Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

O/T - MY labor, MY delivery, MY baby....

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:17 AM
  • 102 Replies

Why does everyone think they get to decide what their going to to in regards to the birth of MY child?

I am scheduled to be induced Tuesday evening via Cervadi. From what I've read here and on online, it seems like a 12 hour process in which they will insert it when i arrive and in the morning see my progress and either start me on pitocin or go from there with whatever other method. The hospital is going to call me tomorrow with my exact time to be there and once they do, I planned to text my family and ask that they not come to hospital as I most likely will not be having a baby Tuesday night. Besides that, the hospital told us during the tour that if someone should have their baby after visiting hours, those in the waiting room will be notified of the birth but thats it...they will not be able to actually see the baby as it will be after hours. My hospital also has the "golden hour" which is immediately following delivery and its for Mom, Dad, and baby to bond...all other support people are asked to leave the room during this time. Since cervidil is a slow process....I dont think it makes much sense for a bunch of people to come wait in the waiting room when a) i most likely wont be in active labor on tuesday b) ill be sleeping while they're waiting and c) if i do have him that night it will most likely be after hours and they wont be seeing him anyway. So rather then waiting in an uncomfortable waiting room everyon can wait at home and be updated when he's born.

I also expressed that i dont mind if people take pictures of him but that I dont want anyone posting any on social media until I get to do it first. I think its only right that I be the one to introduce MY kid to the world before anyone else. I also really dont want my mom or my SO watching him "come out"...i've said this several times and they both keep brushing it off. Its something i feel pretty strongly about and while I wont keep my SO from the delivery room, i will keep my mom out if she cant honor my requests.

So i was talking to my Mom about this...and she goes on to tell me that I am "taking the fun and excitement out of it for everyone" and that I am being harsh and have too many rules and Im a dictator. And that EVERYONE (she wouldnt name names) has been talking about how im going to be a nightmare. I dont think Im being harsh...im being upfront about what I want. Everyone else has had their kids and gotten to do it the way that they want....i want things to go a certain way and its some kind of crime?! i dont get it. Not to mention, the last time i checked this really isnt about everyone else. I want visitors of course, but i feel like if my wishes cant be respected than I will tell the nurses that i dont want visitors at all and everyone can wait until i get home to come see him.

Am I being unreasonable? or a dictator? or out of line for wanting this to go a certain way? I mean I already dont get to go into labor on my own, which is something i really wanted to experience...why is it such a problem that i want this to go a certain way as much as the situation allows?

Sorry its long. END RANT lol


CafeMom Tickers
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:17 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
afwife817
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:37 AM
Is this your first baby? I say if it is, GOOD for you. Glad you know what you want, I was to young and didn't have a clue. I made the same mistake. It ended up being a 3 ring circus in my room with my first son. I had no idea what to expect and was to out of it to put a stop to who came in my room:( MY second baby was only dad and my mom in the room, up by my head, NOT watching. I'm pregnant now and I will only have my husband and my mom if she makes it on time in my room.
I'm not having a baby to entertain everybody else;)
SitaStJames
by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:41 AM
1 mom liked this

you arent being unreasonable and everyone should respect your wishes and feelings. GIving birth is stressful as it is so why make it even more stressful on yourself? So go you for making your wishes known now.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:47 AM
Yes this is my first baby. My cousin said the same thing as you about her first and wishing she had out her foot down more when he was born. And I said exactly that to my Mom... The birth of my child is not about everyone else. Of course everyone is excited and I'm glad... But that doesn't mean everyone gets to do whatever they want with no regard to my wishes. Besides I really can't imagine being bombarded with people an hour after the babies born. When my stepsister had her baby there were at least 20 ppl waiting. She had her after hours and they let us back to see her anyway... But there were SO many people in the room I couldn't even imagine dealing with that. Besides once he's out he's not going anywhere, he will be there the next day lol what's the rush?!

And I forgot to add that my SO will be bringing my SS's up to the hospital to meet the baby once he's here. I really would like it to be JUST my SO, the boys, myself and then baby the first time they meet him. They are 15 and 6 and I know it's going to be awkward for them since they aren't around very many babies. I think they will be more comfortable without a room full of people watching them meet their new little brother.


Quoting afwife817: Is this your first baby? I say if it is, GOOD for you. Glad you know what you want, I was to young and didn't have a clue. I made the same mistake. It ended up being a 3 ring circus in my room with my first son. I had no idea what to expect and was to out of it to put a stop to who came in my room:( MY second baby was only dad and my mom in the room, up by my head, NOT watching. I'm pregnant now and I will only have my husband and my mom if she makes it on time in my room.

