if they choose for you to throw them a Stock the Bar, do it.  My Stock the Bar was by far my favorite shower, more of a party than a shower.

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 Most of the time when a SM oversteps is because they are trying to be nice. Most do not think oh how can I piss off BM today they just want to do something nice for the kids. However there are things you start to think about when you are pregnant and have a kid. This is one of them. I know that if my kid gets married I will have certain responsibilities. It sounds like the BM is involved, so yes she would get to do this stuff before SM. Talking to her before hand lets you know if you are going to overstep but as it is BMs son, BM is involved with son, BM gets first dibs. That is like saying a stepdad can walk a daughter down the aisle before the Dad. That is in most instances the Dad's job not the stepdad.

Quoting JuneCleaver256: I think you were just trying to be nice, no one ever said she can't have two showers if her bm decided to throw her one. I'd still call bm and see if she's okay with it and SD can deal..

 

AmyB118
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:03 PM
Why can't there be more than one shower? I know of plenty of brides that have multiple showers.

Quoting FreedomTruth:

 Most of the time when a SM oversteps is because they are trying to be nice. Most do not think oh how can I piss off BM today they just want to do something nice for the kids. However there are things you start to think about when you are pregnant and have a kid. This is one of them. I know that if my kid gets married I will have certain responsibilities. It sounds like the BM is involved, so yes she would get to do this stuff before SM. Talking to her before hand lets you know if you are going to overstep but as it is BMs son, BM is involved with son, BM gets first dibs. That is like saying a stepdad can walk a daughter down the aisle before the Dad. That is in most instances the Dad's job not the stepdad.


Quoting JuneCleaver256: I think you were just trying to be nice, no one ever said she can't have two showers if her bm decided to throw her one. I'd still call bm and see if she's okay with it and SD can deal..

 

AmyB118
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:04 PM
Have you spoken to BM about it? What type of relationship do you all have?
whatIknownow
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:11 PM

It sounds like the SD is afraid you will leave out her mom's family.

I would not invite the mom to "help out", but I would invite her to the shower and ask her for a list of relatives that she thinks should be there, and their contact info.

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:11 PM

Usually when there is multiple showers there is a friends shower and a family shower. Or multiple showers because the families cannot be in the same room. Not because a SM oversteps. Go talk to BM. It may not be a big deal. However in my opinion yes you did overstep.

whatIknownow
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:12 PM

this is true. But so many of them do it nowadays.

Quoting SM36477:

 Parents shouldn't be the ones to give the happy couple a shower, it is traditional considered to be tasteless.



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