Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Because apparently the SD16 updates will never end..ER bill details

Posted by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 8:57 AM
  • 30 Replies
DH went to see SD16 and MIL this weekend. (For those who don't know my situation, I'll put a brief catch up at the end of this) He went for a visit and to get the details of the nearly $8000 in bills we have received in the last two weeks. Insurance will likely resolve all of it, but at this point he wants to know why she was there. The only things the ER billing department has said was 'Chief complaint was vertigo'. Ready? Three weeks after her release from the inpatient facility, SD was there for taking all of her medication at once in a suicide attempt! That they did not tell DH about and never intended to tell him about!! They thought it would cause him to pull her out of MIL's care and bring her back to our home (no) or another hospital (yes). It is unclear if they told the hospital it was a suicide attempt. Before anyone says anything, it is a grey area about whether her therapist needed to inform him - her caregiver was informed and MIL may have told the therapist that DH was informed. The therapist is being called today and a meeting is being set for our house, AWAY from MIL and SD.

SD is not doing well. DH is waiting to determine how bad it is when he talks to the therapist. SD's view is distorted by the bipolar, as are her interactions, I believe. The entire situation is a mess! In three months, she is on her THIRD romantic involvement! The first resulted in social isolation since the love interest of a cheerleader friend asked her out instead of the cheerleader and she is now banished from that group - this is SD's version. Since she was not allowed to date, why was she flirting enough for anyone to ask her out? The second one was a girl - being denied permission to date her is what triggered the suicide attempt (so that's two romances in three weeks home/ two weeks of school!). She had some guy threaten her and was too afraid to go to one class, so that is now done on computer. She is taking other cyber classes to graduate early. Everyone is happy about this - of course she wants to graduate early! Every time she dates a boy, she LOVES him instantly and plans to move put with him as soon as she turns 18!!! There is more...there is always more....
I don't know that I need advice or sympathy or anything...I just needed to get it out. For our marriage and family to be able to move forward, we had this child go to a 'better home for her', as MIL told us. This crap didn't happen here!!!!!!!! The worst day was NEVER this bad here!!!!!

Background: SD16 came to live with us when she was 11 from BM. DH was LD dad with ten weeks of visitation per year. SD has told about abuse from SF and neglect from BM who was bipolar/schizo affective. SD immediately began multiple therapies to address wide ranging issues. She was very resistant to participating. As she got older, more issues emerged. BM died in an incredibly drawn out mentally ill way that screwed her up more. BM's parents are alcoholics and have done their own damage to SD. MIL hates HopesNDreams, is not a nice person and did more than her fair share of neglectful/abusive parenting to DH. However, she has always been a caring, if odd, GM to SD.
SD coming back to our home is NOT an option:
1. She has caused significant emotional damage to the teens who still live there.
2. DH owns his own business, works nights and weekends, and is not available to parent or participate in therapy.
3. Emotionally, SD cannot blame any of the adults who have actually failed her in life, including DH, so she blames Hopes. MIL encourages this.
4. CPS case manager has said that when SD is unstable, such as now, she represents a danger to the two toddlers in the house.
5. DH was offered the option of moving out with SD, without a divorce, until such time as she could manage on her own.
by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 8:57 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 8:59 AM
1 mom liked this

Fuck hope, I'm sorry you guys are going thru that, your husband needs to get her somewhere safe grandma isn't cutting it.

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 11:18 AM
1 mom liked this
We are currently not talking about it for our own sanity. I think we need to look into programs for her to have on stand by for the inevitable breakdown that is coming. He knew they would lie to him if things went wrong, we just didn't think it would be so soon.

Guess this shoots to hell the theory that I am the problem!!!! LMAO!!! I know, it's not funny, but I did have to say it.


Quoting amantonacci:

Fuck hope, I'm sorry you guys are going thru that, your husband needs to get her somewhere safe grandma isn't cutting it.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry. 

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 11:28 AM

good plan.  but don't worry. I'm sure they'll find some way to make it your fault... They wouldn't want to leave you out.

Quoting HopesNDreams: We are currently not talking about it for our own sanity. I think we need to look into programs for her to have on stand by for the inevitable breakdown that is coming. He knew they would lie to him if things went wrong, we just didn't think it would be so soon.