I'm not having a baby to entertain everybody else;)
RandiBear
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:49 AM

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. I wanted the same thing...with family just waiting at home. I especially wanted my MIL to wait at home. She was disabled and needed oxygen and I didnt want her spending all day in pain at the hospital waiting. She chose to ignore that and showed up an hour after they started the pitocin. It was dreadful because I was worrying about her while in labor. I was then in labor for 24 hours before having a c-section...which she and FIL missed because they got too tired to stay any longer about 4 hours before he was born. lol Ah well. They came later with my BIL and it was just us when my son was born. Stick to what you want and don't let anyone bully you into changing. Make sure hubby is in agreement with you and that's all the support you need. It's for their comfort as well as yours so if anyone says anything, just remind them that it is going to be a long process and you dont want to think about them sitting in the waiting room all that time when they may not see him that day at all because of hospital policy. As for the pictures, I would have been LIVID if anyone posted pics of my baby before I could.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:50 AM
Thank you! Going into labor on my own wS something i REALLY wanted to experience. But since I have a very comfortable baby... I'm already losing out on that part of it. Id like things to go the way I want them to go as much as the situation permits of course. I mean I guess I can't technically tell people they can't come wait... But I just can't see sitting there waiting when I won't even be in active labor.

Quoting SitaStJames:

you arent being unreasonable and everyone should respect your wishes and feelings. GIving birth is stressful as it is so why make it even more stressful on yourself? So go you for making your wishes known now.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:55 AM
Thanks! I'm going to talk to my SO again tomorrow about all of this. He does know how I feel but I definitely going to need him for reinforcements lol. And like you said I don't want to wore about everyone waiting for nothing. My stepsister was induced with pitocin only and went in at 7am. She didn't have the baby until 9:30 that night. There were ppl there all day. I went right after work because I assumed she would have been born by then and I was waiting for 3 and a half hours. And she was 9.5 dilated for like 4 hours! When I think back... I'm like why did I do that?! We got to see the baby for 10 seconds after she was born and it was a miracle...she was there the next day when I went up after work lol.

Quoting RandiBear:

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. I wanted the same thing...with family just waiting at home. I especially wanted my MIL to wait at home. She was disabled and needed oxygen and I didnt want her spending all day in pain at the hospital waiting. She chose to ignore that and showed up an hour after they started the pitocin. It was dreadful because I was worrying about her while in labor. I was then in labor for 24 hours before having a c-section...which she and FIL missed because they got too tired to stay any longer about 4 hours before he was born. lol Ah well. They came later with my BIL and it was just us when my son was born. Stick to what you want and don't let anyone bully you into changing. Make sure hubby is in agreement with you and that's all the support you need. It's for their comfort as well as yours so if anyone says anything, just remind them that it is going to be a long process and you dont want to think about them sitting in the waiting room all that time when they may not see him that day at all because of hospital policy. As for the pictures, I would have been LIVID if anyone posted pics of my baby before I could.

afwife817
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:58 AM
I think honestly, you're on the right track. And although looking back at all the love and support I had for my first son, I would not redo it the same way. I should of put my foot down once I had over 10 ppl in the room. My sons fathers great grandmother was sitting in the only lazy boy, knitting with the tv blaring grrrr never mind me in labor 15 hrs without meds. Never again. You totally need to do what's best for you and your family. Not your friends and extended family. And I'm not sure why they would want to push themselves on your private time.
Ok, maybe you could post your fb baby pics etc then when you feel ready, have two hrs or something where visitors can come VISIT, not stay;) I don't have this problem. My really close friends and family live out of state:(


Quoting ChelseNichole: Yes this is my first baby. My cousin said the same thing as you about her first and wishing she had out her foot down more when he was born. And I said exactly that to my Mom... The birth of my child is not about everyone else. Of course everyone is excited and I'm glad... But that doesn't mean everyone gets to do whatever they want with no regard to my wishes. Besides I really can't imagine being bombarded with people an hour after the babies born. When my stepsister had her baby there were at least 20 ppl waiting. She had her after hours and they let us back to see her anyway... But there were SO many people in the room I couldn't even imagine dealing with that. Besides once he's out he's not going anywhere, he will be there the next day lol what's the rush?!



And I forgot to add that my SO will be bringing my SS's up to the hospital to meet the baby once he's here. I really would like it to be JUST my SO, the boys, myself and then baby the first time they meet him. They are 15 and 6 and I know it's going to be awkward for them since they aren't around very many babies. I think they will be more comfortable without a room full of people watching them meet their new little brother.




Quoting afwife817: Is this your first baby? I say if it is, GOOD for you. Glad you know what you want, I was to young and didn't have a clue. I made the same mistake. It ended up being a 3 ring circus in my room with my first son. I had no idea what to expect and was to out of it to put a stop to who came in my room:( MY second baby was only dad and my mom in the room, up by my head, NOT watching. I'm pregnant now and I will only have my husband and my mom if she makes it on time in my room.


