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SD got an Ipod....I freaking HATE it! **Update

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:27 PM
  • 173 Replies

She is glued to that thing, but that isn't why I hate it. She is constantly taking videos and pictures and sending them to her mom and her sister. I feel totally violated. I don't want to wake up first thing on Saturday morning and make sure the house is presentable. It's the weekend, I want two days that I don't have to clean! I don't want people all up in my space! On top of that, she is super weird about it. She has a password (which I don't agree with) and anytime you get too close she hides her phone. What the hell does an 8 year old have to say that can't be seen by her SM or her dad. Doesn't have to be me, but what is she hiding? I'll tell you what she's hiding, she is hiding all the messages she sent BM saying that she wants to go home for stupid ass reasons like her dad said he is going to take away her Ipod. 

I hate the fucking ipod. Am I the only person that thinks an 8 year old has no business having a password protected Ipod capable of internet and texting? What can I do without becoming the evil SM to protect my privacy?



****So I brought all of this to DH's attention and he completely agreed. I'm not sure why he needed me to say something, but we seemed to be on the same page. I let him know that I didn't feel like I even needed to be involved in his conversation with SD. He agreed. THEN, not only did he handle it, but he handled it the second he walked in the door. WHAAAT? LOL It is not like DH at all to take the initiative, but something lit a fire under his butt!

I didn't hear what was said, but his version involved him explaining to SD that he is the adult and that there have to be certain rules put in place to protect her and also to protect our privacy. He said she got really pissed off and cried and swore to never bring her IPod back (LMAO). He let her know that she could bring it or leave it at home, but if she did choose to bring it he would have the password and he would inspect all photos and videos prior to their distribution along with her browser history. Her anger was short lived. He searched her phone twice and didn't find anything inappropriate either time. 

I would have done a couple of things differently, but I kept that to myself. All in all, I think it went pretty well. And when SD text BM about how pissed off she was, saying she wanted to go home, BM laughed and told her she wasn't going anywhere just because her dad made her follow the same rules she had at home. (: Success!

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bunnyxlover
by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:28 PM
20 moms liked this

 change the wifi password in the house, problem solved

weebis
by Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:31 PM
2 moms liked this

Take away the Ipod when she comes to visit and return it when she goes home.  Ipods and cell phones are not necessities and as long as she can still talk to her mom on your husband's phone, you'll be fine.

KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:34 PM
2 moms liked this

What does Dad feel about it? Where is he while all of this is going on?

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:35 PM
I agree kida that age don't need expensive electronics. oss12 doesn't have a phone or ipad or ipod, he survives just fine
Rae706
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:36 PM

She is going to hate me if I cut her off completely. I mean at some point, she was going to start texting, I just wasn't ready so soon and I guess I never considered how invasive it could be. ):

Quoting bunnyxlover:

 change the wifi password in the house, problem solved


mom2boys664
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:37 PM

My ds8 and ss7 both have them, and both have passwords. In their cases, the passwords are protection from each other, lol.  i personally love them because a) the games are free or cheap and don't get lost like the $25 games for their ds, b) I can text or face time them when I have to work late and c) when they lose them i can ping them with my iphone and find them quickly.

That being said, the issue of taking pictures and videos needs to be addressed by dad and some house rules need to be established. Dad can still take it away without knowing the password.

Rae706
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:39 PM

Dad works A LOT. Like he is only home for a few awake hours when SD is here. Except for the weekends and even then he is on call and gone two weekends out of the month. We try to schedule SD's visits for when he is off call, but it doesn't always work out that way. I know the general consensus is to leave things like this up to dad, but both BM and BD throw a lot of responsibility my way when it comes to SD, so I have no problem inserting my opinion on things like this. Even if I were a typical let dad handle everything SM, this is my home and I need to feel comfortable. 

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

What does Dad feel about it? Where is he while all of this is going on?


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:41 PM
2 moms liked this

I was just talking to SIL about this topic this morning.  I hated when SSs were handed their little mini-computers (iTouch's) by BM and DH when they were 9 and 11.  From what I could see, DH was really strict about computer usage and had all sorts of parental controls on the home computer.  But clueless about the capabilities of the iTouch's.

To this day I hate them.  Boys are now 15 and almost 17.

I have no answer to help.  I pointed out to DH the iTouch capability at the time and he was flabbergasted so he put on whatever controls he could but over the years, the tech savvy boys just find work arounds.  And if the parents aren't willing to monitor, I backed off.

It has become clear to me that as much as I adore and love DH as a man, I am infinitely grateful we did not raise children together.  Our parenting is very, very different.

cdrainey3
by Cher on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:42 PM

My ss does that with his ipad. He takes video and pics all the time! I don't want his mom seeing some shit, sorry just dont. Before he leaves I go through it and delete stuff I don't feel like he should of done. He has a password too, and I tell him he needs to tell me or put his ipad away until he goes back to his moms. I don't care if im being mean. That's what I do and there hasn't been an issue. 

oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:44 PM

That's awesome...funny...

OP, this is tough. Not sure how high conflict your BM situation is...but here is an option...you can't control the other home...you might start WWIII if you try to limit contact between SD and BM. But you are right about your right to privacy in your home and boundaries and kids don't inherently understand this unless taught. Use this as a teachable moment for your SD about a couple of things 1. She has rights 2. You have rights 3. She will experience others asserting and negotiating their rights. Her rights I see as this 1. She has a right to communicate with her mom and 2. She has a right to share HER space with her mom. I experienced this with my SD. She wanted BM IN our home to show off our home to her...now BM has assaulted me. This was NOT going to happen. I told her she could take pictures, all she wanted of HER space (meaning HER room and bathroom) to share with her mom but the entirety of home, off limits. That was private to her father and I and was inappropriate. She was not to take pictures of other people without their expressed consent, PERIOD with her device EVER when in our care, everyone has a right to privacy. I am not a maid in the house to live their, care for her and then deal with whatever she just feels like she wants. These were boundaries I expected, that I set, if she could not respect them I would take the device away and it would never return to my home. On this I didn't ask DHs cooperation. I'm an adult with equal rights in my home, my boundaries that I felt were a "hill to die on", so I just set them. I have never had an issue.

I would talk to her. I would allow her to photograph HER space, talk to her mom, but make the communal or parental space off limits to photography and make photographing others with their expressed consent only.

It's a middle ground...she does get to share some with her mom, what her mom really needs to know, which is how her space is and keeps her communicating with her mom while the whole time protecting you and your home.

 

Quoting bunnyxlover:

 change the wifi password in the house, problem solved

 

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