Guess this shoots to hell the theory that I am the problem!!!! LMAO!!! I know, it's not funny, but I did have to say it.


Quoting amantonacci:

Fuck hope, I'm sorry you guys are going thru that, your husband needs to get her somewhere safe grandma isn't cutting it.


AmyB118
by NA Rocks on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:10 PM
We had similar issues with oss22. He was diagnosed over the course of his lifetime with ADD, ADHD, BiPolar with a Mood disorder, ODD, and a myriad of other things I can it remember at this moment. He was inpatient at two hospitals and spent time in juvenile detention. He was sentenced to a group home once and was on juvenile probation which was a joke. Everything is always someone else's fault. He doesn't lose jobs bc of anything he may do. In fact he's such a wonderful employee that once he's found a new job within two weeks they are promoting him to management. Lmao. Generally shortly after his "promotion" he loses said job bc they are mean to him or have cut his hours and he doesn't know why. SMDH.

At one point I gave DH the option of getting an apartment for just the two of them without fear of divorce bc SS is too volatile to allow in ours or BMs home. It's a mess. Always better if he's not around. When he and DH make up after he's committed some perceived sin against SS I cringe bc it's never long before sss chaos enters out lives. He too lives with MIL. she insists that BM and DH are substandard parents bc they didn't give in to SSs every whim. Then complains when he runs roughshod over her life.

Currently he's unmedicated and I assume will remain thusly. He had his first child a year ago January. He and his now ex GF have been on again off again. He's a user and found an easy mark in her. She'd do anything in the world for him. Both sponged off MIL for a bit. GF is a good person when she's not with OSS. The straw that broke the camels back was when GF came home from working overnight at her convenience store job only to find OSS in bed with another girl. Yep. Didn't even have the common curtosy to have the girl leave before GF got home. And THEN was incensed that everyone made a big deal over it. Sigh. He was NOT raised this way in EITHER household. He's a scumbag. GF finally got away from him. Although it hurt her to the core we've talked and like I told her I think this was the only way she'd have gotten away from him. To see him in this state with her own too eyes. She's agreed.

I feel for you. I really do. We've ALL had to disengage from him. BM and SF included. Of course OSS thinks we are all shit and should just allow his bad behavior. And we've all told him he's quite capable of acting any way he wants he just has to do this without our participation.

Quoting HopesNDreams: We are currently not talking about it for our own sanity. I think we need to look into programs for her to have on stand by for the inevitable breakdown that is coming. He knew they would lie to him if things went wrong, we just didn't think it would be so soon.



Guess this shoots to hell the theory that I am the problem!!!! LMAO!!! I know, it's not funny, but I did have to say it.




Quoting amantonacci:

Fuck hope, I'm sorry you guys are going thru that, your husband needs to get her somewhere safe grandma isn't cutting it.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:52 PM

I'm so sad for your SD.  Her trajectory reminds me very much of a close family friend who is now deceased.  Suicide at 24.  And of my uncle.  Suicide at 21.  People with this disease just can't always find their way out of the cloud even if they're diligent in their therapy and medication.  Sometimes, it just doesn't work.  And given that your SD has all of these other outside issues (loss of her other, Gma who thinks she doesn't need to be medicated)...it just seems like she may be a lost cause.

I can't even begin to imagine the slowly dawning horror this is for your husband. I think you see it pretty clearly.  But I can imagine that he desperately wants his little girl to be okay and she just isn't.  And may never be. 

I have a hard time understanding why the hospital wouldn't have kept her for observation even if it wasn't declared a suicide attempt--what other reason does one take all of their pills and end up in an ER?  That makes me wonder if A) it's true B) if it's true, how competent the hospital staff are.  Could it be that MIL trumped it up to a suicide attempt to garner some sympathy for taking SD to the hospital for something that was not emergent or completely false?  Something SD made up for attention?

As for you, words cannot express how sad for you I am that this is the way things are turning out for you and your family.  No matter what happens moving forward, there will likely be no happy ending and all of this turmoil and drama will either continue indefinitely or cease when SD finally succeeds in suicide which will put further strain on everyone.