I'm not having a baby to entertain everybody else;)
afwife817
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:01 AM
Btw, cute ultrasound pic;) how far along is this picture, and is it 3D?
RandiBear
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:13 AM
1 mom liked this

 lol Yea. Nobody was able to come see us after he was born besides the inlaws. They showed up around lunch time and took hubby to get us some grub but then a major snow storm hit before our friends got off work and by 5pm the roads were closed. It was crazy. Everyone who wanted to come called and some were willing to risk it but we urged them to stay home and safe because it wasn't like he was going away...lol Then, on our way home from the hospital, we stopped at a church rehearsal and everyone who wanted to come to the hospital got to see him then. He was out of my arms the minute we walked in the door and stayed out until he needed to eat. lol I got strange looks from some people because I was so laid back about him being passed around, but I had 3 days of solid bonding with him so I was okay with it. Just remember to do what is comfortable for YOU and to hell with anyone else. The first pictures of your baby put out there should be by you and/or your hubby. I would ban all cell phones and cameras period if people couldn't agree to that. You, as the parent, have the right to say you don't want pics of your kid on social media at all period.

Quoting ChelseNichole: Thanks! I'm going to talk to my SO again tomorrow about all of this. He does know how I feel but I definitely going to need him for reinforcements lol. And like you said I don't want to wore about everyone waiting for nothing. My stepsister was induced with pitocin only and went in at 7am. She didn't have the baby until 9:30 that night. There were ppl there all day. I went right after work because I assumed she would have been born by then and I was waiting for 3 and a half hours. And she was 9.5 dilated for like 4 hours! When I think back... I'm like why did I do that?! We got to see the baby for 10 seconds after she was born and it was a miracle...she was there the next day when I went up after work lol.

Quoting RandiBear:

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. I wanted the same thing...with family just waiting at home. I especially wanted my MIL to wait at home. She was disabled and needed oxygen and I didnt want her spending all day in pain at the hospital waiting. She chose to ignore that and showed up an hour after they started the pitocin. It was dreadful because I was worrying about her while in labor. I was then in labor for 24 hours before having a c-section...which she and FIL missed because they got too tired to stay any longer about 4 hours before he was born. lol Ah well. They came later with my BIL and it was just us when my son was born. Stick to what you want and don't let anyone bully you into changing. Make sure hubby is in agreement with you and that's all the support you need. It's for their comfort as well as yours so if anyone says anything, just remind them that it is going to be a long process and you dont want to think about them sitting in the waiting room all that time when they may not see him that day at all because of hospital policy. As for the pictures, I would have been LIVID if anyone posted pics of my baby before I could.

 

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:33 AM
I do want visitors... After were situated and all of that. I know people are excited and overjoyed and I don't want to take that away from anyone... But there is plenty of time to visit with him without everyone bombarding us 15 seconds after he's born lol I really don't think I'm being unreasonable but according to my mom, everyone else does.

Quoting afwife817: I think honestly, you're on the right track. And although looking back at all the love and support I had for my first son, I would not redo it the same way. I should of put my foot down once I had over 10 ppl in the room. My sons fathers great grandmother was sitting in the only lazy boy, knitting with the tv blaring grrrr never mind me in labor 15 hrs without meds. Never again. You totally need to do what's best for you and your family. Not your friends and extended family. And I'm not sure why they would want to push themselves on your private time.

Ok, maybe you could post your fb baby pics etc then when you feel ready, have two hrs or something where visitors can come VISIT, not stay;) I don't have this problem. My really close friends and family live out of state:(




Quoting ChelseNichole: Yes this is my first baby. My cousin said the same thing as you about her first and wishing she had out her foot down more when he was born. And I said exactly that to my Mom... The birth of my child is not about everyone else. Of course everyone is excited and I'm glad... But that doesn't mean everyone gets to do whatever they want with no regard to my wishes. Besides I really can't imagine being bombarded with people an hour after the babies born. When my stepsister had her baby there were at least 20 ppl waiting. She had her after hours and they let us back to see her anyway... But there were SO many people in the room I couldn't even imagine dealing with that. Besides once he's out he's not going anywhere, he will be there the next day lol what's the rush?!





And I forgot to add that my SO will be bringing my SS's up to the hospital to meet the baby once he's here. I really would like it to be JUST my SO, the boys, myself and then baby the first time they meet him. They are 15 and 6 and I know it's going to be awkward for them since they aren't around very many babies. I think they will be more comfortable without a room full of people watching them meet their new little brother.






Quoting afwife817: Is this your first baby? I say if it is, GOOD for you. Glad you know what you want, I was to young and didn't have a clue. I made the same mistake. It ended up being a 3 ring circus in my room with my first son. I had no idea what to expect and was to out of it to put a stop to who came in my room:( MY second baby was only dad and my mom in the room, up by my head, NOT watching. I'm pregnant now and I will only have my husband and my mom if she makes it on time in my room.



I'm not having a baby to entertain everybody else;)
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN