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BM can and needs to butt out of my conversations with teenage SS

Posted by on Feb. 22, 2014 at 11:57 AM
  • 138 Replies
Yeah I already know what the BMs are going to say but I'm a BM too so whatever. We are planning a day out with the kids and I am excited to take my 3 yr old and SS9 to the Children's Museum. Older teenage SS14 texts me and Dad to complain that he goes there with his Mom and 4 yr old sister all the time and suggests going somewhere else, I said no, these are the plans, don't like them then don't come. SS14 keeps suggesting other ideas and I keep saying too bad this is what the plan is, SS14 has never been there with US so look at it that way. Now we are on our way and SS14 gets in the car and says his Mom was reading our whole text message conversation and telling him not to "engage" with me. Really??? Because I don't let your kid call the shots for our weekend plans? Oh I'm sorry BM, next time why don't we just check with you and SS14 first and you can tell us where we should go?
by on Feb. 22, 2014 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
hadleykubenka
by Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:03 PM
Do u feel better now that you vented??? Oh and bm does that with sd4 every Sunday she will text dh about why did sm take sd here or there. And he just tells her that at least I try to make life fun instead of sucking. Lol. I ignore her to the most part.
sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:05 PM
4 moms liked this
Sounds a bit like a childish argument you had with him. You probably didn't need to go back and forth with him 10 times. She's not telling you what to do, she's telling her son how she thinks he should respond.

I'd really have to see the entire conversation.
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:06 PM
6 moms liked this

You know, perhaps, just maybe, try and imagine it, but maybe BM was trying to help her son behave.  That it was clear from the messages that there would not be a change in plans and he needed to get over himself.  That he was fighting a losing battle.

I will often say just those words to DDs when they are getting angry or frustrated with a situation they have no control over.

To me it sounds like Mom was just being a mom.

Or you could take it that she is teling your SS not to talk to you.  Ever.  Is that what you think?

tellitlikeitiz
by Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:13 PM
"Do not engage" are not the words you use when telling your child to behave and not talk back to or argue with an adult. Nice try though.

Quoting pdxmum:

You know, perhaps, just maybe, try and imagine it, but maybe BM was trying to help her son behave.  That it was clear from the messages that there would not be a change in plans and he needed to get over himself.  That he was fighting a losing battle.

I will often say just those words to DDs when they are getting angry or frustrated with a situation they have no control over.

To me it sounds like Mom was just being a mom.

Or you could take it that she is teling your SS not to talk to you.  Ever.  Is that what you think?

tellitlikeitiz
by Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:15 PM
I DO feel better getting it off my chest.

Quoting hadleykubenka: Do u feel better now that you vented??? Oh and bm does that with sd4 every Sunday she will text dh about why did sm take sd here or there. And he just tells her that at least I try to make life fun instead of sucking. Lol. I ignore her to the most part.
sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:16 PM
3 moms liked this
Apparently she thinks that you were just as argumentative as he was. If that is in fact true, her advice was totally appropriate.

Nice try though :)

Quoting tellitlikeitiz: "Do not engage" are not the words you use when telling your child to behave and not talk back to or argue with an adult. Nice try though.



Quoting pdxmum:

You know, perhaps, just maybe, try and imagine it, but maybe BM was trying to help her son behave.  That it was clear from the messages that there would not be a change in plans and he needed to get over himself.  That he was fighting a losing battle.

I will often say just those words to DDs when they are getting angry or frustrated with a situation they have no control over.

To me it sounds like Mom was just being a mom.

Or you could take it that she is teling your SS not to talk to you.  Ever.  Is that what you think?

tellitlikeitiz
by Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:17 PM
I know this woman, it was a way to talk down

Quoting pdxmum:

You know, perhaps, just maybe, try and imagine it, but maybe BM was trying to help her son behave.  That it was clear from the messages that there would not be a change in plans and he needed to get over himself.  That he was fighting a losing battle.

I will often say just those words to DDs when they are getting angry or frustrated with a situation they have no control over.

To me it sounds like Mom was just being a mom.

Or you could take it that she is teling your SS not to talk to you.  Ever.  Is that what you think?

Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:18 PM
2 moms liked this

Sounds to me like BM was being a mom and telling her son not to keep a childish argument going back and forth the way he would with another teenager.   You weren't behaving any better than he was in this situation.   SS had a point and you could have made a compromise by adding on something fun to the day that SS would have enjoyed, but instead you stuck to your guns and were determined to have your way.   I don't blame BM for telling SS not to "engage."   Someone had to stop the madness.

WickedPissah
by Gold Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:19 PM
2 moms liked this
It was going back and forth. Bm told him not to continue arguing with you.

Sounds like it bothers you that a kid was told by another adult not to engage in banter with another adult.

He's 14 he can stay at home by himself

Quoting tellitlikeitiz: "Do not engage" are not the words you use when telling your child to behave and not talk back to or argue with an adult. Nice try though.



Quoting pdxmum:

You know, perhaps, just maybe, try and imagine it, but maybe BM was trying to help her son behave.  That it was clear from the messages that there would not be a change in plans and he needed to get over himself.  That he was fighting a losing battle.

I will often say just those words to DDs when they are getting angry or frustrated with a situation they have no control over.

To me it sounds like Mom was just being a mom.

Or you could take it that she is teling your SS not to talk to you.  Ever.  Is that what you think?

fedupmama
by Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 12:19 PM
2 moms liked this
Or perhaps you need to grow up and not argue with a 14 year old..... Good job BM fir suggesting a child stop arguing with an adult. The kid is being a typical teenager. What is your excuse for acting like one???
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