I wish I could be more positive.  But it just doesn't seem realistic.  She is so very ill and seems so determined to destroy herself. It seems like the only "safe" place for her is in an inpatient facility. 

pseudomamma
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:56 PM
I'm so sorry for you. SD#3 is 22 and has been diagnosed bipolar, ADHD, anxiety disorder, anger issues and depression. The difference with her is she is very aware and refuses to go off meds. She sees a therapist weekly, of her own choice. Bless her heart. I don't know where we would be if she fought us.
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 1:09 PM
I wish sometimes that insane asylums were nit a thing of the past... Stay with me while I explain!

Some people even with all the modern mental health care we have can't/won't respond to treatment. Add in toxic family and you have a fucking mess. School shooters, mass murders, parents abusing kids etc etc. The other people in the sick persons life, if they are any left, have to clean up the mess.

I know, my own BM is one. I am fearful that my SD13 may be one also.

When we had places to.put those types of people, without all the insurance BS to deal with, I firmly believe that they were less if a drain on society. The government took away that safety net, without putting anything in place to replace it. I know there were abuses to the system and some of.them.were very very bad. But Look what we have now! No place for the mentally ill to go and a rash of disasters caused by mental illness, and more untreated than ever before!

You are not the problem Hopes. Have never been, and I think you understand that. What is it going to take for MIal and DH to get it..SD actucally harming herself.or another, seriously? Again my thought are with y'all. And I am sorry..
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 5:34 PM
This gave me a smile!
So true... I'm sure the residual damage I cause will cause problems fore DECADES!!!!


Quoting Polkadotted:

good plan.  but don't worry. I'm sure they'll find some way to make it your fault... They wouldn't want to leave you out.

Quoting HopesNDreams: We are currently not talking about it for our own sanity. I think we need to look into programs for her to have on stand by for the inevitable breakdown that is coming. He knew they would lie to him if things went wrong, we just didn't think it would be so soon.



Guess this shoots to hell the theory that I am the problem!!!! LMAO!!! I know, it's not funny, but I did have to say it.




Quoting amantonacci:

Fuck hope, I'm sorry you guys are going thru that, your husband needs to get her somewhere safe grandma isn't cutting it.


HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 6:52 PM
I feel sad for her too. She does not stand a chance. They do not think she is capable of what she is doing and, therofre, she is doing all of it.

I believe the hospital would have released her because she already has a pretty intense level of home care. She can be discharged from that to inpatient with a phone call - as easily as hospital. They are also available 24/7 and may have stayed until she was stable around the clock. We will not know what happened until we speak with them. MIL may also not have told the hospital that SD has a bipolar diagnosis or history of suicide attempts or even that it was an attempt. We just don't know anything at this point.

Ideally, I think she needs to be in a school for emotionally disturbed girls. A setting where there is a therapeutic aspect, but she isn't done until graduation. I don't think MIL has the capacity to keep her safe. I also don't think MIL can be trusted.


Quoting Birdseed:

I'm so sad for your SD.  Her trajectory reminds me very much of a close family friend who is now deceased.  Suicide at 24.  And of my uncle.  Suicide at 21.  People with this disease just can't always find their way out of the cloud even if they're diligent in their therapy and medication.  Sometimes, it just doesn't work.  And given that your SD has all of these other outside issues (loss of her other, Gma who thinks she doesn't need to be medicated)...it just seems like she may be a lost cause.

I can't even begin to imagine the slowly dawning horror this is for your husband. I think you see it pretty clearly.  But I can imagine that he desperately wants his little girl to be okay and she just isn't.  And may never be. 

I have a hard time understanding why the hospital wouldn't have kept her for observation even if it wasn't declared a suicide attempt--what other reason does one take all of their pills and end up in an ER?  That makes me wonder if A) it's true B) if it's true, how competent the hospital staff are.  Could it be that MIL trumped it up to a suicide attempt to garner some sympathy for taking SD to the hospital for something that was not emergent or completely false?  Something SD made up for attention?

As for you, words cannot express how sad for you I am that this is the way things are turning out for you and your family.  No matter what happens moving forward, there will likely be no happy ending and all of this turmoil and drama will either continue indefinitely or cease when SD finally succeeds in suicide which will put further strain on everyone.

I wish I could be more positive.  But it just doesn't seem realistic.  She is so very ill and seems so determined to destroy herself. It seems like the only "safe" place for her is in an inpatient facility. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN